I've noticed that a lot of people here, maybe most, say that what's in the past is in the past and shouldn't make a difference on the present or the future.
Like if a guy or a girl had slept with 50 people, it shouldn't matter, it's in the past.
Well...this is a very whacked out possibility, but there ARE people out there who like this...what if you found out you SO likes to be crapped on? Or peed on? Or vomited on? Would you say, "Well, it's in the past, big deal," or would you be like, "Whoa...that's really messed up...I don't think I can be with you"?
Unless it's a "what's in the past is in the past...most of the time" kinda deal.
I think the past matters only if it's relevant to the present.
If you are referring to my feelings on rape revelations, I was appyling them to that situation, not making a blanket statement. They didn't seem to be married, or even close to it. There are some things that one should only tell to someone they have absolute trust in, and whom they know can handle dealing with it. Your simplification is not apt, sexual trauma is different than liking to be crapped on.
Weird question. If you are into that, then good luck finding a girl who is also into that. If you used to be but arent no more, dont mention it to her unless it comes up somehow, it shouldnt matter to her if you dont want her to do it. Who knows maybe shell try to get you into it again JK. If she used to be into that, I dont think it should matter unless there is weird sexual issues baggage of that. If she still does, well thats up to you and what youre into.
Why specifically are you asking this if you dont mind saying?
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live and love like you are living.
I guess it would depend on if it was something they engaged in...in the PAST or they want to continue the same 'fetish' in the PRESENT with you. If it is in the present....they probably need to be forthcoming with that information. Nothing like the 'big surprise' in the middle of your intimate activity.
"Oh...no...don't got the to bathroom...pee here!".....LOL!!!
As far as what someone has done in the past....I don't see why they wouldn't want to share it once they are in a committed relationship with someone. If I was in love with someone....I would WANT to tell them anything they were interested in knowing about me. I would also want them to tell me their stuff. I think, between lovers, it's part of the whole 'intimacy' thing to share your pasts with each other.
I don't think it's necessary to share the past.....I just think it's nice.
....YES....I would admit to the 50 lovers....but not admit any of them were 'better' than him.....TFF!
I would want to know about my lover's past because the past helps define who she is. I would expect (and welcome) the same curiosity on her part. As for someone who was uninterested in my past I would infer two things: the person is utterly without curiosity about me (ie, uninterested and perhaps uninteresting ) or so insecure that she can't handle my past. Either inference is not terribly flattering.
Ignorance is not bliss in this case; it is denial.
It's nice to share facts about the past, within reason. Not every detail needs to be, or should be disclosed. I have learnt this the hard way!
The past should not be held against a person...but it can be tricky to overcome certain things.
The past has helped shape a person and turn them into the person you are with.
Me personally, I don't know if I would be able to handle being with someone who had had weird sexual fetishes etc. That's just being honest. I am having enough struggle just letting go jealousy about my guy's ex-wife for pete's sake!
Dyer, this has nothing to do with the rape thing at all.
I only asked this out of pure curiousity. Seriously. That's it. Lots of folks here act like what happened in the past doesn't bother them, but I'm sure if they found out their SO used to have someone take dumps on their chests, they wouldn't be, "Well, that makes you who you are, and it's in the past."
Oh, oh, oh! Have you guys ever seen that episode of Jerry Springer where this guy was into the vomit thing, and he found some girl willing to try it (but he already had a girlfriend). They brought the other girl out and he kissed her and like... puked green stuff in her mouth. Then his girlfriend got up and started beating the crap out of both of them.
The last guy I dated seriously (some might remember my posts about him from a few months ago), he gave me waaaaaaaaaay more info than I needed to know. I don't give a crap about the # of people someone slept with, I'm beyond that......but this guy was strangely obssessed with going into very graphic, explicit, step by step detail of some of the nasty things he did with past girlfriends, past women he'd picked up in his 20s, past married women he'd picked up and screwed, a couple of threesomes he'd had in his supposed mid twenties, etc.
Ironically, he started out our relationship painting himself as this guy who'd admittedly sowed his wild oats in the past, but had a lot more respect for himself and commitment and women in general. Wrong.
Never in my life (and I've dated a lot of guys) have I been with someone who just couldn't keep his mouth shut....sometimes he'd just sit there and blurt out the details of his past sexual exploits.....and speaking very crudely (he was 35), like "this chick I once banged..." That in itself was a shock, I wasn't used to a man that age talking like such a punk.
The longer we went out, the more nasty things he told me about...and I kept telling him that I didn't want to hear the specific, graphic details......but he was like a child who couldn't control what he said. It was bizarre.
After we split up, he wanted to be friends. Even as friends, he did this....but only worse...to the point of telling me that in his last relationship before me, he got his girlfriend (long term relationship of 4 yrs, they'd lived together) and her best friend (who were at their place) drunk....and he ended up sleeping with the drunk friend, in the same bed with his girlfriend (not a threesome). I nearly tossed my cookies when he told me this. This is not the kind of quality man I would knowingly date. Had I known he was such a disrespectful pig from the start, I would never have even met him for coffee.
This is a guy who would also start going into detail about having anal sex with past girlfriends. He was pretty sick if you ask me. He didn't give general details..he gave specifics.
As friends he divulged to me that he hopes to find a wife one day who'll once a year, on his birthday, bring home a drunk friend for him to sleep with. And he's dead serious.
All of what I learned from him was a far cry from the good wholesome moral principled dude he initially lead me to believe he was.
In general though....would I want to know the details of someone's past sex life/experiences? Not really. I don't see the point. Together we can learn *together* what each of us enjoys, I think. However, would I want to know if he's into fetishes and swinging and crazy sh*t and things that I think push the limits, yes I would......because someone like that would not be a good match for me...and I"d see no point wasting each other's time.
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I guess I'm the only one with good taste in TV shows anymore... with my love of Dr. Phil and Jerry, you know.
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