This month has been the fourth month since my breakup.

At the beginning of december I finally felt i was over my ex. I felt indifferent towards him. No love or hate or anger or anything. Didn't bother me if he had someone or not.

This continued for quite a while until I met up with an old friend. She was close to me while I was with my ex and went through the relationship with me.

She now lives quite far and ever since we met up I have been going downhill all the way. It was a gradual thing, first a little sadness, and now I cry every day again.

I even imagine him with another woman and it hurts. I see people holding hands or whispering and I imagine him doing that with another woman and it hurts so much. I think, how could he...?

I feel pain, hurt, rejected, powerless and betrayed. I also feel like he is punishing me by never contacting me since the breakup. Its like he has all the power and all the answers.

I never knew the real reasons he broke up with me since he said he loved me so much afew days before the breakup. A week before the breakup he said he never loved anyone as much as he loved me before.

I feel confused and kept in the dark. I did try to get some answers but he wouldn't take my calls.

And now all these feelings have come flooding back.

I hate it so much

I hate the pain of it all. I hate not knowing. I hate being so helpless and powerless about it all. I hate that he wants a relationship with anybody else except me and that he is either with, or is looking for someone else. After all those promises and expressions of love.

I feel his way of handling and dealing with the relationship is immature. I most certainly do not want to be with anyone like that. I don't want him back.

But i do want him to make contact with me, to miss me, to tell me he really did love me or cared for me, and to tell me the reasons why he left after saying that he loved me so much. I look out the window for his car, I check my mail everyday, I wait for my phone to ring and nothing happens.

I don't understand why...why did he do this? why does he let me suffer like this. Does he think my heart is made of stone? That he didn't hurt me? Or is he loving hurting me? How can anyone do this to a person, just shut them out with no answers? No caring...

[moimeme]

That someone could be so heartless should be reason #1 that you are glad to be out of his life. Do you really think you deserve to be with someone that unkind? No, you do not.

It isn't uncommon to suffer the 'roller-coaster' effect when grieving; you'll start to feel good and then backslide into grief and misery. Either you eventually come out of it or else you slide into depression.

Before you head to the doctor's, try a few things. Distract yourself. Cease dwelling on this man. Let go of the need to know 'why'. The answer is 'he's a jerk'. Be satisfied with that. Make yourself a list of all the other awful things he did or said to you and read that daily. When you start thinking about what you miss about him, use the STOP method - basically yell 'STOP' at yourself (you don't have to do this aloud ) and then think about something else, go for a walk, watch a good show or movie - do ANYTHING that you can to distract yourself.

Spend time with friends and family, go explore new things, and be good to yourself. If none of this helps after another few weeks, you might need to go see your doctor to see if you are becoming depressed and get help.

Going through the very same thing. Just when you think you're feeling really okay about the breakup - you feel like you're slipping backwards... Having faith that YOU will get through it is the best medicine. Having faith in the other person - isn't. I am a very forgiving person - but I have realized that I can't hang on to what isn't there. He has said misses me too, and loves me - but it isn't enough for him to pick up the phone and dial. To want it bad enough to want to work it out. I said that I believed in him - and asked him to believe in me - and what did he say to me? You have to believe in yourself. Funny, that's what I have been doing all along. It makes me wonder if I haven't been in denial about the whole situation. Should I just give up all together? Every one tells me to stop making contact - but I feel like I'm missing something... I guess I am in denial.