Ever heard of 1st love still not talking to you 14 months after she broke up? I would like to in order to try and heal two wounds: 1) her breaking up with me out of the blue on the phone after 6 years and then telling me she still wanted to talk, only to not talk to me much less see me or allow me to say goodbye. After going bananas for 6 weeks, I had to have a friend call her to hear it was over. the 2nd: her last communication was an extremely negative one. It sucks going on with the last communication from your 1st love being vicious and vengeful. Pre-breakup she was the most sweet, intrinsically good person on the face of the earth. Do they ever come around and talk to you? I don't want to get back with her, I just want to minimize all the negative emotions, to be able to feel good or less bad about memories rather than feel hurt and mad as hell, and to forgive.

[PurpleAngel]

Its hard to know if she will come around, we don’t know all the details as to why she broke it off, why things ended so badly. Only you know what happened and whether it was really that bad to warrant her not wanting to talk to you anymore. It sounds like she dosent want to for now and perhaps you should work at accepting that. You can give her some more time and try to make contact and see if she will talk to you, but you must be prepared that she may say no.

Forgiveness is something you need to find on your own. Regardless if she does or doesn’t talk to you again. You cannot rely on her to heal, you must work on the healing yourself. Don’t rely or blame her for your pain now, you must work through it and move on. Be strong, take control of the situation by saying to yourself that you can heal this on your own. This is the only way you will take your power back. By saying that you need her to heal, you are relinquishing your power over to someone else and this is not good. Stay strong!

[Arabess]

Sometimes, the only person who can give you closure is YOU.

I think the way a relationship ends....has a lot to say about the person who ended it.

Some people just act like an A$$......and you end up wondering how you ever loved them.

[Midnite]

I feel for you grounded..I am experiencing the same thing. Only my ex and I had a 12 year relationship and were married twice during that time. He had proposed to me again and then, one day said he wanted me to let him go..never call again.

It has been 11 months since that day. I had called him 3 or 4 times and emailed him some just to say I wanted to end it peacefully, but he was always rude, hateful or hung up the phone. I feel for you. It made me feel like an old shoe that could be thrown out..

Our history makes it even harder. Yes, we divorced in 1997 after 1 year of marriage. He wanted NO contact during the 90 day wait, BUT 18 days after the divorce was final, he was banging on my front door saying we had made a huge mistake and would I marry him again. We went to counseling and married again...only to get a divorce in another year. The best thing is to leave them alone and see if they come around, but it is SOOOOOO hard. All the questions you are left with...the torment, the rejection...

I like what you said Arabess ..it tells of their character. Just this week, my ex and his brother sent me an email in response to one I sent my ex...his brother thinks I am stalking him...I've called 3 or 4 times in 11 months and sent a few emails, now is that stalking??..My first ex husband use to call me 10 times a day and show up at my house at 2:00am. I'm leaving him alone now cause I think they are crazy...and I never get a chance to say...well I call because he won't answer me.

Best of luck to you. I know how hurtful and draining it is...I do believe yes they hurt us, but it is our decision whether we continue to hurt or not.

Blessings...

[estrasa]

I was in a 6 year relationship, and when we broke up...it was because he wouldn't commit.

He tried to contact me three months after the break-up, but I KNEW that I was not ready for that. I loved him then, and I still love him now, (10 months later). I didn't not contact him to be hurtful, but rather to spare myself more pain. He's "My Favorite Mistake" to date. I have only fond memories of him, (as that's what you remember when you focus on what you're missing out on).

Since this man...I have had a series of failed dates...I'm just trying to get my heart back into its "happy place."

Good luck. Don't read too much into it. You could question the way things have played out until your blue in the face. Would that make you feel better? Just be glad you're not wasting more of your time with her, instead of allowing yourself to be open and available for the RIGHT relationship!!

HUGS