[chumpz]

I now look back in deep regret
Of the bitterness and jealousy that just made me fret
Anger and hurt that she did know she caused
I felt provoked, then she sharpened her claws
So I took the brunt with anxiety and blame
And drowned in those feelings of guilt and shame

But I did nothing wrong, I do know now that’s a cert
For me to end what I wanted caused unbelievable hurt
She was just incapable of making a decision
forced me too it with distance, some derision
unaware maybe how much pain that can cause
she has seen this before many times that I’m sure
not quite to this extent, but I now realise why
because I could see my reflection deep in her eyes
So I pressured and wanted to talk these things over
I knew it was futile, and I never got closure

I do know she loved once, it is plain to see
we both promised things early that were far too deep
Of things she implied with talk of a future
Of a full life spent being a family together
usually It’s me who ‘bails out’ when things get that heavy
This time I wasn’t scared though for reasons a plenty

Would I have backed out further on down the line?
I’ll never know now, but I know I’ll be fine
Because like my past she leaves some things unspoken
"if I change my mind later I can surely re-open?"
"just in case I’ve lost the best thing that I’ve had"
"I’ll love you forever! I just went a bit mad"

So this now does seem all far too familiar?
I suppose because I have always done things very similar
realised no amount of pushing or understanding
Would’ve ever stopped her, she’s not one for taming
Talented special and crazy that’s why I loved her
And that deep emotional side of her addictive character
The saddest thing now is I know she’s torn apart
Looking to find ‘the one’ for her heart
But like me she’s conflicted, struggling to compromise
a life envisioned seen through those eyes
From the needs, wants, desires and independence
Or being trapped forever being ‘bored to death’ senseless

Well I did try my best and look where it got me
The ‘otherside’ this time, in shadows of insecurity
So time to bounce back, be that confident man
Leave in the past, block it out, and I know I can
Never live my life for somebody that much again
And heed all those warnings, avoiding more pain

Just make sure that I don’t go back to repeating
All that hurt that I used to and leaving girls reeling
Be a much better person and don’t push for trust
Or jump in with both feet, with desire and lust
Take my time these things take much longer
Don’t run or start letting my eyes start to wander
Be straight with any girl right from the start
If it doesn’t work out don’t rip out her heart
Just give her a reason, move on, no regrets
It’s the only way to avoid prolonged senselessness

“So my darling I really did love you once
I cannot go back now, both too destructive to trust
It’s the only way I can really end this you see
I’m strong enough now to keep the good memories
Without losing much sleep and not really eating
Or sit with the pictures endlessly repeating
The experience of every emotional outburst
Each time the connection was prolonging that hurt”

“We are both those people they call ‘creative types’
Singers/songwriters, musicians/artists that get hyped
Both you and I 'seem' to be regarded as talents
By our friends, peers, fans, but it seems not by our parents
Confident, witty, intelligent, regarded as ‘sexy’
But deep inside you and I feel worthless to many”