Plz, analyze this.....

Sunshin · 17th December 2003, 4:23 PM

Hi everyone,

Please give me your opinion on this lettter, which will help me out of the sadness in my life live right...... :'(

"I am sorry for being silent this week. Sometimes I just have to be alone, to think things over. There are a lot of things that are worrying me these days. I think I needed to be quiet and thoughtful.

You are right, I do care about you very much. But, I think a relationship is not like a light bulb; it can't be turned on and off too many times. It is more like a fire, that might start up once or twice after you put it out. But, there is no guarantee that the fire will start again.

For the short time we were together, we went through a lot. We had many good times, and some rough times. I thought that a few times we were broken up. When I was out of town, I thought for sure that we would not get back together. When I came back, it surprised me that you wanted to see me. I thought it would be better to take it slowly; because it is very difficult to start things back up, once I think it is over. I didn't mean to seem cold and distant, I was just going slowly.

I am not upset at you or mad. There is no reason for me to be mad at you. If you followed what you thought was right, that is the best you could do. It is the best anyone can do. And, I am not jumping to dating someone else. I am still sad about us.

I am sorry if I have been difficult to understand. If it makes you feel better, I usually don't even understand myself. Like Pascal said, "The heart has it's reasons, that reason knows nothing of". I think both of us have much to learn from our hearts. To tell the truth, I have no idea what's in the future.

Well, I was a little sick today; so I am going to bed early. Take care of yourself."

What does the letter say in general -his feelings, thoughts, and what does he want now????

Please help me out. Thanks.

Darkangelism · 17th December 2003, 4:50 PM

I think he wants to take it slowly, real slowly, to see if the feelings are still there.

Sunshin · 17th December 2003, 5:08 PM

....does it mean that he mgiht not care for me anymore!? :'(

DonTomaso · 17th December 2003, 5:23 PM

I htink it means he cares about you a lot, but is has been hurt a bunch of times and wants to take things very slow as not to get hurt again.

Sunshin · 18th December 2003, 1:15 PM

......I had replied to his email (the above letter), but he hasn't reply me back for a week now........I know where you guys coming from with your responses, though do you think I should call him to show my caring for him, or should I completely leave him alone and let everything up to him?

......

DonTomaso · 18th December 2003, 1:20 PM

I think you should not call him. He already knows that you care, so I would just let him figure things out for a while. I know it's hard not to contact him, but it is for the best. Contacting him will just push him away.

18th December 2003, 1:34 PM

'...But, I think a relationship is not like a light bulb; it can't be turned on and off too many times. It is more like a fire, that might start up once or twice after you put it out. But, there is no guarantee that the fire will start again.'

Sorry, but I think he is trying to prepare you that he will probably stop pursuing the relationship, and that this time-out has given him the chance to realize this.

He has handled it beautifully, in this you are lucky. Most men just break up with you out of the blue and with no explanation or just lead you on.

'...For the short time we were together, we went through a lot. We had many good times, and some rough times. I thought that a few times we were broken up.

He seems to be preparing you that he cannot take being in a relationship that has/had so many problems in such a short time.

'...I thought it would be better to take it slowly; because it is very difficult to start things back up, once I think it is over.'

Here he is telling you about his personality. He finds it hard to go back to a relationship he believed was over.

'...And, I am not jumping to dating someone else. I am still sad about us.'

Here he is telling you he is not looking for someone else already-yet. He obviously cared about you and needs to heal but it also implies he will start looking for someone else once his grieving is over.

It's not what you want to hear I know...but prepare yourself that he is trying to leave the relationship but doesn't want to hurt you in the process.

Errol · 18th December 2003, 2:15 PM

It sounds like closure to me. Not mad, not dating yet, be happy, BYE.

DonTomaso · 18th December 2003, 2:30 PM

Your ex wrote - " If you followed what you thought was right, that is the best you could do. It is the best anyone can do. "

Maybe you didn't totally give your heart to the relationship and he felt that.. now he just needs to move on and find someone who will give her heart to him totally... just a thought. I wish you the best.

Sunshin · 18th December 2003, 3:12 PM

Sowwy,

I'm sad & feel the pain but at the same time I feel relieve by reading your response. Because I understand more the words of his (abt his feelings, thoughts and what he wants), and I feel less guilty.

Errol,

"It sounds like closure to me. Not mad, not dating yet, be happy, BYE."

He wants me to end w/ him. He's not mad, not dating yet, and he wants me to move on and be happy, am I right!?

DonTomaso,

Thank you for all your responses!

Now guys,

Sorry, for being pain in the A*, but since I'm so impatient (an anxiety in me about all this) about hear that he wants to end our relationship, so I don't feel more guilty by screwing up our relationship. So should I let him know that I understand him and make 100% clear that it's over w/ us (or is it what he did in his letter!??)....or at least let him know that I understand him.

.....plz help...I cannt take the painful impatient/fire in me anymore...:'(

DonTomaso · 18th December 2003, 3:26 PM

I think that's what he did in his letter. You say you already resonded to his email once and he did not reply. What did you write in your first letter?

Sunshin · 18th December 2003, 4:03 PM

DonTomaso,

I just told him about my feelings and what we had been through. To be honest, I thought that he still want to work on w/ our relationship

And I also naviely asked him, that does he still care for me.

I'm honest & serious aout my words:

Should I let him know that I understand him now, and say good bye to him???

DonTomaso · 18th December 2003, 4:10 PM

I think it would be okay to say good bye to him, but don't expect him to come back to you nor should you expect him to write back to you. A also would not tell him you love him or anything like that.

I htink a nice letter just telling him you understand and agree is a good thing, but I would like to hear some other people's opinions as well.

Smile!!! You'll be okay.

Sunshin · 18th December 2003, 4:15 PM

It will be my last movement about our relationship........I just want to do the right thing.....tell me guys......I need your help sooooo badly.........:'(

.....I feel so weak & helpless right now....

DonTomaso · 18th December 2003, 4:31 PM

Ahhh... I hate that you are like this. I wish I could tell you what to do. Just cry if you have to. Whatever you do, don't write him a love letter. Please don't~