[Ally Boo]

Ok...this is like the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me. And I'm so confused, I need some feedback.

I work at a Night Club. We have 3 main rooms, and I'm in the Karoke room. Last night, I saw my ex husband for the first time in at least a year. I see his little brother at the club all the time, so, obviously they know I work there. I've known my ex was getting remarried, even met his fiance once last year. I'm happy for them, happy he moved on. However, I was a little weirded out, considering that our would be 4th anniversary was Thursday.

My ex husband came in my room, I saw him immediately, he talked to our bartender, who went to high school with us both, and he informed her why he was there. So, I knew the bachelorette with the veil I had been seeing was her. I had no problems, until the song before the last song of the night, she walked in, ready for us to do the skit we always do for Bachelorettes. Well, I let all of my co-workers know who she was, and told them I was leaving so they could have their fun.

Everything went normal, we closed the bar, and I came back in the room. Well, they hadn't left just yet. And my fiance was at the bar talking to the bartender, who was upset about something, I go to the bar to find out what was wrong...and then my ex walks up to my fiance and me, pushes us, and gets in my face saying "What the F*** was up with that 'LEFTOVERS' comment?" I was confused, asked him what he was talking about, and he said "What you said over the mic!" I was like, "I wasn't even in here, what are you talking about?" That's when his fiance came up to me and said, "No, you got the GUY to say it!" I said, "Say WHAT?!?!" Then it just became drama, someone pulled my fiance away, bc he was getting upset, the bartender was yelling at my ex for bringing up personal stuff in our place of employment, and in the middle of the yelling, I start walking away to get a manager. As I was walking, I said "Ya know, I"m really sorry you think I"m that low of a person, but I dont know what you're talking about, and I can't help you." And that's when he said "No, I know what you are, you're a F***ING WHORE!!!" I got a manager, they started to leave, but his fiance was kind enough to try to hand me her beer bottle and said "Here, would you HOLD this for me?" At that point, all I could think about was breaking it over her head if she didn't lose her attitude, and I just looked up at her like umm nope. The guy who said the "leftovers" thing, took it, and they went towards the front door.

Well, I talked to the guy who sang the song. He said something about leftovers, but it was actually a joke on himself, and had nothing to do with me or them. But they took offense. I dont understand this. I mean, why would a couple come to a place where they KNOW an ex is, on PURPOSE? Aren't they supposed to be celebrating the future and not the past? I mean, I'm really happy for them, and I was trying to do the right thing. And my feelings are seriously hurt by this. I want to be friends, or at least civil with them. I mean, they still have a lot of my things, that I've just let go, bc they are so difficult, and I figure that if material things are THAT important to them, let them have it, bc I know what's important in life.

I had everything and left everything I could ever want, when I left him, bc it was an abusive relationship, and I didn't love him anymore.

I dunno, I'm just still upset about it, and it's keeping me from being able to sleep. I guess bc of bad memories from the marriage. Anyway, can I get some input PLEASE???!?!?!

[lostforwords]

Oh how tactful did they look?.. sounds to me they were made for eachother.... and your right..... knowing you worked there should have clued them into taking the party elsewhere.... to me it was a clear indication of them trying to rub it in your face..... and i would actually RELISH in it if i were you...... how often does that happen where without intentions of it; that they mistook a joke that was not made deliberately towards them.... however gave them the feeling that it was..... specially for coming to your place of employment.... id say harbouring bad feelings because perhaps the leftover thing rang true perhaps?..... just be careful of them that there will be no further reprocussions from it and sleep at night knowing that you had no part of hurting them...... but laugh a little too cuz apparently the leftover thing hit home.... lol

[moimeme]

I think they chose that place deliberately to bother you and were ready for some sort of retaliation. When they thought they had what they were looking for, they took it out on you.

Abusive people often have problems with perception of others' words and expressions. It is unsurprising that they would misunderstand what went on and become hostile; I'm sure that won't have been the first time that happened. Don't look for the 'whys' of it; this isn't about rational thinking but about disordered behaviour.

It is good of you to want to be friends, but it seems they both have some pretty deep issues so it might be worth your while to avoid them and put them behind you.

[quankanne]

it's good to see you here again, Ally-boo, but not under these circumstances, if you know what I mean.

here's my take on it: your ex is a jerk, and obviously came in looking for a fight. You did the smart thing by recusing yourself before his/his fiance's celebration got going, and are not responsible for whatever the big jerk thought he heard in his head. He didn't have to be there, nor did she, and it sounds to me like they did so anyway, knowing there was a conflict of interest because you worked there. Now maybe the girl is decent, and you don't harbor any ill will toward her, but she is associated with your former *sshole ... uh, ex-husband, so that's enough of a red flag for you to maybe proceed with caution.

you didn't do anything wrong, Ally, so don't let your conscience keep you awake anymore. He's the *sshole, not you.

[midori]

Wow Allyboo, I'm so sorry. What ugliness.

I can understand why you'd want to maintain at least the facade of a civil relationship with them. But I think you've seen that there are just way too many issues in their relationship, and doubtless within each of them, to make any kind of meaningful friendship possible, or even desirable.

I agree with those who believe that the choice to come to your workplace for their celebration was deliberate. That in and of itself suggests a weird mindset regarding you on their part, that can't be attributed to alcohol, heat of the moment, or misinterpretation of someone else's words. I think this ought to stand as a warning to you that the less you have to do with them, the better. Even if an interaction with them starts off innocently enough, you may find that there's a nasty sting in store. Who needs that?

If you haven't already, I would have a frank talk with your manager just so that everyone is clear about what happened that night. If they ever come to your club again, it might be good to have a plan of action in which you avoid any and all interaction with them, not even being in the same room. It's in your best interests and your employer's to minimize the chances these whackos have for causing trouble. If your club's management is at all wise, I should think they would consider banning your ex and his fiancee, given the ruckus they created.

Thank goodness you're out of that relationship. I'm glad you've taken the attitude that your material possessions weren't worth sticking around with your abusive ex. If you're trying to be friendly with them in hopes of getting some of your things back, I hate to say it but I doubt it will work. If you want the stuff back you should probably take swift and direct action -- don't tip them off or they'll just destroy the stuff. These sound like mean people who don't know how to treat others with respect or courtesy.