[Tkay]

Hi.

I'm an 18 yr old (well .. turning 18 in 2 months anyway) boy, who never had a girlfriend.
Something like a month ago i fell in love with a girl from my grade, but she wasn't interested in me I guess.
We talked -ALOT- on msn, but well on some party she kissed another guy and now she's dating that guy.
I was sad,very sad, but I got over it. The funny thing is that i really improved over the time that i loved her. I got contacts , got a new haircut, got loads of new cloths etc.


Anyway: 3 days ago she introduced me to a (female)friend of her, let's call her tiziana from now on, who was on a new-years eve party (31December)
I tried to dance with her, but whenever i was actually standing in front of her, dancing , she just kept dancing like she was , just looking a bit around (so no interaction)
we only made eye contact very few times , but we both smiled at eachother when we did.
When everyone was away for a second we talked a bit - very bit -


anyway.. on the bus home we were sitting next to each other , the bus ride was like 1 hour , and these are the only things we said to eachother
someone fell or something and she made a remark about it (this was the ice-breaker) and suddenly we both asked at the same time "how did u like the party"
well, we both said it was ok
i asked her if she was coming to a specific party the next day and she said "yes, and you?"
so i say "yes, i think it will be fun" .. she: "ye i think so too"
and then..silence...

I really sat there 1 full hour , actually THINKING what i could say or ask.

when i was almost where i had to get off she asked where i was supposed to get off .. so i say where i live and ask her where she was getting off
she said where she lived, and i asked something like "u also sleeping over at annsophie's house(because another girl was)" and she said somethin like "hehe no" ... and again , conversation over.

Well then, yesterday at the party:
again , tried to dance with her, again , she just looked away, i figured i wasnt really trying (looking at some mates who were really grabbing some girls) so i got a beer
when i got back she was gone for a moment , not sure where to , but they just started some slow songs. (i was like.. oh crap!)
anyway... after a while she came back to my group, and when I wasnt paying attention, some guy started dancing with her and talking to her alot. I immediatly saw she was more interested in him then in me.
At the end of the night they were standing outside kissing . Really felt bad about it.

Today on MSN i talked to the guy she kissed with. Well , I'm just going to copy past (and translate ofcourse) his words

He says:
dunno
He says:
don't remember much
me says:
are u dating tiziana now?
He says:
dunno
He says:
I dont feel like a relation at the moment
He says:
Was she a good looking girl?
me says:
I think so
He says:
dunno
He says:
dunno about everything dude
me says:
did u kiss her yesterday?
He says:
ye i did
He says:
u got a pic? cant remember how she looked
me says:
*sends pic*
He says:
pfffff dude
He says:
dunno
He says:
I dont want a relationship at the moment
He says:
it was just for one night
He says:
pffff
He says:
What nationality is that girl?
me says:
not sure.. I'm guessing turkish or summit
He says:
pfff
He says:
Im a racist dude
He says:
thats a no go
me says:
but i think she's a pretty girl
He says:
i dont like dark girls
He says:
she isnt ugly tough
He says:
her ass is high though
He says:
that i remember
me says:
i see :/

to wrap it up. She doesnt like the girl because she's foreign. ( omg. I'm not as good as such an *******?!??!! )

today i talked to the friend of that girl about it.
she said that the girl noticed I liked her and that I didnt liked it that she was dancing etc and kissing that guy, and that she felt sorry for me. ( sure.... )

the friend of the girl is going to ask how she thinks about me (read:if i have the slightest chance) and maybe we're going on a double date to the cinema. (unless she says.. what an ugly nerd)


I dont have the slightest idea what to ask\tell her.
I really need some advice, about all this


I dont know what i'm doing wrong, altho a friend of me said "act normal then maybe you'll get a girl... that was after a snow fight with some girls.. not sure what he meant)

some pictures so u can imagine this a bit:

me -> http://pix2.hotornot.com/pics/HQ/KS/...KSHQRLYNFC.JPG
left: me , right , the certain girl . http://www.belgianparties.be/upload/...0031024/33.jpg
middle: the boy who kissed her : http://www.belgianparties.be/upload/...031024/112.jpg
on the left: the boy who kissed her. http://www.belgianparties.be/upload/...0031024/84.jpg

About this i also need your opinion , would you rate me as a "not-so-good-looking" guy, an ok guy, an average guy, an average-goodlookin guy, a goodlookin guy ?


I hope at least someone takes the time to read my story and replies
I especially need advice on how i should further act , do i have the slightest chance, if a girl just looks away when ur dancing at her, does this mean she's not interested, some things i could ask girls (i have this problem in general!) to start a conversation of some sort
Thanks in advance.

[SoleMate]

About this i also need your opinion , would you rate me as a "not-so-good-looking" guy, an ok guy, an average guy, an average-goodlookin guy, a goodlookin guy ?

You look fine. I would call you "nerdy cute" with a very nice smile. (Do try to smile; your HoN photo does not show you at your best.) Your looks will not be a barrier to your forming a relationship with a girl. You seem sincere and intelligent, so you should be looking for girls who appreciate that.

I especially need advice on how i should further act , do i have the slightest chance, if a girl just looks away when ur dancing at her, does this mean she's not interested, some things i could ask girls (i have this problem in general!) to start a conversation of some sort

It's easiest to talk to girls in a low key setting - school, club, movies with friends, etc. You start the conversation on a topic that is obvious - be it the weather, exams, club activities, traffic, a book she is reading, etc. DO NOT make any personal remarks, including compliments, or smart cracks. Approaching girls you've never spoken to for a slow dance is only for players and guys who are "fast". Talk to her first. Have your friend who introduced you do something further to bring the two of you together.

As far as advice; how about ending the MSN dialogue with the crude moron you quoted? He is a real jerk, as you well know. He only did one thing right, which is that he showed the girl his (insincere) interest. Players like him have an easier time in approaching girls because they fundamentally don't care about the girl's opinion. However, you can develop some resilience that will make you feel more comfortable approaching girls.

Have you read the many Loveshack threads on this topic?

Good luck!

[Tkay]

Hi SoleMate
Thanks for the reply
I just changed my look, I'll upload a new pic soon (no more glasses! )

It's easiest to talk to girls in a low key setting - school, club, movies with friends, etc. You start the conversation on a topic that is obvious - be it the weather, exams, club activities, traffic, a book she is reading, etc. DO NOT make any personal remarks, including compliments, or smart cracks. Approaching girls you've never spoken to for a slow dance is only for players and guys who are "fast". Talk to her first. Have your friend who introduced you do something further to bring the two of you together.

This friend almost arranged to go on a double date to the cinema, but she couldnt go (I'm not sure i have to be sad or have to be happy, since i was totally freaking out about it .. like "omg what am i going to say" etc)

[SoleMate]

You should definitely go for the movie double date. As to what to say, I'm sure you've heard the advice, "Just be yourself." What people should say is, "Stop thinking about yourself at ALL...think about external topics, like the movie and other people. Make sure you are very considerate of all those around you (not just your group)." The reason is that focussing on yourself, and other people's opinions of you, will make you self-conscious, shy, and awkward, and that is not attractive.

For example: When on the double date, ask your friends what kinds of movies they like. Have they seen any by this director? Listen to their answers, and launch new conversational topics based on what they bring up. In fact, listen, listen, listen. Good listeners are HARD to find and worth their weight in gold.

Good luck!

[Tkay]

Originally posted by SoleMate
You should definitely go for the movie double date. As to what to say, I'm sure you've heard the advice, "Just be yourself." What people should say is, "Stop thinking about yourself at ALL...think about external topics, like the movie and other people. Make sure you are very considerate of all those around you (not just your group)." The reason is that focussing on yourself, and other people's opinions of you, will make you self-conscious, shy, and awkward, and that is not attractive.

For example: When on the double date, ask your friends what kinds of movies they like. Have they seen any by this director? Listen to their answers, and launch new conversational topics based on what they bring up. In fact, listen, listen, listen. Good listeners are HARD to find and worth their weight in gold.

Good luck!

Hmmm , I think I can do that