[mjk]

Alright...I've read alot of your replies and I thought I'd put my prob out on the table. I'll try to keep it short!

Situation: My ex of 5 yrs. (3 living together-2 married) and I split up April of this year. She had a "thing" with a good friend of mine in March that led to Divorce. That hurt, and yeah, I felt betrayed by the both of them. Now I know "he" could have been anybody at all. I'm sure and I know that all the usual stuff was happening, ie: lack of attention to her, I'm real busy at work, not going out on "dates" etc. Its not that I took her for granted, just that I've learned that some guys (okay, me) sometimes slow down way too much in these areas! Luckily, we didn't have the "drug or alcohol" problems between us. Of course...lots of things were happening at the same time, adopting our daughter in Feb of this year, moving into a new house in Dec of last year, and so on. By the time she sat me down for the "honey I need this from you" talk in March, a week or so before the big "D", it was already over for her. Then a week or so later I discover the "thing" w/my former "good friend", and I filed for the divorce. Of course I was pissed, and I filed for the divorce in April.

Since then, and up until a couple months ago, and because of our daughter, ex and I did have continued contact. 2 months after the big "D". I met someone, got caught up in it, new girl moved in w/me and from June till Oct. I was in a diiferent (re-bound?) relationship. That relationship has no more chance and it is over. All the while I let ex know I still loved her and the "pain" of what happened between us became forgiven.

Okay, current situation. Since October, Ex and I have good contact together, do things with daughter occasionally, meet with her friend and her etc. Of course, until I got the reality to not "bog" her down w/the idea of getting back together, I recently wrote her the "letter" told her I loved her etc. After reading this forum and a couple good books I realized that I shouldn't "bug" on her about us. She has even said, calm down etc. When we talked about "us" she gave me the "friends w/o benefits" speech. (I'm not making fun of that). Last thing. We have an age difference between us of 18 years. Honestly, that NEVER was a prob for her, her friends, families etc. We met innocently enough at a coffee shop.

So......what do you all suggest? Move on?, keep up hope?, keep my distance while being "friends?", It's just that I do care for her and its hard to "throw in the towel".

It seems a little painful to me for the "friends" thing. I'm not jealous of her being w/someone else or anything. I just kinda want to be closer to her than she does to me, see if we could be a couple again...slowly. Not jump right back into "it". Just go a little closer than we are now. For her that door seems closed.Obviously, since we get along, I don't want to mess up our "platonic" relationship.

Let me know...I'd appreciate the input!!!

[Tony T]

Except as contact may related to your child, cease all contact whatsoever. There is nothing to be gained at all by remaining friends. She really doesn't want to be your friend now or she wouldn't have cheated on you. People give out this "let's be friends" crap to ease their guilt but they don't mean it. Actually, a friendship with you will make problems for her with other relationships. But forget her, a friendship with her will do your life no good. Get on with your life, share in the raising of the child where appropriate, and find someone right for you.

There's a Catholic monsignor who lives in my town who is often quoted: "Many a younger woman will stay with their older partner for a time but rarely are they around long enough to bury them."

Go pick on somebody closer to your own age unless you are prepared to go through this type of heartbreak again. Nice, hardbodies are a real pleasure but they come at a high price, both emotionally and financially. Eventually they see the problems with aging and in the end, you're all alone. Love can be a real bitch!

[mjk]

Hey Tony,
Thanks for the input. I've spent many hours on LoveShack before I hooked-up to tell my own story, reading your replies and many others. Yeah...I'm sure your advice is solid and seems like the best path to take. I appreciate you giving the advice!