[yes]

there's a madness with gifts in my family. one side of the family has a tendency to overspend, be in debt, etc. the other side is kind of uptight with money. both sides dislike the other one for their spending philosophy. on top of that, everybody has different levels of income, the overspending side being on the high end.

what ends up happening is that the range of gifts goes from, say, $150-200 per person to $20 per person. it's freaking ridiculous!! everybody ends up feeling uncomfortable, and gifts becomes the worst part of the holiday season. on top of that, much of the expensive gifts given end up being unused for various reasons.

i was OK this year because I gave everybody smth hand-made by me, so no $value there, phew.

but i was wondering if this happens in other families, and how things get resolved?

-yes

[mfrmboy]

Yes, not just with family but with friends also! Its like Im single and my aunt is married with 5 kids. Ive always purchased nice gifts for them everyone got one to two 15.00 to 50.00 gifts. Thats alot of money considering all I ever get is a 2.00 to 5.00 gift from family dollar.
Now A friend of mine who I am very close to has a husband and two kids. I always get them really nice gifts. From them I would usually get a pre packaged gift like some hot coco and a couple of mugs. This year they asked what I wanted so I gave them a few suggestions and it worked out great I got a new vcr that I needed.
How ever the plastic unicorn snow globe I got from the aunt will be going to the good will as do most of the gifts she has given over the years.
I always adore them in her presence and then I dump em.
I mean its not like they are poor or dont have money.
I just dont get it!

[brashgal]

It happened in my family and also with my inlaws. With my family we began by limiting the $ amount and then as everyone started having children we started sending even smaller gifts for the adults (concentrating on the children instead). Finally we are to the point where we buy only for the kids and there is a $20 limit per child. I've decreased the number of gifts I buy for my children, they receive something from so many relatives that it seems obscene.

My inlaws are another story though. I am still receiving gifts even though technically I am not a family member and I feel somewhat pressured to buy them gifts as well. I just sent them nice pictures of the kids.

There was one year where we made gifts - well-received by some, sneered at by others (we found one gift meant to be used in the kitchen being used outside in the garden - ex was quite insulted!). He went back to buying them gifts after that year - I did not miss the drama of shopping for them this year. It is very hard to buy for people who have everything and who you rarely see. One relative has been known to regift without thought to who might notice - aaauugghh!

[mintjulep]

Man, re-gifting is the worst! It's hard to do it tactfully - not that it ever is "tactful", but even Miss Manners condones it if she thinks you're "bright enough" and "classy enough" to do it.

Anyway...My parents have taken to only buying small gifts for the kids (I have a TON of cousins and step-cousins), and getting something like chocolates, or popcorn tins, etc for the adults. That way everyone can enjoy, and money isn't spent on something they might not use. Grandma and Grandpa get "big" gifts, but other than that, my parents' philosophy is that they can take what they are given and smile, or they can be mean about it, but it doesn't phase my parents in the least. The only thing that phases my mom is this family who is only related through marriage who continue to buy us [nice, thoughtful, relatively expensive] presents. She says it stresses her out because people who aren't related to us shouldn't worry about us at Christmas. I guess...the Christmas spirit of giving is somewhat lost on my mom after 24 years of having to put up with my dad's side of the family (horrible people when it comes to this stuff, lol).

Now I'm worried as to how I'm going to be when it's my family and my in-laws...eeshk...