[monkey]

If every relationship is a mystery to sort out thaen why are there so many couples together for long periods, after the honeymoon period.
Mabe my anxiety prob is another mystery she can sort for me.
Interest levels are for certain kinds of girls that always need that, shallow people that easily get bored, but i know her & she's not like the typical good time girl.
She's Hungarian & not at all interested in things that the average western girl is.
If all relationships were based on peeling off the layers, there'd be no point in people getting married because no-one would expect any kind of long term future.
I'm still the crazy idiosyncratic unpredictable nutter she first met, there's definately lots more in me to explore, the secret of a relationship i think is never to be routine & always have something up your sleeve & she knows that about me, i just feel space is required, like a refresh button of a relationship.
She never wanted me at all in the first place because a relationship may interfere with her plans.
I shall have more intriguing things in the future after our seperation, i'm in the transformation period, like a good rock group, constant reinvention

[amerikajin]

>>>If every relationship is a mystery to sort out thaen why are there so many couples together for long periods, after the honeymoon period. <<<

Mystery is what starts the relationship, because mystery is directly related to interest. Mystery adds to the interest level in a woman, at least initially. Respect (her perception of your general strength), compatibility, and thrill factor are what usually keep the relationship going.

>>>Mabe my anxiety prob is another mystery she can sort for me.<<<

That's usually not the kind of mystery a woman wants to sort out. Romantic love is conditional.

>>>Interest levels are for certain kinds of girls that always need that, shallow people that easily get bored, but i know her & she's not like the typical good time girl.<<<

That was your first mistake, assuming she wasn't like other girls. You're giving her too much credit.

>>>If all relationships were based on peeling off the layers, there'd be no point in people getting married because no-one would expect any kind of long term future.<<<

All relationships are about peeling off the layers to see what they like about someone. Eventually, they finish peeling off the layers to the point where they either decide they like what they see or they keep on shopping for something else.

>>>I shall have more intriguing things in the future after our seperation, i'm in the transformation period, like a good rock group, constant reinvention<<<

I'll say this: you've definitely got the right attitude. Confidence is attractive. Your strong will to overcome your challenges is attractive to a woman. Hopefully, it will be attractive to her, but if it isn't, so be it. It will be attractive to someone else, then.

[monkey]

i don't want anyone else.
i want to give her space & prove to her my transformation.
she was wanting me to change this for ages, now i am doing & doing everything in my power to, she seems to have had enough.
good things come to those who wait
absence makes the heart grow fonder
time heals
how many more sayings are there

[amerikajin]

Whatever changes you make in your life should be to your benefit, not someone else's, and that includes girlfriends. You shouldn't change just because a woman wants you to. Changing won't necessarily make you more attractive in her eyes.

[monkey]

Its's all so hard to understand, she hated my medical problem i had & this is 95% of why she needs space & the reason i'm here working so hard on my transformation, she always told me to be positive & never say never, which i am doing about us & yet she says she won't want to be with me in the future!
She knows this wasn't my fault, this anxiety problem & that it is something i never showed her before & that it isn't the real me, so why can't she tell me she'll see me in the future as friends to see how it goes, i mean if i'm different, how will she know how i'll feel?
Do you think people speak with there current emotion, i know i say things i don't mean when i'm angry?
I did overemail her initially when i returned because there was so much in my head that needed to come out, questions that i bombarded her with. She said she wanted to be nice & speak about what were doing etc & not the future, does this give you the impression that she can't talk of the future because no-one knows it, therefor a contradiction in her words.?
The no contact rule, when she said one a week & then saying she doesn't want to give me hope, she needs time to forget the difficult month we BOTH had, remember i hated it also, i was the one with the panic attacks! Do you think she will contact me if i leave it or should i continue the "1 a week" as we said, there was never a no contact rule, it was just the content of the mails.
Why we can't just arrange to sit round a table & iron this **** out is beyond me, ok were 6000 miles away now but at end of month she may be coming to europe, its so much a nightmare, she cares but not the way i do, all i need is this chance she promised.

[amerikajin]

Romance isn't rational. You can't just sit down and iron it out. If she's not interested, she's not interested. Period.

If she had a really high interest level in you to begin with, she would have stayed. Generally speaking, though, an anxiety problem isn't attractive to women. Please know I'm not saying that to be mean. It's just a fact. It's the exact opposite of what a woman wants and needs. She's looking for comfort and confidence. As far as she's concerned, there's nothing to iron out, and the distance between you makes it very unlikely you'll even get that chance.

However, you do have at least one last shot, and here it is: stop pursuing her.

You can keep in touch with her occasionally, but I'd generally let her initiate the contact from now on. Starting tomorrow, send her an email and tell her that you respect her space and that you think it's best if you tend to things in your own life for the time being, that she's welcome to drop a line anytime, but that you're extremely busy right now.

She'll surely send a "Hi, how are you?" e-mail from time to time. When you get one, wait a few days before responding. And when you respond, ALWAYS be upbeat. Don't even mention your struggles or problems at work. She doesn't want to hear that. Only focus on the positive things that are happening to you. A new job. New friends. A fun weekend. ONLY positive things!!! Once a week? No, more like once in a while, say every two or three weeks. I can't guarantee it will win her back, the odds are against you in fact. But it just might work. She'll sense and respect the fact that YOU are the one who is taking control here. Right now, you look just plain needy.

This is your ONLY chance to win her back, which is not a guarantee, either. If you do it any other way, though, you'll lose her for sure.

You'll probably laugh this off as some kind of childish game, but the truth is, the games work. Dating requires technique.

[monkey]

Ok thanks, i know your right, i just miss her & the life we went to begin. I'll not contact her, i'll do as you said at the end of the week.
I wouldn't hesitate to help her if she had the same prob, thing is she's not like the average western club going good time girl, she's very motherly & plain clean living, so un-English. I know many girls who wouldn't have even helped me at all. I tell her that i never wanted this, like what if i had cancer, would it be the same then. If she got ill & i leaft her, i'd be considered selfish! I was always told a relationship isn't about perfect partners, but a triumph over imperfections.

I just hope also that the things she said were because she was annoyed, we all say things we don't necesarily mean when angry, i mean she wants to see a different me, but knows she won't want to be with me, i mean, that don't make sense to me!
I'm gonna back off, big time & wait for her. I guess i've no choice, but what if she says 1 a week.?