There are cases in which a woman gets more involved in her husband's business, snooping around in his stuff more often and checking up on his whereabouts, thus "strengthening" her connection to her husband's life. But underneath a commited, healthy relationship is trust. Infidelity breaks that trust. So answer: No.
But I'm neither a cheater nor married, don't take my word for it.
It didn't strengthen my relationship. Actually it has been at the source of many problems for us. But we chose to stay together. I don't trust him the way I used to, and maybe I never will. But I hope to.
Just because I love analogies so much, you're right. It is like a glass. Once broken, you can put the pieces back together and glue them, even to the point of being able to use the glass again for drinking out of. However, each time you drink the glass, you'll see the cracks, and you'll remember that the glass isn't quite what it used to be. You may notice your drink tastes funny, and you'll blame it on the glass, yet no matter how good it tastes, the cracks will never go away. Plus, if you merely chip the glass again, it's suddenly not worth gluing again.
It is like a glass. Once broken, you can put the pieces back together and glue them, even to the point of being able to use the glass again for drinking out of. However, each time you drink the glass, you'll see the cracks, and you'll remember that the glass isn't quite what it used to be. You may notice your drink tastes funny, and you'll blame it on the glass, yet no matter how good it tastes, the cracks will never go away. Plus, if you merely chip the glass again, it's suddenly not worth gluing again.
Wow. Loved that, D. Although I hated that I could relate to it, it was wonderful.
Re: has your marriage become stronger after infidelity?
Quote:
Originally posted by Doreme
Can anyone here give me an example that your marriage has actually become stronger after infidelity?
Well, it hasnt been that long for us since it happened. A little more than a month. We talk a lot more, so that part is better. The trust...........working on it.
Well, I'm going through the same question...with a great deal of pain. My wife cheated me some 10 years ago...she admitted to it being a "kissing/emotional" type affair approx 6 years ago and that nearly killed me and the marriage. But I stuck to it and "no" the marriage did not get stronger but it hung to-gether. Precisely 1 year ago she admitted that it was a full blown, sex and all type affair....and this time it is really knocking me over...at this point, convinced our marriage will not last...the kids and financial burden are still keeping us together..but not sure for how long.
The thing I'm realising is this...a marriage must survive on strong trust and love in order to withstand the downs that happen in any marriage. An affair...I'm starting to believe....may be temporarily forgotten whilst things are good..however, when the arguments and down moments come....the affair is not far from the surface. Boy I'm experiencing that sick-in-gut feeling now. My answer...no....unfortunately. I just wish I could find the magic eraser.
it's been 7 weeks now since I found out my friend cheated on me (story under "4 weeks and having a bad day"). It somehow kickstarted our relationship again. Seeing me so hurt made him realise he still loves me very much. What helped me was seeing how bad he felt every time I brought the subject up, he said he had been "a real jerk". Talking about it helped, not keeping it in the dark, but at some point I said I'd rather stop asking him things about it, I was repeating myself anyway and my pain and tears made him feel so guilty and low that he couldn't give me the love and reassurance that I need to re-build my self-esteem.
We are finally communicating again. After 5 weeks I decided I wanted to get our love life back the way it was at the beginning of our relationship, and started doing the things I had always been a bit shy about but really wanted to try, and boy did that help... It's never been so good.
I just have to stop comparing etc. myself to his other sexpartners. If he had been with them BEFORE we were together I wouldn't have minded or compared... then why am I doing it now ? Because he was with me and choose to be with another woman anyway ? He thought I wasn't interested in sex anymore and didn't want to bother me with it or talk about it (big mistake, by the way). Yes, he made a really stupid mistake and we have lost a lot of time because of not communicating. But I realized I also still loved him - I was hurt but if I didn't love him anymore, I would have packed my things and gone away. But I didn't feel like doing that.
About that glass - I have thought about the same line. That glass had to be broken, it was an illusion, the illusion that he was faithful and not lying etc. while he was. So now there has to be a new glass, a more realistic one, where I can also see that he's only human and never meant to hurt me. The blind trust of the "old" glass was exactly that - blindness to the changes a relationship goes through, not seeing the signs, not communicating and then ending up being hurt because we never saw it coming...
I want to drink from a new glass, with the same man. I do love him very much and we are both giving it our best shot. We cannot change the past but we can accept it - **** happens, but I hope we can grow some flowers on it...
A lot of people would rather drink from the old & broken glass than find a new one, because they are not able to find (or afford) a new glass???
Finding a new glass is not easy at all, buying a new glass sometimes is very costly. and...the quality of a new glass..No guarantee! It may be just as fragile as the old one...
Originally posted by brownhair
He thought I wasn't interested in sex anymore and didn't want to bother me with it or talk about it (big mistake, by the way). Yes, he made a really stupid mistake and we have lost a lot of time because of not communicating.
Sounds like YOU made the big mistake. Were you holding out on him? If you were, you got what you deserved. If not, then he's a low-life.
I cheated on my boyfriend of 4 years. This happened 6 months ago and we are not together anymore, he cannot forgive me, and I don't blame him. I have HOPE of us getting back together because I love this man with all my heart. At first I had an extremely difficult time accepting it was over especially because I forgave someone who cheated on me. Infidelity is way too difficult to live with and for some people probably not worth it. I hate myself for hurting him and for ruining such a great friendship/relationship, but I have accepted my life for what it is and I understand what I put him through, and how he feels today.
This has been the biggest learning lesson of my life. Trust plays a huge part in a relationship, and once it's broken it's broken. For my own sake I wish that my ex would believe that it can be mended with time and lots of work from me. People make mistakes and don't think of the consequences. I know I learned a lesson of life, and never did I imagine I could hurt this much, and even worse knowing that I hurt myself. For all of you out there that are dealing with betrayal, teach your partner a lesson and don't forgive too quickly... if your spouse feels it's over they too will learn a lesson in life. I know this is the first time and last time I will ever deal with betrayal from either side.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
has your marriage become stronger after infidelity?
Actually it has been at the source of many problems for us. But we chose to stay together. I don't trust him the way I used to, and maybe I never will. But I hope to.
Linear Mode
