Thank you for your compassion.
Cam, you said it was odd that my husband made a comment that he saw how compatible "Mike" and I were. (I'll call him "Mike" here, not his real name).
Well, it was such an off the wall comment -- while we were driving to dinner. And I only had only been recently feeling the connections we obviously had, so it was very shocking for my husband to make that comment. I was totally stunned to say the least. I couldnt think of anything to say that wouldn't come out sounding like a nervous lie. Think I just laughed and said "ha ha...real funny " and hoped that the seat would swallow me up.
But the realization that even my OWN husband could see Mike and I were perfect for each other, made things MUCH MUCH worse from that point forward.
And my husband isn't the only one who notices these things.
Mike is an accountant. My past career was banking.
Mike is obsessed with this hobby. I am obsessed with this hobby.
Mike is a tight wad and rarely spends a cent. I am a tight wad and only make purchases that are 100% necessary.
My husband is impulsive and spends money like its going out of style and he has no interest at all in taking care of accounting or banking.
Because I am a journalist, I cover the same events (our hobby) that Mike attends. It never fails that even if there is a crowd of 100,000 people, that the two of us will bump into each other at least a dozen times during the weekend. Fate seems to have a hand in this.
I was doing an interview one time - the door swung open on the trailer we were standing next to - and Mike was standing there.
When Mike met my 7 year old son, they chatted for a minute and then he said:
"You need to marry my 7 year old daughter. She's sweet, smart and pretty....and on top of that she is RICH!"
My son just looked up at me and shrugged. Later said that conversation was really "weird". I tried to swallow the huge lump in my throat because I felt the deeper meaning was meant for me.
Another time, I was standing about 30 feet from my husband and Mike when I suddenly realize my husband is telling him that he just had a vasectomy. Mike says, "Oh no! Bad idea! You see, my wife LEFT me just after I had mine done!"
Then Mike turns to me and shouts "Veronica, if you leave him I will KILL YOU!"
I said "Don't worry. I have no plans to leave him".
A little background on my marriage: I met my husband only 3 weeks after having my fiance break up with me just moments after we had made love. He gave no reason for our breakup. I went into deep depression and stopped eating. Some friends who worried about my plight, set me up with my future husband. He was smotheringly sweet and romantic. He proposed three months later (after he told me "You better say yes, because I'm only going to ask once") and so I said "yes" and moved across the country to be with him. I left the old "me" completely behind.
It was only after I moved that I realized he wasn't who I pictured as my ideal soul mate. He had absolutely ZERO sence of humor and was overly dramatic. He doesn't follow any kind of current events, so conversation with him is painfully dull, unless the topic is about sports cars or boats. I have never heard him tell a joke.
The other night, watching "Forrest Gump", he said "Wow, I didn't know JFK's little brother was shot too!"
Sheesh. Even Forrest Gump knew that.
But I am being loved immensely, so I figure I really need to make this thing work.
I realize now how awful a mistake that was, but that's too bad. My husband, though he does special things like breakfast in bed and buying me special gifts for no reason, he has recently gone back to his old ways of playing head-games with me, is terribly lazy and selfish. I have the duty of taking care of EVERYTHING - house repairs, bills, insurance, taxes, kids, banking. He probably doesn't even know what company we are insured with. I do everthing.
If I mention I need him to help me, he becomes defensive and launches into head-games; Cold shoulder, sarcastic comments, retaliation etc. So immature. I hate it.
He has no interest in my career: I became a published author 4 years ago. In fact, I kind of see resentment from him since I started becoming successful and recognized. He used to be the family hero so I think his insecurities are taking over. Even his own family never make any mention of any of my work. They treat me as if I am still just a housewife.
Once I asked my husband if his mother even knew I was writing a monthly international column, and that I was disappointed that I never heard him ever talk to his relatives or friends about me and my new career. Within a few weeks I got a card from his mom saying "What a great article" and then commented about a totally different article in the same issue. I doubt that she even read it. I think my husband prompted her to "say something" to me, to make me feel better.
On the other hand, "Mike" sends emails contratulating me with "great story" whenever my articles appear. It feels so good to be acknowledged like that. I do the same for him when he is deserving of a pat on the back.
Another time I bumped into some fairly famous people who had known Mike a long time and so I introduced myself --- They gushed and hugged me and said "Oh Mike has said SO MANY great things about you and what a wonderful person you are!!!"
I was on cloud nine. I hadn't felt that good in years.
But I am 100% committed to keep my marriage together. I deeply believe that vows are sacred and only a mortal sinner would break them.
I now avoid Mike whenever possible. I miss our conversations terribly. He's in my head 24/7 - it's the only way I can make love with my husband.
But I surely don't want Mike to get the wrong idea that maybe I don't like him anymore! And that's what I am so afraid of. I've picked up the phone to call him at least a dozen times, but always hang up before I finish dialing.
I've made my bed, now I must sleep in it. Forever.
Linear Mode
