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Part of the problem I see in the “nice guys” vs. “jerks” debate is that is assumes all other things being equal, the girl will pick the jerk. The reality is rarely in life are all things otherwise equal. If I were the tall, rich, handsome guy, she would have probably picked me over the jerk. I think shlubby looking jerks would have just as much trouble getting the girl over the handsome charming nice guy as vice-versa.
At any rate, I don’t think I’m entitled to the girl just because I treat her or others with kindness. I don’t believe in karma, and think it’s a Hollywood fairy tale. I treat others with kindness and respect because it’s a personal choice I made, not because I believe there’s a reward in it for me waiting down the road. I could very well live a virtuous and charitable life and end up alone. One really has little to do with the other, IMHO.
Originally posted by InmanRoshi
Part of the problem I see in the “nice guys” vs. “jerks” debate is that is assumes all other things being equal, the girl will pick the jerk. The reality is rarely in life are all things otherwise equal. If I were the tall, rich, handsome guy, she would have probably picked me over the jerk. I think shlubby looking jerks would have just as much trouble getting the girl over the handsome charming nice guy as vice-versa.
At any rate, I don’t think I’m entitled to the girl just because I treat her or others with kindness. I don’t believe in karma, and think it’s a Hollywood fairy tale. I treat others with kindness and respect because it’s a personal choice I made, not because I believe there’s a reward in it for me waiting down the road. I could very well live a virtuous and charitable life and end up alone. One really has little to do with the other, IMHO.
Just wanted to add that the sonofabitch has every much chance of finding a winning lottery ticket on the sidewalk as the saint. And vice versa, the saint has every much chance of standing in the way of a runaway bus as the sonofabitch. Its hard for us to accept this cold-natured randomness in life and nature, which is why religion has been a booming business since the beginning of man.
I could very well live a virtuous and charitable life and end up alone. One really has little to do with the other
Ah, thank heavens! A voice of reason!! A breath of fresh air!!!!
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I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
Ho hum grow up guys. In South Africa after massive human rights abuses they had the truth commission and many people have risen above their pasts and are getting on with living in true a multi racial society. People get over experiences of torture, death of loved ones etc by taking responsibility for their own mental health and getting help to break the cycles of alienation and damage. If we all generalised based on bad experiences to entire genders/races we would constantly be at war. To those of you in the women = manipulator/psycho b*tch/game player category: you may prevent yourself from ever being hurt again by refusing to view women as equals but if you don't risk you will never love so unless you want to remain lonely you will need to forgive and let go. Of course there are gender differences (long may they live!) but we are united by more than we are divided ie. our humanity.
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>>> She was attracted to him because he was simply the better “catch”. He was tall, attractive and came from a ridiculously rich family that spoiled him rotten. I was just average looking and came from working class parents and was dirt poor in college.<<<
And yet I bet this wonderful girl of yours probably complained to her friends about how she can't find the right guy. Just like a good girlfriend of mine used to complain to me about the guy who cheated on her - who just happened to be the guy she left me for two years earlier.
Look, I don't blame women in this situation anymore. I didn't "get it" then, but I do now. I understand how the game is played. It's just that, now, I've decided that I can play the same game too, and I can have just as much fun and variety of choice in relationships as they do...and I don't wanna hear any lip about how I'm a bad guy for acting this way now. I was the nice guy who gave my full undivided attention to one woman at a time...and it didn't get me anywhere. It's true: women don't want men who are available. If you don't believe me just go take a look at "The Other Man/Woman" thread and see for yourself. That's citing examples in the extreme, I realize, but it just goes to show how the dating mind works.
None of this means I don't have any ethics when it comes to dating - I do. I still believe that if I've asked a woman to date me exclusively then I should be good to my word, though that doesn't mean I can't trade the old car in for a new one if I'm so inclined. But what I've realized is that when you're playing the dating game, it pays to keep your cards close to your chest.
If you don't like any of what I've written above, well I guess I'm sorry. Don't hate the player, hate the game.
Um. You must have had women since you seem to have had relationships with them which soured you on them. I believe you said the difference is that you have them now plural rather than singular. And I'm not exactly sure how that puts you ahead of how you were before in any way. It's just now you're finding multiple people who still aren't right for you, right?
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