He confessed to cheating in his marriage...what to make of this?

befuddled11

I recently met a seemingly very nice, sweet, sincere guy...in his mid 30s like myself.

He told me from the start that he's divorced (for a few months now). Said he'd met his wife when they were both 18, they married at age 21 and had been married 13 yrs. He initially (and rather vaguely) explained that the reason "he left" was because neither of them made each other happy. I figured there had to be more to this, especially due to the fact that he kept telling me what great friends him and his ex wife still are, that she's a wonderful person and he wishes her the best, that she'll always have a place in his heart.

It all sounded too "rosy" to me. So why did they divorce, really?

During our second conversation, I could get a sense that he wanted to get something off of his chest. To make a long story short, he started off by telling me that for the latter 7 yrs of their marriage, they were more like "brother and sister" than husband and wife...that he's a very affectionate person and his ex wife was totally the opposite, and that he was slowly dying inside because he felt that if he loved her more, she'd be more affectionate and the way he thought a married couple should be.

Now keep in mind, this is only what HE has told me.

So he said that 2 yrs before the end of his marriage, he was away on a ski trip and some woman he met there came onto him and before you know it, he did something he never thought he'd do..and I guess they fooled around. Says they didn't have sex, though.

Says the guilt of having done this killed him.....so he decided to leave his wife. He didn't tell her about this other woman. He says he then moved in with this woman. Still not telling his wife the truth.

He ended up confessing it to her months later, they agreed to try working things out, but he said it still felt like they were just brother and sister. He says that in their last 2 yrs of marriage, they didn't even have sex (do I believe this?).....and he was too ashamed to talk to close friends about this.....wondering if THIS was how marriage could be.

Anyway, he ended up back with the other woman....but ended up breaking up with her because he says she was a "constant reminder" of his unfaithfulness....and after a lot of soul searching and reflection, he wanted to get himself together.

I can tell as he's confessing all this, that it's very hard for him. He keeps telling me that he'll likely always feel some degree of guilt. He says that just the night before, him and the EX wife were talking on the phone, and he was asking her something to the effect of, "how do I ever explain to a future potential girlfriend about what I did without her thinking the worst of me?" He says his ex wife told him to stop beating himself up about it.....and that if he hadn't done that, they'd likely still be together but not be happy.....that neither of them had been happy for several years.

So after he tells me all this, he wants to know what I think of him.

How awkward.

I DO admire his honesty, he surely didn't have to tell this all to me this early on........but now that I know, how the hell, in good conscience, could I invest any time getting to know someone who has cheated on his wife? How stupid would I be?

yes, I know..we all make mistakes....but I was once married to a very frequent cheater...I remember the pain. I know the pain others have gone through because of cheating spouses. I've always believed that once a cheater, always a cheater.

But geez, how many guys I'm sure I've dated who cheated on exes in their past, that I just didn't know about.........at least here's a guy who has been honest from the start...and I get the sense that it still really bothers him a lot (though that could also cross over into him being someone with a lot of "issues").

So what do I tell him? I feel it would crush him to say, "sorry pal, I appreciate your honesty and I admire the great qualities I know about you so far, but you were a cheating dog and I'd never trust you, so see ya."

What would YOU do/say, in a situation like this?

Thanks