I'm not sure what the reference to insecurity means
Anyway, it seemes you're asking three different questions:
1. Why do we feel insecure in relationships that we have done everything possible to maintain security[i]
2.[/quote]Why do some people act out by having affairs?
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3.
[Why do] some act out by putting up with it?[quote]
Complicated questions, but maybe a simple answer: human nature?
IMHO: Our human /animal nature drives us towards infidelity. Society and personal moral standards (human/uberanimal drives) are conflicting with the natural trend (karma?). Individuals make their choice: which will motivate me?
Our human /animal nature drives us towards infidelity
Piffle. Previous pain creates fear. We are insecure because we fear loss. We have suffered losses. We know others who have suffered losses. We read it all the time on the boards. We don't want to go through it (again).
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The Neanderthal instinct of mating with as many different members of the species as possible can only go so far. We are supposed to be capable of using our thought processes to reason that this is no longer absolutely necessary for perpetuation of one's own bloodline.
I guess what makes people so insecure, in one respect anyway, is that others are not capable of showing compassion.
Quote:
Individuals make their choice: which will motivate me?
That statement comes as close to hitting the nail on the head as I've seen so far.
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I, Dave, hath chosen to also photo with long lense which protrudes from my camera of life force and shows falic symbol erected in direction of assembled love mass. .... but telephoto lense being hard and erect will attract many horny love-sturved babes to my shift before deadline and I will go into press room behind ink barrel to press lense into soft, velvet case and make love froever more. .....
We are insecure because we fear loss. We have suffered losses. We know others who have suffered losses. We read it all the time on the boards. We don't want to go through it (again).
Who ever "we" are or "it" is quite insignificant, locogirl. These are the opinions developed after having spent more time in the LS dis-board than nature intended.
IMHO: probably because they have become so abrasive in any other mediums of communication they have no substitute.
Although your questions are well taken by those of us who are not included in "we," like, myself, your questions are rather broad, and probably would be easier to digest if you explained why they have been asked, and if you asked them one at a time (different threads).
Please do not be intimidated by the somewhat flippant "Piffle" reaction; but try to focus the questions better.
Yes, what I mean is that your opinion, among tha aggregate of humanity "we" in insignificant, and possibly not a reflection of most, and certainly not me.
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We are supposed to be capable of using our thought processes to reason
Certainly there must be much reasontosigh while living in our real world compared to the world we're "supposed" to be living in, but we're not in utopia, humans do stray from moral norms despite all the nuture-sighs we may emmit
Yes I am reading this thread, just having a busy couple of days at work...
Sorry for the bad grammar. I didn't mean to imply that everyone here is insecure.
After my own discovery that my husband is signing up for singles chats I started thinking about how often I've read posts were the people are falling apart over their partners infidelity. How not alone I really am.
Then I've seen the posts from some people who are having the affair and it appears to me that they are being insecure too, since they aren't just leaving an undesirable relationship for a better situation, they are stringing along two people, or more, as it seems, to get a boost to their ego from that.
So I was thinking that perhaps the cheater is just as insecure as the cheated on, and that the cheater is getting their self esteem boost from the anxiety caused to their partner(s).
So - though there seems to be quite a few healthy people posting here, there seems to be allot more people here with security issues.
Maybe I'm over generalizing? Sorry.
So what is it that makes us this insecure?
Is it the Media? Were people this unhappy with themselves before they were seeing so much of what they can't obtain on the TV, Movies and Internet?
I don't remember infidelity being an issue with any of my older relatives. My Aunts never talked about how fat they were - and they were very fat! They never worried over were their husbands were... or if they were spending too much time at the computer and not enough at earning a living. Is this insecurity a product of our time?
How do we over come this?
How do we help our partners feel good about themselves?
How do we learn to speak up and to take care of ourselves?
Perhaps it is impossible to target one thing that causes insecurity, but most may agree that security itself is a basic human need only slightly less desireable than food, water, and shelter. Perhaps how secure you are depends on what you see in the mirror, figuratively speaking. And what you see is rarely reality, but a composite of what everyone has told you they see.
Many people may see nothing in the mirror, because no one has ever cared enough to speak to them in any way. Other, most secure people may have been told all their lives how wonderful they are by everyone around them.
Of course, then this could all be Piffle, and human insecurity might be the result of weak resolve, probably a result of the original sin, for which all but the chosen will burn in hell for eternity after being ritually stoned to death.
Hi..speaking as one who is overcoming insecurities, I will tell you my first hand reasons on why I believe I get insecure.
1. FEAR FEAR FEAR of being hurt, let down, lied to, looking stupid....
Why? Because life has taught me that those things can happen to me, because I used to be too trusting and naive and got hurt. Because I've had ups and downs in this relationship too.
2. MY PERSONALITY TYPE/INTELLIGENCE...tendency to strive for perfection, be the best, be competitive, and therefore COMPARE myself to others, which sets up a trap, of always competing, and sometimes never feeling quite adequate, instead of accepting we are ALL special and unique. Always thinking, analysing.
3. MY BRAIN TYPE...history of obsessive thinking in my family. Tendency to obsess and be anxious myself, therefore the insecure thoughts can get caught in a loop in my head.
4. MY BACKGROUND...the way my mum acts, the way I was brought up...all this can effect the way I think and process things
That's just some of the stuff I guess. I don't blame my genes for everything at all, but I do think they can play a part. Other stuff can too, such as upbringing and lifestyle, parents. It's just a big complex issue, and we are all different. I reckon fear is the biggest.
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