[yes]

i'll try to make it short:

i met a guy; he rlly liked me and pursued me; i said 'friends only', he said 'ok'; since then, we'd email and meet occasionally. every time we met, i felt like he was waiting it out until i'd change my mind and date him (when i expressed this to him, he said it was my illusions, but i felt pressured in that way nevertheless). at some point, i said - well, ok, let's try dating; but we couldn't even find a time to meet up - i just naturally chose other events over meeting him, which showed me that no, as much as i like this person, i can't date him. so after uhm a year and a half or so, i said - illusions or not, i feel pressured, i feel bad for giving you false hope by meeting you now-n-then, let's not meet anymore. this obviously upset him, especially because i accidentally told him this on his bday (i wished him happy bday the night before, at midnight, and forgot it was still that day the next day, oops!)

anyway, the bottom line is that i feel bad for hurting him, although hey - it may be just my illusion. i wonder if i can fix this in any way, or if i did the right thing, etc. plz advise!

-yes

[Tony T]

The best birthday you could have given him was honesty. Honesty is good for every occasion. While he may not have liked what you had to say...and he may not even give it a lot of credence...he needed to hear it. You haven't seen the last of this guy. If he didn't pay any attention to you before, he won't now. He'll be waiting in the wings for you to come around. Some men are very slow and it could take him a while before he gets the message, poor guy. But his life is NOT your responsibility. Move on and don't look back. You did your part by not leading him on. You absolutely did the right thing and you don't have to do anything more except stop feeling bad.

[yes]

Well, I'm very glad to hear that, Tony. Self-centered as I am, I do try not to hurt others needlessly.

-yes

[moimeme]

I think that post would inform your situation in terms of taking his feelings into consideration. You did that; you tried to let him down gently and with care. It wouldn't mean that you never let anybody down or that you have to ignore all your own feelings, just that you try to be gentle with other people's hearts.

[yes]

I do try to be gentle with hearts (and i like that way of putting it, Moimeme )! Unfortunately some hurt is unavoidable ... for me, it's mainly pushing away my parents & guys who're too slow to see I'm not interested. The hardest part is balancing being honest with being gentle *sigh*

-yes