Alot of people have legitimate problems and come to this board for help.
Then there are the 'porn' posts. Its always chicks complaining about their guy looking at porn, funny how I never heard of a guy complaining that his chick is looking at porn.. anyway.. This will hopefully help all you confused women out there about this issue.
I'm making a judgement that about 99% of us men view porn, and yes we do it at times alone. No we do not love these images we see on screen, nor would we dump you for them if there was ever the slight chance that one of these women would present themselves to us.
The women who are complaining about their man's porn use, basically comes down to an insecurity that you have within' your own body. Telling him or making him feel guilty enough to not view it is only the beginning of a controlling behavior over your jealously which will ultimately make the guy leave or hide it from you.
Men are attracted to beauty, and us men like a variety of things, sexually. Even if you were able to change a man with his 'viewing' habits, you can't change what he thinks. Or perhaps the women who like to control a man's porn viewing habit that might be their next attempt. Might as well give him a labotomy and have him stare blankly into space. I guess perhaps the only way to cure your insecurities would be to know that you completely own him in every possible sense.
So instead of driving him away, why not embrace it & do this thing with him. I find it kinda funny that all these women on here complain about porn, yet my fiancee on Sat. night asked if we could get a porn. It was a lesibian one at that. She also is wanting a 3 some, and talking to her about the jealously her comment was 'Its just sex, there is a huge difference between the two'. 'I completely trust you'. Right there is another word. TRUST. Us men watching porn is not going to drive us away from you, but will actually do the opposite. Make us closer to you, because we can be more open about things.
Porn is not evil, nor it is there to be a competition with you, unless you make it that way. If my fiancee wants a porn with some hot guy on it, that's cool. Nothing wrong with watching & getting turned on by it.
So before all you anti-porn people reply in this thread, think hard about how secure you feel in your relationship. That's what it stems down to.
Don't count me in your 99%--I believe the percentage is MUCH lower than that.
I also don't disregard a woman's feelings as being bitchy or whiny or insecure. Or a measure of control. A lot of people do not like or approve of porn - men included.
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I support faith-based missile defense systems
Unconditional love should not mean unconditional crap absorption. ~Solemate
I hear ya man, but I think most of the problems are when guys are watching/viewing/reading porn and excluding their partner, i.e., in a lot of the cases it seems like the woman would love to have some more sexual fun, but her guy is pretty much content to sit in a dark room and take care of biz.
So while I agree that we have too many porn related threads, some if not many of them are still legitimate concerns for people in search of answers. And the whole aspect of "So instead of driving him away, why not embrace it & do this thing with him." insinuates that the men actually WANT to have another person around when they are doing this.
From reading some of these posts, it seems that men are portrayed as WANTING to have this outside of the relationship, and in many cases completely exclude their partners, i.e., "I'm doing my porn thing, I'll catch you later when I'm good and tired and come to bed..."
This certainly doesn't apply to all cases, but I do think men cause a lot more trouble with the porn than they really know about, and woman pick up on this and notice this lack of libido/lust/attention in the relationship.
Now, from MY perspective:
I watch porn sometimes with my girl, and sometimes alone.
She watches porn sometimes with me, and sometimes alone (ok...the alone part is rare, but it does happen...once a month or something maybe..if that...)
So I'm comfortable with our situation, but if I or she felt that the other was using porn at the expense of actually having real contact, love and sex...than I think we would both be justified in trying to change that behavior.
I'm just saying that I don't see this as a 100% yes or no deal. It's all going to vary on your particular relationship.
But yeah, for the girls that find their boy slapping pappy to some internet porn for the first time and think it's the end of the world...just do a search for some back threads before creating an entire new post on the subject, as it has been beat (sic!) to death.
Originally posted by SoleMate
Wideawake, you're brilliant! You really seem to get the nuances of porn, from both points of view. And you're a guy too.
How about this - we can only discuss porn on the forums if we all agree to really listen to each other and let go of our easy assumptions.
Word. I'd sign up for that one.
Not really brilliant at all, just lucky enough to have had some very good teachers in my life as far as love/sex/relationships go....and if nothing else I've learned to take the things that woman say seriously.
That and the fact that I've made tons of my own mistakes helps in one's perspective.
I was never in support of porn, as in I was singing its praises. I wouldn't advocate everyone go run and try it.
If my partner asked me to not look at porn, I probably wouldn't. But I wouldn't expect everyone to, I still see masturbation as seperate from intimacy.
I took my position based on women feeling that looking at porn equated to a lack of love. My goal was not to attack insecure women as being nuerotic, it was to possibly convince them to see things from a less accusatory stance. I was honestly trying to help, not to attack people I don't even know.
While respecting privacy, there ARE women who have PMed me who eventually saw what I was saying. Just as AprilFool didn't want to be typecast as the antiporn girl, I didn't want to be the Ilovetotouchmyself guy.
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