[amerikajin]

It would be nice if would could always wrap up a relationship the way we could a package, all nice and neat. The reality is, it rarely ever works that way. In his mind, there's already closure. You're the one who has to have closure.

You don't have to have final words with him to have closure. Just move on. He's already made a decision to move on with his life. You should do the same.

Easier said than done, I know.

[Prettyangel]

Greentea......I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this. I know your pain to well because I used to do the same.

Now I like to tell you this much.......LET GO AND LET GOD! The more you run after him, the more you want to manipulate to see him , be with him, beg him , the more he will run.

Letting go is the hardest thing anyone will do. It is not something that we naturally know of but we have to learn it.

There are wonderful books out that you can get and you can learn from.

Let's look at your behavior for a moment. Why is it that you have given this guy so much power over you? What is going on with YOU? Forget about him for now all together ok.

Do you love yourself? I mean really love yourself? If you did you would not spend one second living in such pain.

Have you ever heard of Codependency? We all are that in some small ways, healthy ways, however when someone behaves the way you do there is alarm that maybe you are in trouble.

All the words, all the advice here won't do you any good. I know you may not want to hear this but don't you think it is worse exploring?

Look at yourself. Find out who the inner child in you is and why she is so sad. Listen to the inner.........than work on YOU.

If this guy truly loves you, and you do your homework, meaning , working on YOU. He will be back. I promisse you that he won't be back if you continue the way you are doing.

Letting go doesen't mean you stop loving or caring for him. You are not his mother to remind him to take his medicen or to remind him of anything he is responsible for. Guys do not like that I promisse you! Guys are hunters! and if you hunt them, the interest is gone.

I know you are hurting however take that hurt and turn it around to your advantage. What do you have to loose?

You have to be completely in love with you, live your life and be super happy, have a HP in your life and live carefree and healthy. Build up your selfesteem and you be surprised what happens in your life.

You have a lot of work to do. I do not know how old you are but no matter what age, we all go through the same things when it comes to love.

[greentea]

Prettyangel: I would like to thank you for your time and for the advice you just posted. I am 26 years old and it was my first relationship so I really had no idea how to cope with heartaches. It was difficult for me to accept that my ex who I thought was a perfect gentleman did all those things to me without considering how I would feel. He was so ungrateful of my love and of all my care. You are right. I should do some soul searching and focus on loving myself now. Thank you so much for letting me realize a lot of things.

Update: Up to this time, I have not received a word from him. My friends would tell me to just let go and move on. They told me that one day he will come back for the "unfinished business." But you know what, I have already decided to let go of him and move on cos even if he comes back, I don't trust him anymore so there is no point in getting back together.

They say, experience is the best teacher. That is right. From the very start, a lot of people have been advising me to stop contacting him to save myself some dignity. But because I really loved him and would do anything to get him back, I did not listen (or if I did, it was too difficult for me so even if i tried soooo hard, I failed a lot of times with the No Contacting rule).

From that relationship, I learned a lot of things. I learned most of the things I know now the hard way. There is joy and there is pain in loving. I learned to accept the verdict of reality - that i should not be bitter or feel sorry for myself for I will be better off giving that love to someone more deserving.

I hope I'll be able to get up and move on from the deep pit where I am now.

green tea, i think you already have. You should be proud of yourself for getting through one of the most difficult tests in life and love. Your maturity and wisdom has increased soo much since your first post. you are going to be just fine. God will reward you with a wonderful man who deserves you.
Keep thinking positive, and focus on loving you. God bless you.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

I am 26 years old and it was my first relationship so I really had no idea how to cope with heartaches

well from my experience of 3 relationships nothing can prepare you for a heartbreak, in my experience they have actually got worse, i actually can't believe how messed up i am because of this latest one

you can't really learn to cope at all, it is horrible, i am in complete shock as to how bad it has lately affected me

[snilljente]

So many of us are dealing with the same thing....I consider myself to be a strong, independent, professional woman, but a guy who I was dating and seemed incredibly special has just blown me off....I am now a blubbering fool, sending him messages all of the time, practically begging him to contact me.....I struggle with waiting to see if he comes back (granted I am actually able to stop messaging him all of the time and give him space) and the anger that I feel that he has "risked" losing what we had...I mean, can someone REALLY love you, if they were willing to lose you by suddenly blowing you off for a period of time...or am I just unrealistic to think that a guy would never do that.....he told me that he needs space and that it's not me...but isn't ignoring my messages just plain cruel?