[Daffy]

i posted my saga last week (thank you for the replies) about a friend that i slept with who i think very highly of.

now, i will cut to the chase.

this guy, who i think is awesome and has so many good qualities that attract me to him, is under a lot of pressure at work (and not coping very well). he's also a bit stressed about getting his young daughter to understand he has rules at his house that are different to the rules (or lack thereof) at his mothers. you might wonder what relevance this has to anything right now, so here it is: i am absolutely eating myself up not having told him how i feel about him. i feel that if i don't tell him now, i will kick myself later if i keep it to myself. i am finding it very stressful keeping it to myself because he doesn't know exactly how i feel. even though i'm terrified he might reject me, i'm prepared to put my heart on the line. we've both been burned in the past badly, i've been single for a very long time having built walls around me, but i know i can't spend my life being a victim of my past or my fears. i'm nothing like the other girls he's dated and i would never do or say anything to hurt him. i'ts been a long time since i've felt this strongly for another person, but i'm just wondering if the timing might be terrible. i've been acting so casual around him and i'm afraid that if i don't tell him, he'll think i'm not interested and might end up meeting someone else. i know he also thinks very highly of me.

if you were in my situation, what would you do? i don't want to put added pressure on him but this casualness is killing me. i'm not about to start leaving my toothbrush at his place or anything like that. i just want him to know that he's special to me, i like him more than friends and i'm open to the possibility of pursuing something further if he is. i understand that now may not be a good time, but i'm losing sleep over this and losing perspective. we're both very shy about approaching things like this. it's been nearly 3 weeks since we slept together, but the longer i leave it, the harder i'm finding it to deal with.

your advice (and any great words of wisdom i could use when i talk to him) would be greatly appreciated.

[Marty_McFly]

Originally posted by Daffy
.
i'm not about to start leaving my toothbrush at his place or anything like that. i just want him to know that he's special to me, i like him more than friends and i'm open to the possibility of pursuing something further if he is.

Tell him exactly that. Don't gush about how you're so in love or anything, because it might scare him off and ruin your friendship too. Just tell him the above, and that you enjoyed that time together, and you would like to slowly take the relationship further. I don't think the stress thing should deter you, it may be that something with you is just the thing he would like to have right now to help him deal with the other things in his life. Just try to make sure your approach is light-hearted, almost like it's no big deal to you if he says no, but still conveying sincerity.

[Daffy]

Marty, thank you very much for your response. It's made things much easier for me (I get flustered very easy - don't like confrontations of any sort!). I've thought long and hard about it and came up with this:

[color=blue][font=times new roman]"I enjoyed our time together the other week because I care a lot for you. I like you more than friends and I'm open to seeing more of each other if you are. I understand that you're really busy lately, but what are your thoughts on this (and me!)?"[/font][/color]

From your objective perspective, how does that sound? Perhaps I should consider a career change and write scripts for the soaps!

Cheers

[Marty_McFly]

Originally posted by Daffy
because I care a lot for you

That one part may even be just a little too strong. I would think maybe substituting that part with something more along the lines of "I really like you." But there's probably not really much of a difference there, anyway.

[Angel]

Why would any young woman in her right mind want to get involved with a man with young children (especially if you don't have any)? I ask because you sound rather young and are totally missing the obvious. Do you know how truly DIFFICULT it is?

[SweetLou22]

Originally posted by Angel
Why would any young woman in her right mind want to get involved with a man with young children (especially if you don't have any)? I ask because you sound rather young and are totally missing the obvious. Do you know how truly DIFFICULT it is?

Thanks, I was having trouble defining shallow....this quote does nicely.

[reasontosigh]

Originally posted by SweetLou22
Thanks, I was having trouble defining shallow....this quote does nicely.

Huh??????

Naive perhaps, but shallow?

[Angel]

Not shallow sweetie---pragmatic. You just don't understand; give it time and experience and you'll know what I am talking about.

Forgive them for they know not what they say!

[reasontosigh]

Pragmatic I can see.

I just don't know how SweetLou could have gotten "shallow" out of your post, Angel.

[Angel]

Sometimes young people don't really think things out enough. Sometimes it is a matter of differing opinions. Some people make decisions that result in a lifestyle that is okay for them-----but totally unacceptable for someone else.

When I hear a young woman without children considering taking on this life-long commitment I know she doesn't know what she's getting into. X-wife, visitations, holidays, vacations. Her life will (and should) revolve around that child.
Not only am I speaking from the young woman's perspective---but that poor child! A man like that needs to be raising his child in peace and tranquility without bringing a myriad of women into that child's life. He needs to put his love life on hold until that daughter is raised. When a child is in the mix, it is no longer important to consider the adults---it is the child that counts!!!!!!!

[reasontosigh]

We are on the same page here, I believe.

Forgive them for they know not what they say!

I think I just figured out where this comes in!

[Daffy]

Originally posted by Angel
Why would any young woman in her right mind want to get involved with a man with young children (especially if you don't have any)? I ask because you sound rather young and are totally missing the obvious. Do you know how truly DIFFICULT it is?

Let's see....why would I want to get involved with a man with a young child? Hmmm.....because he's honest, funny, has a big heart, is kind and compassionate, he's an excellent father, he has his priorities straight, he has his head screwed on nice and tight, he's responsible....

Angel, yes, I do know what I am getting myself into and that it can be difficult. I am 28 years old and I dated a man with 2 children for 4.5 years. Any problems between him and his ex were strictly that - between him and his ex. There are some people out there (like me) who accept everything about a great person, including any children they may have.

This man does not bring a myriad of women into his life or his daughters life. He hasn't brought a woman into his daughter's life since he separated with his ex. Why on earth would you think that? This man absolutely adores his daughter and so do I. He is an excellent, very responsible father and spends every single moment of his weekends with her BY CHOICE and wouldn't have it any other way. She is his first priority and that's one of the things that I find so appealing about him.

Many people can easily prioritise and balance between children and partners without setting a bad example to the children. I have seen it work and come from a single parent family myself where it worked wonderfully.

Geez, what was the original topic of this post anyway? A single father has never been an issue for me, so let's not make it one because it will never be one. Everyone deseves to be in a happy relationship, including single parents.

[SoleMate]

Daffy, I think you should go ahead and say something. I hope you don't mind that I've edited your words just a bit to make them less commital, yet still convey the interest.

"I thoroughly enjoyed our time together the other week and find that I'm starting to imagine us being a bit more than friends. It would be great to see more of each other and see where this goes. I understand that you're really busy lately... would you like to have dinner on Tuesday?"

And BTW, you seem like a very together lady who is thinking clearly and even lets an ill-phrased posting roll off her back as it should. So I'm really hoping that you do say something to him, and that you get a positive response. PLEASE let us know how it goes!

[Fritz]

Originally posted by Angel
Sometimes young people don't really think things out enough. Sometimes it is a matter of differing opinions. Some people make decisions that result in a lifestyle that is okay for them-----but totally unacceptable for someone else.

When I hear a young woman without children considering taking on this life-long commitment I know she doesn't know what she's getting into. X-wife, visitations, holidays, vacations. Her life will (and should) revolve around that child.
Not only am I speaking from the young woman's perspective---but that poor child! A man like that needs to be raising his child in peace and tranquility without bringing a myriad of women into that child's life. He needs to put his love life on hold until that daughter is raised. When a child is in the mix, it is no longer important to consider the adults---it is the child that counts!!!!!!!

While I agree to a point, I think thats a bit harsh (Do you feel this way for single moms on dating as well?). Of course, its is good to know what you're getting into. A friend ended up marrying a woman (after dating/knowing her for 7 months, engaged after 3) and is now a dad to one kid and a step-dad to 2 others. I thought he was nuts and still do (course the semi-hidden truth of it all was he got her pregnant early on..).