Many of you have read my sob story before but for those who have not....
My boyfriend of 4 years slept with his ex and then broke up with me! That was 2 weeks ago. One week after he dumped me he called and we talked for 4 hours and we both cryed! He said hes sorry for hurting me and he's afraid if we get back together he would only hurt me again! He finally came and got his stuff from my house yesterday. We were both uncomfortable at first and then we started talking and eased up. He was flirting with me in many ways! When we said goodbye he would not stop hugging and kissing me! He said he loves me and wants to be friends and talk. I asked him how its possible to be friends with someone you are still in love with and he said we'll figure it out. What do ya'll think?

[SoleMate]

I think a little part of him knows that he's a cakeman and that it's mean. And the other 97% of him wants to keep eating his cake.

[Misty2004]

Soulmate : I couldn't put it better.

onesadgirl:
listen to his words "he's afraid that if he'd get back with me he'd only end up hurting me"
He knows in he's heart that this it true. Just sometimes they have trouble actually saying it.

He loves you, but not in a relationship way. He loves you as the person you are. Of course he wants you as a friend. You care about him. You are a friend to him.

But what is right to you? Can you be his friend and not be hurt that it will only be that?

He wants you as a friend. He wants you there emotionally for him.
But at the moment, this will hurt for you. Friendship isn't meant to hurt. Friends are meant to make you feel good about yourself. You make him feel good about himself.
But what about you?

Do you need so time away from him, to get some emotional distance before becoming his friend?
If you think that will help then do that.
Tell him you can't be his friend at the moment.
Take time to grieve the relationship.

When you are ready, you will be able to be his friend without the feeling that you are missing something.

[midori]

Originally posted by onesadgirl
He said hes sorry for hurting me and he's afraid if we get back together he would only hurt me again!

Translation:

I regret that your hurt can be linked to my behavior, since I don't like feeling guilty. I'd love to keep messing around with you, but it's only fair to warn you that I will continue to behave as I have. So I'm hoping you'll allow me to keep on toying with you, knowing that if you do, any subsequent hurt is your own fault. Because after all, I warned you!

[Arabess]

I loved someone once and read between the lines........

The deal is this: If someone once told you openly how much they loved you or cared for you....if you have to read between the lines NOW...the sentiment isn't the same. Either he DOES or he DOESN'T. Love isn't a puzzle....and once it becomes one....it's now not love...it's only a game.

Obviously he cares about your feelings and also cares about what you once shared together.....but he's made other plans for himself. Is that hurtful as hell???? YOU BET! Can you get him back? NO ONE KNOWS!!

The best thing is to find a way to move on and find a new life and eventually love for yourself. It won't be easy and it will sting for awhile.....but many of us are here for you to talk to and find some peace with. PM if you need to.

I'm soooo damn sorry. I understand what you are going thru. However, face the facts and count the loss.....and realize his heart is elsewhere.

Your friend,
Arabess

[Karlise]

I understand your confusion.

But people tend to over-use the word 'love' a lot.

I think when he says he 'loves' you he means

"I feel terribly guilty for hurting you. You're a nice person but you're just not enough to keep me faithful. I really want to f*** other people. I DO find you attractive and sexy and gosh....I'm hoping we can have some no-strings sex! I feel guilty for feeling that. So I hope that by being semi-honest I can feel less guilty and keep you on a string just in case I need you as a back-up"

OK, sorry for the cynicism.

But please...listen to me. Love is not a word. Love is ACTION.

If one's actions don't demonstrate LOVE than that one does not feel LOVE.
Someone can use the word 'love' all they want.

But, I repeat, is the ACTION is not evident...they are lying to you. Or lying to themselves.