[xalysabethh]

Ok i'm sure some of you know my story but just in case i will include it in condensed version: i was married to my high school sweetheart we were together about 9 years married about a year and ahalf two small children 7 months and 4 years old. i found out he was having at least an emotional affair, if not more. and he siad he didnt know if he wnated to be married that being married makes him sick. etc. well he wanted time/space so i gave him months of time and space (just a note this was not the first time this was happening he has broken upw ith me like 9 times in the past years, and i kept going back . he has this hold over me...., noone liked him my mom didnt even want me to marry him because of all the hurt) but i had thought things had changed it had been like 3 years since he had pulled one of his" idont know what i want stunts" well anyway so we tried to work things out over the summer he said he loved me he quit tlakign to that girl i gave us a month then i said if the phone billcame and he was still calling her it was over.. well during that month i found a love card and letter to her and of course when the phone bill came he was calling her like 4 5 times a day (they work together also_ so i kicked him ou tthat day. well i still see him every week b/c of the kids. well all along he told me he defiantly wanted a divorce but were waiting till march when our bankrupcy is over. well then on thanksgiving he broke into my house read all my emails found about me and my guy friend who were "talking" at the time. and he broke a bunch of things, i filled a police report but now hes like obsessed with getting me back. and i know with about 90 percent of my heart that i shouldnt go back he'll just leave again, the kids will be older an hurt more.. etc. but then ih ave days that are bad and i start feeling like im doing the wrong thing. or what about our future plans. and now he claims to change and he wants me to be a stay at home mom etc but i dont know i feel lost some days. and this week is bad i just go back and forth about how i feel all day long any ideas, advice anyone btdt? thansk
xalysabeth

[moimeme]

Why do you keep going back for more punishment? Do you not believe you deserve better than this? All of your history proves he is unreliable - how many more times does he need to hurt you before you finally believe that this is how it always will be? Shut him out and never, ever take him back again.

[xalysabethh]

Thanks I understand what you were saying and all, But my dilemma is a few things one is I do know that I do love him and he is the father to my kids, I also feel that i'm givng up so much if I leave him, like our future , I mean if we stay together we'll hve 5000.00 from our tax refunds which will be starting of us to get a house, I can be a stay at home mom. a lot of other things. But i'm just scared he'll leave again. i'm so sad and depressed right now.
xalysabeth

[moimeme]

So a car and a tax return and staying at home are worth more than your self-respect? It's yours to choose but he's made you miserable already many times. You'd think at some point you'd get sick of it.

[brashgal]

Take it from someone about 10 years further down the road than you. We had the nice house and vehicles and friends and good jobs and things going well with kids and he still had those bouts of "I don't know what I want". And he cheated and then wanted to work on the marriage and again cheated and separated and wanted to work on the marriage but he wanted an OW on the side too.

At some point in time, enough is enough.

I cut my losses. Know what? Kids are happier since we aren't fighting all the time and they get more attention. They even enjoy the OW (I alternately have feelings of happiness and horror about that). Still good as they have more love in their lives.

Me? I'm coming along. It took several months to say "I'm not going to do this again" but now when I say it, I mean it.

Just know that you can survive this if you decide enough is enough.