today was weird...so far my relationship with my bf had been going great...so far i mean as in the past 2-3months..anyways today was weird..i hadnt seen him since valentines which was lotsa fun so today i was gonna see him at school and i was looking forward to hanging out with him...
he knew this too!..anyways we have class together and he kinda annoyed me when he offered me some muffin and i took it and then he said "what u dont want some"...i was like HUh? if i didnt want some i wouldnt have taken it...but anyways i gave the piece back to him cos by hims aying that it was annoying especially the way he said it...
anyways we kinda got annoyed at eachother but i was like whaytever it aint a biggie..so anyways after class he had to go pick up something and i had to go to my yoga class....after yoga i decided to go see him play tennis, cos i usually wait for him cos we hang out after tennis...but this time it was different..
i went to see him and i sat down at a bench and i saw him look at me but he didnt even say Hi, or anything..he just kept playing...then he stopped for like 2min and was just talking to his partner and didnt bother saying anything to me whcih got me like "What the hell? cant he see im here ?"...i was about to leave but i decided to keep my cool...
then tennis was over and he was taking his time..wehn he came up to me he told me this "what r u doing here?"...and i said "i always come, what ? ok if u dont want me here then ill leave, sorry!" then he just said "I lost the game and im in a bad mood so i dont want to hang out with u today"...at this point i got a lil upset cos i had been seeing him play cos i was waiting for him and stuff...and when if eel bad i usally think that he can cheer me up i guess its not the same for him..i dunno!....anyways i walked away and he just let me walk away.....
then he called my cell saying "dont be mad i just want to be alone today!"...and i was like crying cos i was upset cos i was looking forward to seeing him today cos i hadnt seen him since saturday so i just said "u know if u lost i can help u fele better or something, and u know i wanted to see u today and i was like syaing this yet crying cos i was so frustrated...but he wasnt listening to how i felt and he just said with an attitude " I WANT TO BE ALONE, is thAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR, CANT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT"...and i finally just said .."fine.. ."
anyways he hasnt called me and i havent called him...do uthink im making a big deal over this? i just dont think he should act this way with me....gimme some input....
When most guys are still young....they have 'oats to sow' and 'waters to test'. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you...he just may want to check out other avenues.
He SHOULD be honest and tell you.....but often times.....they may think they are saving your feelings but backing off slowly...rather than breaking it off up front.
The best thing you can do is to totally stay away. Don't call him....don't show up anywhere....don't go out of your way to say much more than anything but 'hi'.
It just may spark his interest back up.
Let me point out....this isn't a real mature way to handle a relationship. However, since you mentioned you were both still in school....sometimes the later rules of love in life don't apply. You almost HAVE to play the game......
Once he's an adult....he may not be that way at all. For now though....he isn't sure WHAT he wants. That's totally normal and acceptable.
As for you....again...the best thing is to back off.....and see what happens.
I'm sorry....I know it's a rough time when someone you care about starts pulling away from the relationship. It's part of growing up though....and defining what you are wanting from someone long term in your life.
gosh i dont get it though cos we been together for 3 years 2months and we did break up for like a month 1/2 back in august, but when we got back he was being cool with me and not being mean ...so like so far since december til now everything was cool he was not saying anything mean he was just being totally sweet and cool and now all of a sudden i saw him act the way he acted back in august when we broke up..so careless about my feelings ..its just retarded we are both in college..im 20 hes 19..this year hes 20 and im 21./...it just feels that when i open up to him about how i feel..like how much i love him he goes and starts acting this way buit when i act like i dont care hes sweet and caring again..i aint gonna take this bull**** this time though.... i know i dont deserve this **** from no one!
Location: Alberta (Born in the Hometwon of the Calgary Flames!!)
Posts: 1,422
By the sounds of it, he just maybe wanting to spend time apart from you, which really isnt a bad thing, maybe hes feeling smothered from you, that could explain possibly his outburst..... however he may take your crying as a form of manipulation... which some girls do, hence his reaction... id say when you talk to him, ask him if hes looking for a way out or something, ask him if hes being honest and truthful with you.... to me it sounds like hes trying to bail out of your guys relationship.
bail out? why? but on valentine he brought me roses tedy bear and we had such a good time, this is confusing! whatever if hes trying to bail out then whatever..im not gonna chase him because what isnt mine isnt Mine and if he really wants to act this way just because hes trying to get away then im gonna just do my best and forget about him...i know that i am proabably gonna do better without him anyways, ill for once get in shape, get good greades, transfer ASAP and one daymeet a guy who will respect and love me for me and appreciate EVERYTHIGN i say and do...so if he cant see what i do for him then that his loss and i wont waste my time crying and dwelling about it the way i once did, he broke my heart once and i took him back i wont let him break my heart again...cos even if he does he wont get me back this time!
i just saw his away message look what it sais "Out about my business. Important? call my celly : )"....he sounds like hes in a good mood and doesnt care how he made me feel today..he hasnt even bothered calling..honestly WHAT A JERKL!
It's hard to make a call when they send you mixed messages. The trick is.....be your OWN message maker. Call your OWN shots.
Maybe you feel like talking to him today...and maybe you don't.
Is that game playing? YOU BET. Does it work? YOU BET!
Once you are both in love and heading for a serious relationship....there is no room for games. At the stage of your relationship though....all is fair.
I think you're overreacting. I don't know if you were seeking validation, or that's what you needed to hear, but from my perspective you're blowing things out of proportion. If it's truly bothering me as much as you're allowing it to, make it UNHYSTERICALLY clear to him that you need to talk about it.
Well, everyone does have bad days, and apparently this is one of his. However, I'd have to agree that the tone is unusual in some way, to be so abrupt and cold makes me think something's on his mind. This doesn't necessarily mean it's a worst-case scenario, but give him some time to think about whatever he's thinking about. Maybe give him a day or two to himself. If he hasn't called, maybe you need to call him. Tell him you understand he may need time to himself but that you need to know the score. If there's something bothering him about the relationship, you have the right to know about it.
For now, give him a day or two to himself. Heck, he'll probably call after wondering why you haven't called. When you do finally connect, be careful how you address him. All guys have a very sensitive ego. Don't raise your voice or get lecture him, just be calm and straightforward, matter of fact. It'll probably turn him on to know that his girl is so calm in the face of such pressure. We men aren't really that different from women after all.
Personally, yes. But that's not important at all, What's important is that you talk to him about it--preferably after he's cooled down. We all have bad days, make sure it's an internal bad day, and not evidence of a problem in your relationship that would cause him to be paticularly cold.
Sometimes people get grumpy and want to remove their surly presence from the company of others. You should be grateful when he does this - you've already seen that it's not much fun when he's grumpy.
__________________
I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
in all honesty, i think u r over reacting. it really isn't that big a deal. u r kinda being selfish too (no offense so don't get mad). i mean what if he is going through something right now? u r so upset with how he treated u (how u felt) that u haven't thought at all about what he could be going through (how he feels). he is young and probably is pulling away. but, there is a good possibility that he feels unappreciated for all he has done for u in the last few months or maybe he is really stressed about something in his life. u said everything has been pretty much perfect for the past few months. so something this little is really going to bring all that down and make u tired of all the, as u say, "bs"? kinda harsh and rash. just a little bit, don't u think? i find myself getting really upset too. u aren't alone. i find it may be a women thing. perhaps we can only hold one intense emotion at a time. notice that hurt feelings and anger always seem to take priority. just breath and calm down. talk to him and be patient! this really is not that big an issue. if u come to find that he doesn't want to be with u, then u r better off moving on, because u deserve the best. but, his actions and behavior are really sudden, inconsistent, and there is probably a good reason. just talk to him. that is the only way u can truly resolve anything. this is just my opinion though. good luck, everything works out in the end!
__________________
"too early seen unknown and known too late... "
~ Shakespeare
"... what purpose upon the general nature have they, Unknown!"
well i dont know what to think cos when we broke up in aug is cos he was being a jerk with me and i feel like hes doing it again now....i mean hes been cool but the way he acted with me today was not right! he didnt even say hi when he approached me he just said "what are u doing here?" in a rude way when i always go see him play tennis and then we hang out...he shouldve atleast said Hi first or been more nicer about it...well i didnt call him but he called me tonight and i told him that if he didnt wanna hang he shouldve atleast explained it in a nicer way but not be so mean and cold as if i did something wrong...but he didnt say much, i doubt he understood he didnt even say sorry or whatever, i think he just called to bug me or to see if i was upset..i think he does it on purpose...
anyways after 5min of talking he said "i just called u for a break i was taking of studying, imma go back to study so if ure gonna be awake ill call u later.." i didnt know what to say and i just said "ok and bye"....anyways what the hell???
i dunno sometimes i think hes the one playing games...hes done stuff for me but honestly IVE done way more for him...i dunno this is all to weird...when i talk to him i doubt he really understands me...he doesnt know how it feels...hes done it to me before like ive said and i wont let him make me feel like **** again....ugh
You sound like an ex of mine. I would want to be alone, or I would tell her that I did not want to talk because I was in a bad mood and she would not leave me alone. She would over-react and drive herself (and me!) nuts. It got to the point where I would try to put up with it as long as I could, and then want nothing to do with her for a week at a time at certain points.
You seem to be very worked up over this, just by how you are phrasing things. Maybe the guy just needs some space because he feels you are not giving him breathing room. I'm hoping that you are not constantly trying to confront him online, on the phone, or in person about this. That's just going to drive him farther away.
If he wants to be alone then respect that. I don't think that he's going to want to talk to you again until you can show that you do. Also, if he turns out to no longer be interested he has that right. It doesn't make him evil.
You mentioned when you start to talk about how much you love him he backs away. Maybe you're coming off way too strong, talking about kids or marriage or the "I can see myself with you the rest of my life" speech. Something like that would really freak me out, too, especially since you've only been with him two or three months (Unless I misunderstood.)
Depending on what type of guy he is he might just run away from you when you say "I love you". That I never understood, but it could be the case depending on his age and mentality. Give this some time and then approach him about it. Just make sure you're really calm about it though. Your typing almost scares me it is so hectic.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
