[Mathias93]

Well, quite a bit has happened since my last posts (See previous). My ex and I broke up on October 19th. She hung out with her ex boyfriend when she went out of town for Homecoming at her college. She stayed up all night talking with him, told him all of our problems and when we talked on the phone while she was driving home, told me she felt like she wanted to kiss him. I told her I wanted to end the relationship on the spot. By the time she got back, I had cooled down and told her I wanted to save the relationship and tried to see what it was I had done to contribute to this situation. She did not want to work things out.

When we broke up, she said that she wishes we had gotten engaged because we could have worked this out. I said that we did not need a ring to work this out and before there was ANY ring, this would have to be resolved. I moved out and was very strict about not calling her. My ex has been calling me roughly every three days since December 19th just having short conversations related to things about the apartment we once shared etc. I have not contacted her once directly since we broke up. I left a birthday card and one congrats card when she got into grad school, but outside of that no calls, nothing except a chance encounter on December 1st .

We talked twice just recently on Friday and again on Sunday for about 20-30 minutes. She brings up things about the relationship and like why didn’t I make my self-improvements while we were together? She called me on New Year’s Eve and we talked for 2 hours. She wanted to know if I would take her dog to the park for a walk if I was taking mine. She said that she still doubts in her heart of hearts that I have changed which is so incredibly hurtful to me. All of the therapy and medication to fight my ADD and depression, all of the work I am doing just seemed to be brushed aside. She said that she felt that “I just threw us away” and that I “put a positive spin on things” even though I am busting my butt and even though she is the one who refuses to go on a date with me or even give me an opportunity to compete.

She said that I am so smart and talented, but that her ex has no drama in his life and that he is just steady and consistent. OUCH!!! She said that she is dating him again but “not exclusively.” Her ex-boyfriend is in town because he is an assistant to the assistant football coach at a big university and there is a bowl game here today. She broke up with him 2 ½ years ago to be with me. They dated for around 5 years but she dated other people and severed all contact with him when we got serious. She really never cut all ties though because they spoke to each other on the phone off and on the entire time we dated and even when we lived together. Am I an idiot or what???

I am beginning to realize that she really never loved me and all of her talk about getting engaged was a bunch of crap. They spent New Year’s together. I went out with friends and came by her apartment to get the dog on the morning of New Year’s Day. As I was walking out I saw her, she obviously spent the night over at his hotel. THAT HURT!!!!. She came up and greeted her dog. I said Happy New year and hugged her. We have not seen each other since December 1st. It felt so great to have her in my arms, we held each other for a minute, I kissed her forehead and I left.

This has been the hardest time I have ever had with a breakup. I cried like a baby later that day. I get advice from a few friends, one guy and one girl. My guy pal tells me that there is no hope. She has made her decision. He thinks that this renewed contact is just to pacify me while her old boyfriend is in town and all of the gestures she is making is out of pity. . My girlfriend just tells me to back off even more and just get out there and date. She thinks I might be pleasantly surprised and pointed out that at least you have a line of communication open and to use it to my advantage. It seems that I have been demoted to dog walker! Please help me here!
Is there ANY hope or do I just drop it???

[Hopeovexperience]

You're not an idiot. But it seems there is no hope.

Its hard advice to take (and it's not sinking in with me right now after my break up) but it's true that you have to concentrate on YOU, do the things that make YOU happy and remember that other people come and go but YOU are the one constant in your life. It sounds like you are sorting yourself out. Keep at it.

I've been through a few horrible break ups and each time it's the same... in the immediate aftermath you don't think you'll ever get through but you do. BUT this only happens when you accept the situation and stop looking for someway back (never go backwards, you only get the pain twice over). I'm holding on to that thought now and much as I love my now ex, I'm letting go. I hope you can do the same.

[Vivid_29]

Drop it and let it go. There is no hope, dude.

She said that you need to be engaged to work things out? This is definately not love, but infatuation. People who are infatuated with each other feel that they need to get married, right away, to stay together. You get the picture...

She didn't demote you to 'dogwalker'. You've demoted yourself to to that status. Don't walk her dog! Let this bitch walk her own dog!

I know that you are hurting and that's OK. Let your emotions out, in private, but don't do it in front of her. Never let her know that you are hurting.

Take her advice; date other women, move on and forget her. There is someone out there for you that won't be tempted to kiss their ex, when he is back in town!

~V