Location: the easter bunny has eggs! breathe in; breathe out. there is still wonder in the world :)
Posts: 2,735
importance of ring, etc?
i need someone to explain to me why the ring, etc, is so important to so many people. it really irks me when i see posts that are way more focused on aesthetic details of the wedding and don't seem to note or care the expense or the feelings of the groom.
i know growing up poor has made me kind of cheap. but i would never ask a man i loved enough to marry to shell out his hard earned money for this kind of expensive superficial stuff, especially if i was not helping pay for it.
because i am this disturbed, there must be something i'm missing, or some perspective i don't understand. seriously, why does all that ****e matter that much? this is very much on my mind, as we are planning ours, and i can't tell you the amount of censure i've run into in this town about my 18$ mexican silver engagement ring, which i love. it actually hurts me to see people insult my bf's choice; i don't even know what to say to them.
we make pretty good money now, together, but we would rather spend it on our loans and investments, i guess.
i don't know. i just need new points of view on this.
You have only one problem as I commented some time ago. You live in Stepford
No really I have a friend who spent a fortune on her wedding - all the trimmings. She really enjoyed it but her parents (who planned it) didn't dad had a recurrence of angina and was too stressed to do the speech and mum was on Valium and looked like a zombie. Bride and groom loved it (wedding not parents illness).
For many the ritual of marriage is just that - very set, prescribed by commercial and cultural forces (advertising, magazines, books etc). Hell even the fairy tales we get read as children feature a bride dressed in a meringue at the happily ever after. The dress, the ring - they are all part of the ritual. Also it's competition for some folk (keeping up with the Jones's). Enjoy doing it your way and don't let the small town censure spoil your day. The best way of getting a ring you like is to go with him when it's bought - I would never have trusted my bf with this role
Because, clearly, they are all inferior humans. As so many of us are. But you knew that.
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Last edited by moimeme; 9th January 2004 at 10:12 PM..
I'm with YOU Jenny.....I don't have a clue why the financial value of the ring would make any difference at all. I'd be just as happy if some guy picked me up a fake one at WalMart. I really wouldn't care either way. Then again, I'm not a lover of jewelry.
I've been disappointed over 'jewelry gifts' in the past....because I would much rather have a cool household item.
I think for me the ring would be a status thing, something a little more concerete that he loves me so much that he watns to be with me for the rest of his life. but i wouldnt care if it was a ten dollar ring off the rack at wal mart or something
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"But Daddy I want an oompaloompa NOW!"
"Thats just my opinion though, I could be wrong"
"Its better to be pissed off, than it is to be pissed ON"
As soon as anyone at the meeting starts to tear my argument apart, I'll remember to give myself a quick rub then stand up and smell my fingers whilst responding to my opponent calmly and with poise.
But...if he wants to spoil you, then let him. I knew a girl that wanted a 33,000$$ engagement ring! I never understood that! Im happy for you Jenny knowing that your love is stronger than basing it all on silver and gold! Good luck in the future!!
$ 33,000 engagement ring ? !!!!!!!! That's ten times what my whole wedding cost LOL!!!! I suppose it's fine if you have money to burn but jewellery isn't that great an investment. If my guy had that sort of money, I'd try to persuade him to invest it in the home or something more sensible than a hunk of rock for me. Heck, I'd be afraid somebody would chop my hand off!
I can't speak for everyone else, but the ring, to me, should make you feel excited and happy, when you look down at your hand, you should immediately smile, maybe even glow abit. It's a symbol of his love and a promise of youre future together. And in a sense it's a reflection of you, and how he thinks of you. So some people can get carried away thinking price=the perfect ring. I also wouldn't care if it's a real diamond or not as long as it was unique or a one of a kind. Just as you should be to him.
A ring is a gift, not a right. The man gets you the ring, your reaction to it is your own perogative. If you can't find anything special in *any* ring the man you love gives to you, then perhaps you don't know what to look for. To a man, the ring is *not* what we think of you. It's what we think you want, and if misjudging your tastes is an unforgivable offense, perhaps you DO know what you're looking for, and it goes long beyond a tiny little rock.
Location: the easter bunny has eggs! breathe in; breathe out. there is still wonder in the world :)
Posts: 2,735
Re: importance of the ring
Quote:
Originally posted by Moony
I can't speak for everyone else, but the ring, to me, should make you feel excited and happy, when you look down at your hand, you should immediately smile, maybe even glow abit. It's a symbol of his love and a promise of youre future together. And in a sense it's a reflection of you, and how he thinks of you. So some people can get carried away thinking price=the perfect ring. I also wouldn't care if it's a real diamond or not as long as it was unique or a one of a kind. Just as you should be to him.
actually, this is helpful. i really did want new perspectives, usually when i feel that judgemental about something it's because i'm ignorant about or i've never listened to anyone with a different cultural perspective. i think i know what you mean, i do feel that way looking at my ring. i would not feel that way if i knew it cost too much, but those are my poverty-driven guilt issues.
meanon - lol!! on stepford~ i really am! but it's making me mometarily very kitschy-subversive; maybe i'll give them all vibrators as shower gifts.
meanon - lol!! on stepford~ i really am! but it's making me momentarily very kitschy-subversive; maybe i'll give them all vibrators as shower gifts
Hold that thought - far better than being cowed by the ignorant! You know the second word is wives so it could get worse when you are wed - may as well establish once and for all that people will like you for you rather than the roles they expect or they can be outraged elsewhere. What better way than vibrators? Lol a sheer stroke of brilliance
What is this shower business - what is it for? Is it a hen night? My dictionary says it involves presents - are they as well as wedding presents or instead of? Sorry but I find trappings of ceremonies interesting probably because I grew up without any. My first and only church wedding was as a bridesmaid - bizarre but fascinating.
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