[LisiEeyore]

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So I guess I'm a little freaked out because all of my friends are getting engaged/married. My boyfriend and I have been together 9 months on 2/13/04. We talked since July of 2002 though so we actually know each other and aren't saying that we love one another in vain.

I really do love him but when he brings up getting engaged I kind of change the subject because I think we're kind of young. We're both 22. He is my first love and honestly, I'm happy with that. He is willing to wait for me because I don't want to have sex until I'm married. Of course there have been a lot of physical things happen.

Anyway, I want him to ask but I worry that he'll ask me at a time that isn't right. A big issue has been I may be moving to Virginia for a job when I graduate in May. He still has to finish school for a year after I'm done and then he wants to get his BS.. A lot of my friends think that he'll ask me before I move because he wants me to remember that he's there and things like that. He doesn't like that I bring up the worry of my moving but when I first had talked about it, he said that we should break up if I do go, now he says he'll be there. I just don't know what to think.

What do you all think? Will he propose before I move or will he wait?

[Arabess]

There really isn't any way to tell. Your friends can 'assume' he will ask....but they could very well be wrong.

I would THINK the two of you would have at least discussed marriage before he would ask you. If being together as a married couple, what types of plans you have for your future together or the 'forever' word has NOT been used......he may not be ready for that big of a step right now.

I know it's hard standing by while your friends are getting engaged and married......but it's not a reason to want to get married. When you get a chance, read some of the threads from married people who are unhappy for any number of reasons. Marriage is a BIG DEAL.....and getting married just for the sake of getting married.....can really screw up your life.

If you love this guy.....give him time.....because sometimes....only time will tell.

[LisiEeyore]

Hey, thanks.

It's good to hear that. He knows that I'm not ready for it and also knows that we both have a lot to do before we can even get that far.

I get freaked kind of easily and my friends, though meaning well, sometimes make it kind of hard to not freak out. I believe it will happen one day, when we're both ready, I just don't want him to for the wrong reason, like my friends suggest.

[SoleMate]

If I were you, I would start the discussion myself, in a light-handed way. "Oh, some day I'd love to be married...have you ever thought about marrying...what do you think is a good age...would you want to have enough money for a house before you marry...do you think you want kids...maiden names...joint checking accounts...stay at home mom...what is a good husband...what is a good wife...what if someone is tempted to stray...what if one of us is disabled...?" Not all at once, of course. Just over time, getting to know his thoughts and deciding your own.

These issues have to be discussed at some time. Otherwise, if some day he does ask you to marry him, you won't really know what kind of deal he has in mind.

Last thought...if you hope to remain sex-free until marriage, I would aim for an earlier date rather than a later.

Good luck!

[LisiEeyore]

We actually have gone through a lot of those. We are learning new things all the time, as I think that any relationship should be. At this point we have total trust in one another and also we love each other.

It's funny that just last night we kind of got into the conversation when I was stressing over possibly moving away for a job. His comment was "You should know by now that you are the one I want to marry." Of course I couldn't hold back too much longer and told him that it's not that I don't like hearing him say that, it's more of a worry that he'll rush it. Funny how reassuring that was when he said he knows not to with me, etc... Most girls would be really upset over this, I however feel very relieved.

I'm at a point where a lot of my friends and also cousins seem to be getting married. We've already attended 3 weddings together and have 3 more this summer to go to. I'm realizing that I'm not jealous of them, more worried for those who are just out of college with no job and going to grad school and how they are going to do it! Marriage takes so much work and financial issues are big problems, especially the first year.