hey guys i posted like 2 days ago about my boyfriend breaking up with me because he needed time. well he realized that he really wanted to be with me and asked me to come back so i did. now i'm having second thoughts because even though i love him i don't want to change for him. it seems like he wants me to change everything. he even tried to bring my family into it and i told him not to even go there i can deal with him saying stuff about me but not my family. i just don't see how he can say he loves me yet wants me to change a good amount about myself. i feel like i have to walk on egg shells, because how hard is it to not be yourself? i've never been the type of person to let someone tell me what to do. he also said that he thinks he expects his girlfriend to be his mom, and i told him this is soo not normal and i can't do that. he got like offended, but i'm not his mom. any advice?
I can't answer meaningfully without having more information: what, exactly, is it that you're supposed to change?
Whatever it is, you should never try to change for someone else; you can only change for yourself. If your boyfriend is proposing changes that you don't agree with/don't feel ready for/whatever, it's not going to happen and you just need to be clear with him about that.
But what is he talking about? Does he think you have a drinking problem, for example? Does your family think so too? When loved ones are worried about you, that ought to give you pause and at least make you start asking yourself some hard questions. Ultimately you can only make changes if you think they are necessary, but if the important people in your life are all pointing to something they think is problematic, they might have a point.
no its not like a drinking problem, i barely drink. its like he says i don't know how to act classy sometimes, which i've never been told. he told me an example of this would be -- getting a new bathing suit and while everyone is sitting around me showing them what it looks like on me.(which i would never do cause i'm not like that) I guess like modeling it for them...it seems like he doesn't want other people to see me, and that bothers me. how extreme will it become, ya know? then he said that when he has a girlfriend she is just his and other people shouldn't like get to be around her or whatever. i don't agree with this, i'm extremely close with my family, and it seems like he doesn't like the way i act around them. he wants me all to himself and i can't do that. he also acts like i am "sneaky". the other night he asked what i did after school in a kind of confusing way and it took me a minute to figure out what he was talking about, and because i didn't answer right away he got mad at me. i just never had anyone ask me to change like this before and at the same time tell me they love me. it just isn't right, and it is bothering me. thanks for your response
Oh, no no no -- this is all wrong. He's jealous, he doesn't trust you, and he's trying to isolate you. That is a huge red flag. I would really get out now. You're absolutely right - it won't get any better. There will always be something else you're not doing right, something else you should change.
I agree, this is not good. You're in school (high school?), so you're quite young and probably aren't all that experienced with relationships. I agree with the above post, this sounds like irrational jealousy and controlling behavior. Not to mention insulting. Who is this guy to tell you that you're not "classy" enough for him? As an ironic aside, I find that people who use the word "classy" and are concerned about giving the appearance of being "classy" often do not possess the quality to which they would aspire.
Don't ever let anyone try to come between you and your family! What a joke. Your doubts are well-founded -- get rid of this guy. He's trying to control you.
He's just too jealous. He's got issues. I'm sure he would freak out if he saw another guy being nice to you.
Yeah, That whole "Classy" thing is just an excuse to keep you all to himself. That's gross.
A girl shouldn't be a guy's property.
I would seriously get out now. You don't want a guy like that. A guy being protective of him girl and keeping her safe
is one thing. A guy being controlling and dictating what she does is another.
Find a better guy, someone who accepts YOU just as you are.
This is a simple case of he doesn't love you for you.
Tough to do, but move on. There are plenty of secure, confident, well-adjusted men that will love you for you and will change with you rather than demand change from you.
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