[stangchik]

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Well last week we celebrated our 4 yr anniversary and my 24th b-day, and last night he tells me he needs time to figure out what he wants. He tells me he loves me and cares about me, but he has been so pressured in the past 3 months about asking me to marry him, hes not sure if even wants to get married now. He said if he purposes to me someday, he wants to do it because he wants to not because he feels like he has to. Of course, I don't want him to ask me if he has any doubts and hes not sure. Just after four yrs I think he should know.


I agreed to let him have the time to realize what he wants, and its going to be the harderest thing I have ever had to do. But of course not talking to him for one day is going to kill me. I love him more than anything and I can't imagine life with-out him, he told me to quit talking abouting marriage all the time but I didn't listen. NOW, I think I may have lost him!


Do you think that time alone could help?? I just want him to know 100% he wants to be with me the rest of his life.


Also, I am very sensitive and cry very easy and when he would try to talk to me I get so upset instead of understanding what he is trying to say. (so he tells me he cant talk to me) Do you have any tips on how I can give him the time he needs and go on about my everyday life without out him? I DO want to give him the time he needs and NOT push him any further than I already have! Please help me on dealing with this, so I don't lose him forever.

[Errol]

Just put one foot in front of the other and go about your daily routines. If you feel yourself getting ready to talk about marriage, pinch yourself or something to remind you to NOT talk about it.


You have to think about it youself though. What if he decides he doesn't want to get married? What is your own time-line for getting married? Do you want kids?

You might decide to have a conversation with him about marriage and tell him that you want to be married by the time you are xx years old and you want to start a family when you are yy years old, and you don't want to wait for him for so long that your own dreams and hopes are done away with. Or you might have to accept that in order to be with him, it will have to be as an unmarried couple and you may never have kids---have you two even talked about kids yet?

[stangchik]

Well I have a son that is 5 yrs old. We have talked about marriage some and kids. He said before he didn't want to get married till he is 25 and he would like to have children. I just turned 24 and will be 24 in Sept. But now from all the pressure he doesn't know if he wants to get married at all. I can understand the pressure being overwhelming, but now am I just suppose to wait till he call me and is ready to talk?

I do want to give him the time to realize what he wants, but say he decides he does want to be with me. I can't forget about the others things he has said:

He can't talk to me, there is a lot of things he keeps from me because I wouldn't understand... We can't communicate because I get upset so easy.

If we do talk about things how we go forward without repeating the past and having an open relationship.