[Wolvesbaned]

Today my husband and I are trying something new to help keep track of our progress as a couple and to maintain our issues. (After a week or so of lagging, I've finally started).

Our newest method is: On little Wal-Mart bought cards, recording what we want each other to work on. On our anniversary every month, we note our progress, without expecting everything (or anything) on the list to be resolved, a new list is constructed for the next month. The point is to help us focus on each others needs and see how we can make progress. The cute little cards are then put into a matching heart-shaped box.

*We've actually did something like this before and it helped us tons. Because we have selective memory, and bring things up in arguments that we think was recent but really isn't: we would "write each other up". I know this might not work for many people, but somehow it really worked for us.

What ways do you and your spouse maintain communication and understanding when just talking gets jumbled up?

Ameraijin suggested talking for 30 minutes every night before bed.
Taking long walks together is another suggestion we got from another couple.

Any ideas, suggestions or comments we can all bounce off each other?
Thanks guys

[Tony T]

The length, manner or venue of communication is not nearly as important as what is communicated. Become skilled in exchanging feelings as well as getting into each other's head to see how conclusions were arrived at. Learn what's going on inside. Long talks can get boring and become ineffective unless there is a particular issue that must be resolved to conclusion.

Communicating mundane happenings is fine but this is not the kind of interaction that feeds the soul. Unless you try to get to a deeper level of the other person and open them up, a relationship can ultimately be a very lonely place. Communication like this doesn't happen very often because most people are terrified to let others, even their special other, into certain parts of their soul.

How can you focus on another person's needs when they don't even have a clue what they are. Getting way down deep into their mind, heart and soul is the only way to a fulfilling relationship. All the other bantering can be done with the cashiers at WalMart and the two of you can go there separately.

[meanon]

If talking isn't working I'd suggest concentrating on the background intimacy which is the lifeblood of any relationship. Even (especially!) if you disagree, you can reassure each other by being particularly attentive and loving. Also you may want to think about what you are going to do to help the other person achieve what you want them to. Talking to someone may result in a change in their behaviour but it's a lot easier to achieve by changing your behaviour too. So you are dealing with action and reaction rather than just trying to change reaction. Behaviour does not occur in a vacuum.

Having fun together helps too - make it a top priority

[Thinkalot]

Good advice so far. Also take time to "check out" what the other person is REALLY saying to you...in other words, say to them "so do you mean .....?"...that way you can make sure you don't make false assumptions, or miscommunicate things to each other.