[littleitaly]

i was seeing this guy (he's 55, i'm 42) for the past 4 years and he was totally in love me and i loved him, he was married when we met, but just last year got a divorce and we were planning to be together by the end of this year (i still have some loose ends to tie up at my end) anyway, this past friday (1-23-04) i went over to his place for dinner and a movie, after we got done eating i cleared the table and washed the dishes, except for 2 small things in the sink, when i came back from the bathroom he asked me if i was done and i said 'yes' and he said 'i dont think so' but i insisted that i was done washing the dishes

as i sat at his table he continued putting dishes away and little knick knacks as i watched, i finally asked him if he was mad at me in which he replied 'no'

i left the kitchen and went into his living room where he appeared a few minutes later and told me 'this isnt going to work between us' i told him i agreed (but i didnt really) he said i didnt help out around there and then he got mad at me for calling the dishes 'your dishes' rather than 'our' dishes...i told him he was acting immature for getting upset over me not washing the last 2 items in his sink, he then told me to get whatever objects of mine were still there and to leave

i tried contacting him several times yesterday on his cell phone, i knew he knew i was calling cuz the phone would ring constantly until his voicemail finally picked up
he was just trying to see how many times i would call him

i even tried to go to his house after work, but he obviously knew i would do that so he purposely didnt come home at his usual time so i just ended up going home crying to no end wondering why he could love me 1 minute and turn on me the next...

do i write him off or do you think he still loves me and do we have a chance of getting back together?

[cdn]

I confess that I am confused as to why you would make an issue of those last 2 dishes, but I doubt he ended a 4 year relationship over them unless there is something bigger happening. You mention that you didn't do the last two dishes and that he complained that you referred to them as his dishes rather than your (collective) dishes. Is this something that has been an issue in your relationship, i.e., do you and he have different views on what's 'mine,' 'yours,' and 'ours'? If so, this could be the sort of thing that would lead to a break up.

Perhaps you can fill us in more on the dishes siutation and the larger picture and then we can help more.

I think any man correcting your dishwashing should send up a red flag for you.

Run!

It doesn't matter whether there are larger issues (yes, probably there are). What matters is that a man with whom you've been involved for four years just kicked you and all your belongings out of his house. Whether he's a control freak or a bully or just looking for excuses, a sudden break-up over the dishes is completely unacceptable. That is not a relationship of equals. I'm sorry if this sounds brutal, but I think you're lucky to get out now, before you're married.