[pinkroses]

I'm a bit mystified by something, hopefully someone out there can relate. My bf seems to attract women right and left, and I'm not sure how he does it. It has to be his personality because although he's nice looking, he's on the heavy side and he's not the kind of guy women would typcially stop and stare at. He does have a very outgoing and sociable and often flirty personality, I'm thinking that must be it. However he's a monogomous type person, he tends to have long term relationships with one person and doesn't date around. He's in his 30's now, and wasn't even into variety as a teenager. I've been with him six months now and there's never been any hint of him being with or wanting to be with someone else. We are in touch often enough, and he is so open and verbal with me about everything in his life, that I think I would know if things were otherwise. When I call he always tells me where he is, who he's with, etc. Even before we got together and were still just friends and he was available, he was turning women down. We have a mutual friend too, and no stories have crossed.

So all that to say, I know he isn't encouraging women, unless he is doing so without trying. He's had two women at work come on to him and he's not been interested and turned them down, and he has an ex girlfriend of 3 years that has had trouble letting go. Even his ex-wife sometimes asks him to go places with her and their son, as friends. He turns her down too. Just recently an old college friend called him out of the blue, after 10 years of no contact at all, and the mutual friend of ours, whom he confided in, says that he said the woman was wanting to meet with him alone and was coming on to him over the phone. He's uncomfortable with this and isn't sure whether to meet with her and her family or not. I find this really hard to believe, after all those years, that a woman who is married with 3 kids would decide to call up an old college friend from 10 years ago for a liason. Could he be interpreting her intentions wrong? I don't like the feeling of being with someone so many other people want all the time. No one from my past ever contacts me, all of my past lovers are long gone. It seems my bf is still in touch with everyone he's ever met, as far back as childhood. And even though he avoids compromising situations with others, I wonder what it is about him or what he does that encourages such interest??

[moimeme]

It sounds as though he's a nice enough guy that his relationships don't end badly and people remember him fondly. This is not a bad thing. There's no point in making enemies in one's life if one can help it. To me, it is a very postive sign that a man can make and keep friends for years and years. It says a lot about his loyalty and ability to sustain relationships over time.

I don't like the feeling of being with someone so many other people want all the time.

Is this because you're afraid that he will want one of them back someday? My former father-in-law is a man like yours - had, and still has, friends going all the way back to childhood. I think that's a wonderful trait in a man!!!

[yes]

I can see how it'd be difficult to be a with a "everybody loves X" kinda guy. But it's kinda cool, too - "everybody loves X, and X loved YOU!". Have you ever asked him why he thinks all these women come on to him? Perhaps it's just his personality, but perhaps he's (unknowingly?) sends out attracting signals...

good luck,
-yes