I was off the boards, but I'm back. Wanted to post an update.
I saw the evil ex (aka cheating, lying scumbag bastard) with the new gf (the same one who was hiding in the bedroom) the other day.
I haven't seen or heard from him in a few months. I thought he'd at least call during the holidays or maybe to settle up old debts. He owes me quite a bit of money which he promised to pay, but hasn't thanks to coaching from the new gf and his equally scummy best friend.
The holidays have made me a bit melancholy and I thought that seeing him again would stir up old feelings. But guess what?!! There were no butterflies, no heart jumping into my throat. I just felt nothing.
I saw him but he didn't see me - I don't think he recognized me. I thought to myself oh there he is and then I just kept walking.
My heart is finally catching up to my brain. Now, when I think of him, I know and feel that cheating, lying scumbag bastard = waste of skin who is not good enough for me or worthy of me.
Thanks to all my friends here at LS who listened to me and took the time out to help me. You know who you are.
Great to hear that you both are in the last stage of 'moving on' Onward and upward!
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I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
Life has been pretty amazing without evil scumbag ex. I honestly never thought the day would come when I'd be able to say that and mean it.
But here I am making plans to study hard and to spend my summer in Greece, Egypt, Africa and Morocco. I would never have been able to do this with him in tow. He never really had a desire to see the world nor did he express a curiousity about other people or other cultures. As he was so fond of saying, Europeans are just Americans with accents. What a dolt!!
What did I ever see in him? I must say, love must really blind a person. He is not the handsome, witty and charming man I believed him to be. Just an ordinary man (and I'm being very kind and extremely generous when I say man), striving hard to be average, striving even harder to live an average life. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But that isn't enough for me.
A house would be great, but what I want is a home. An SUV would be a nice car, but it doesn't feed my soul nor does it satisfy my curiousity. I don't want what everyone else has. I want a life truly my own, not one dictated by the masses. He despised me for being different. Now, I see that being different is what makes me - well, me.
He despised me for being unlike himself. I feel sorry for him.
What did I ever see in him? I must say, love must really blind a person. He is not the handsome, witty and charming man I believed him to be.
You sound like one of my dear friends. She'd invited me to meet her 'brilliant, witty' bf. I found a rather childish, tiresome person - not at all the charmer she'd raved about. Once the oxytocin wore off, she was actually embarrassed that she'd been so besotted with him. Don't beat yourself up over the fact that you could fall so hard for someone so inappropriate - it's how we're built. Just remember, next time, that we can all fall into that trap real easily if we're not careful.
Sounds like you now have the physical addiction out of your system - ain't it great!
spend my summer in Greece, Egypt, Africa and Morocco.
I am also very happy for you. Reading through your posts, I can see how this man (child more like it) has torn your heart apart... and now, it is finally mended. I can't yet imagine what it would be like to see my ex without feeling any emotion. We broke up over 4 months ago and I have only seen him once in the past two months. When he spotted me (I was driving), him and his mate ran away down the street, perhaps he really thinks I'm some sort of psycho!!!! Quite sad really.
But yes, you are so right when you say that love is blinding. It is amazing how the eyes gradually clear over and you are able to see things in perspective once again, as a capable, happy individual.
Of course I still miss my ex dearly, but the portion of my day spent thinking about him decreases each and every day... it was our supposed "anniversary" the other day and I didn't even remember until late that night (usually I would remember first thing). I was very happy with myself.
I believe that you have reached the final stage of the "break up." Although perhaps there is a sad, somewhat sentimental feeling to letting go completely, a congratulations is in order. Well done. You are a classic example that life does go on after a break up.
For those, like myself, who can perhaps glimpse the finish line but have not yet reached it, keep this quote at the back of your mind today.
"Everything is OK in the end. If it's not OK then it's not the end."
I am feeling very happy for those to have walked out of the darkness and lead new life.
I wish that I could be you......
I am still trying to do it......making myself to walk out too.
I am also confused on whether do I still love him. He is the one who betrayed me and he is very urged to sign off the marriage.
What's the actual feelings like when I do not love him? I am all confused after the betrayal.
Someone mentioned about remembering dates......I still do....
nobandaid - Thank you for your warm wishes for me. I hope that soon you too will be able to reach that seemingly elusive finish line.
To will_woman - I know your story and like so many others here, I feel your pain. I know what it's like to want so badly for your heart to die just so the pain will go away. I know too the feeling of just wanting to die...and trying to die - to erase the hurt, the pain, the memories, the illusions, the betrayal, the lies.
It is so very difficult to believe that the very people we love and who we give our hearts to could be so cruel and selfish. Harder still to accept that we could be so easily replaced - our feelings dismissed, our love tossed aside like yesterday's newspaper.
It isn't easy to stop loving someone or to stop seeing them in good light, but time changes things. Eventually it becomes less about them and more about choosing what's best for you and/or your sanity.
My prayers are with you.
Please feel free to pm me.
Last edited by Iamhappy; 11th January 2004 at 10:38 PM..
Iamnotnothing- Hi, just wanted to say I admire your attitude and state of mind. Your like, hell with this, Im going to Africa, then Egypt, then Greece, and the Moon, and........ SIgh, I wish I could just be like that. To many things holding me down I guess, job and what not. I think its funny how when you go through a bad break up some good does come from it sometimes. I mean, during this time you are sometimes filled with a energy that drives you to make change. Atleast I am this way. I find a place of inspiration, I guess this is my way of dealing. take care
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I saw the evil ex - I felt nothing!!!!
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