Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
Ok, well, I'm glad i've stumbled onto this part of the internet because I am very perplexed. Basicly, I'm in love with a girl, we are engaged to be married next year. The problem is i have uncovered things from her past that arent sitting well in my stomach. Now I refrain from using this terminology but i can't help myself......basicly when i think of her past, I look at her as a slut. Here's why...
She's had 2 guys at once.
she's had 2 girls and a guy.
She's had a girlfriend who had a boyfriend whos friend needed action, so they all 4 hooked up and had sex in the same room.
She's slept with many people that I know.
I think ill stop now before I lose my head.
I know she absolutly loves me, I know she wouldn't cheat on me. But i can't seem to stomach this amount of sleeziness in her past.
How in the hell am I suppose to get over this. I mean I've read about some of you jealous about your lovers past and such but none of their pasts even come close to this.
... then don't marry her. You almost answered your own question.
You say you uncovered... did she tell you, or did you go sluething and dig it up? For some, what she has participated in in earlier times is not such a concern. For others, - maybe you - it is. Nobody can answer that but you.
If you felt like you needed to snoop (assuming you did snoop) maybe there're more reasons than her past sexual encounters that you need to hold up.
ya i guess uncovered was a little vague. She did in fact tell me.
Look, I mean I know the whole concept of finding the girl of your dreams and her being as virginal as you hoped for in this day and age is impossible. But...... what is too much???? I mean **** ( pardon my french ) There's gonna be people at our wedding that she slept with...... Shoudn't I have a problem with that?
I don't know how long you two have been together, but if she's been faithful and makes you happy, then the past is just the past. People do things they regret later. Perhaps she didn't tell you because she was embarassed.
However, if YOU are having a problem with it....then it is a problem INDEED!
Either you need to work it out as to where you stand on this.....or let the relationship go. It all depends on which one mean more to you.
What I would want to know if I were in your siutation, is what has changed for your gf that her past actions are not predictive of her future behavior? Simply being love with you is not enough, imho.
Yes, many of us do things when we are younger that we won't do when we're older, but usually we can articulate this: I used to sleep around because I thought it was fun to do but then I realized that what I really want is to find one special person whom I will give my heart and body to. Or some such thing.
I'd also want to know how much distance -- time and emotion -- exists between the past (specifically: when she was engaged in the activities you listed) and now.
Basically, I would need some evidence that the person she was is not the person she is and that this is a deliberate and acknowledged change.
I agree with the other posters. You need to figure out if this bothers you so much that you can't continue on and you need to see if those past actions are really in the past and not indicative of what might happen in the future.
Why care about the past and lose a chance at happiness and love if it really has no bearing on your relationship?
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"Life is a sexually transmitted terminal illness"
WOW i feel like i am readig about my situation... it is hard to comprehend i know... I know how u feel after u learn certain things about ur partner an ur like whoaaaa... an it totally floors u an u dont know how to react to what was just said!!
I found out things like with 1 of my gf's ex she had a group orgy im like talkin 10 or more im like omg noway an EWWWWWW!!! :S being with another ex who was married an they was sleepin together an the girls husband had no idea. than another 1 of her ex gf's liked it when my gf would act out i guess rape scenes.. chase an tie up slappin an being ruff... that bothered me the most an now i am scared in away cause of learnin this
cause i was sexually assaulted 2, 1 at 11 yrs old an the other time just in oct.. so i am havin doubts about stayin with my gf.. an cause of the other things to.. so i guess we both have to make up our minds if we should stay with this person or move on, it wont be easy i can say that much!!! guess love can make or break a relationship in certain ways.. but just know ur not alone an if u need to talk feel free to do so ok!! Spongebobsquareboobs
I'm very curious if those of you who say the past doesn't matter have ever had a situation like this before?
It's VERY easy to just say, "Ah, who cares, it's in the past, move on and be happy with her!" when you've never been in something like this before.
It's a mindf*ck, that's for sure, it would bother the hell out of me, too. And if it bothers you THAT much, don't let it go any further. You might get past it, and then again, you might not.
I'm very curious if those of you who say the past doesn't matter have ever had a situation like this before?
One of my bfs had a pretty wild past. Key word is 'past'. Most of the stuff he did he did when he was fairly young. Not everybody develops good judgment early in life. Some folks have to come by it through trial and error. There is just no point in reliving somebody else's life in your mind when that person almost certainly does not.
To people who worry so much about stuff like this: do you spend hours mulling over and longing for your past? Because this is what you think your partner is doing. I seriously doubt very many people live in the past that way so there's no need to be threatened by someone's former life.
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I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
It all depends if they are remorseful for their past as well. If she thought the 2 guys were cool, and the orgy, etc.. and doesn't have any regrets then I would be concerned. If its something they don't like to talk about, and would rather forget then be with them on this & over time it will disappiate.
Its hard to talk to a mate about thier past without them feeling judgemental. I personally would never want to hear details about my fiancee's sex life. I wouldn't be able to look at her the same, the only thing she's told me is she's never had a 3 some, etc..
If she did have one, yea it would bother me. On how much it bothers me would be to what degree of regretfulness she has.
When you are with her one night, mention to her that to you 'You think of her as your first' and see if she replies the same way.
BTW I would never date a porn actress. I need to have someone who can experience new things with me in that way. Most porn actresses have done it all.
She's told me she regrets it because of the way it makes me feel. She says that if she would have known at that time that it would make me feel this way today she wouldnt have done it.
A well, the fact is i love this girl. She isnt the same girl he used to be in respect of her sexual past.
Basicly to all you guys who are looking for a virginal Wife, and at the same time want a girl who is beautiful and a vixen in bed. LMAOOOO you'll never ever ever find one. Not in this day and age. Personally I think women are going bezerk sexually now that it's not frowned upon so much. go back 50 years and society would reject a women who had pre-maritial sex. Now a days.............................................. .................................................. ..............................................
Thanks for all the info/suggestions and support, I appreciate it. Hopefully I'm a bigger man than this sexual past of hers.
The comment in regards to men and their fixation on porn women. This is strickly arousal. Seeing people in the act turns them on. In no way shape or form does that mean they would like to date, be in a relationaship or marry a porn star. I for one would never.
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