yzyzyz325 Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 (edited) My gf of 1 and half yrs broke up with me more than 2 months ago. She is a very emotional and moody person turning 21 this yr. Still quite young, isn't she? I think that's why she is so unstable and changing her mind all the time. I'm her first bf of everything. Bcoz it's her first and she is still young, she is quite selfish and green to a relationship. For example, she merely considered my feelings. We broke up one time b4 in summer holiday when she was really depressed and unhappy. She said she didn't feel i was the one, and she wanted to try different relationships (I'm her first bf). But on the second day, when she was not so depressed anymore, she decided to get back tgt because she realised she was still in love with me. After that little break, our relationship improved a lot. She even wrote me a letter on Valentine's day saying it's not bad to just have one relationship in her life with me. However, it didnt last for long. I went back to hometown for 4 wks holiday when her new semester began. She missed me crazily at the beginning, calling me and emailing me everyday. Just after I came back to Sydney, she was still crazy about me: She felt sorry that she didnt have time to buy b'day present for me because she was tooo busy. I told her that I didn't need any special gift as she was my biggest one. She then said she would definitely write me a letter as she always did before; she also said she would introduce me to one of her best friends in Gold Coast as she was coming back to Sydney for holiday this semester... (She made so many plans and promises for us, can't believe she broke up with me not even 1 month after she said those!!!) Things changed as she became more and more stressed and busy with uni study, especially after two boring dates we had (obviously she had high expections for the dates after long time apart, but we were both too tired to do anything special). We started to meet less and even call less, because she had no time to meet me, or mood to talk to me. I understood her pressure, but I was stressed from job hunting at the same time, and I really needed her support. So, I was eventually blew up, I complaint a bit when I called her one day, she then said she wanted to break up. She said during the time I was away, she already got used to the life without me, she didn't miss me that much anymore. She also said she knew that she could get passion back if she spends more time with me, but she didnt have time atm, and she didnt know if I was worth her contributing time to it since she was not even sure if she was still in love with me. I asked her out to talk abt this after 3 days to find out why she suddenly wanted to break up, but she answered she didn't know! So I just said she was just too busy and stressed atm, having no spare mind for a relationship. She then said yes. But she also added some irrational reasons, like she didn't like my part-time job as I always needed to work at weekends, and I was supposed to meet her parents long time ago and she would not break up with me this time if they all like me, etc. Very obvious, she didn't think it through (either too busy to think or just not willing to think abt it), she just made those up when i asked her. We actually had good time tgt that day, we talked a lot abt other things just like when we were still tgt, we even went to karaoke. We haven't met since then. I really love her, I am sure that she is the one for me as we are the same type of person with similar characters and personalities, having the same morals, values, ambitions in life and vision of things. All those things are very important to a relationship. I really want to get her back. But, the problem is she won't graduate until the end of next yr, and she will only be busier and busier for the next 3 semesters. I really appreciate it if you finish the whole story! Please tell me, what should I do to get her back??? NC? Low Contact? Edited July 11, 2011 by yzyzyz325
TheHurtProcess Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Your best bet is to give her some space. I would go NC altogether. I wouldn't expect it to make her want you back. But it will allow you to move on an heal. She may one day miss you and decide that she wants to give it another shot. On the other hand, she may not. Only time will tell. However, I would begin healing now. Because you never exactly know if or when she is going to come back. And if she does, it may not be for many months to even years down the road. Good luck my friend.
Author yzyzyz325 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 Your best bet is to give her some space. I would go NC altogether. I wouldn't expect it to make her want you back. But it will allow you to move on an heal. She may one day miss you and decide that she wants to give it another shot. On the other hand, she may not. Only time will tell. However, I would begin healing now. Because you never exactly know if or when she is going to come back. And if she does, it may not be for many months to even years down the road. Good luck my friend. thx a lot!!! so i just wait until she contacts me? another question, in ur point of view, what's wrong with her? she really doesnt have any feelings abt me anymore? wat made her suddenly call of? i just cant believe she changed sooooo much in less than one month
Chi townD Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Sorry dude! Just sometimes relationships run their course. I mean, she's probably having a case of the GIGS considering you're her first serious boyfriend ever and does infact want to have different experiences with different people. Sorry to be blunt. But, I would go NC. She needs to see what life will be like without you and you need to start healing. I would ignore her texts, e-mails and phone calls. De-friend her from Facebook and everything. She choose to have you out of her life and that what you should give her.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 thx a lot!!! so i just wait until she contacts me? another question, in ur point of view, what's wrong with her? she really doesnt have any feelings abt me anymore? wat made her suddenly call of? i just cant believe she changed sooooo much in less than one month She is playing the field, she probably met another guy. Her behavior is pretty typical of someone who found someone she thought was a better fit than you. No matter how little time they have, they always find time for someone they really like. She used the time excuse because she was too chicken to tell you the real reason she broke it of with you. She wont tell you that either until she sees you with someone new. So dont contact her, your best bet is to move on and forget about her. She wont want to get back with you, especially while you still want her. You have to show her that you dont need her anymore, and that you never needed her. thats how it works. if she calls you, act like youre too busy to talk until she mentions trying your relationship again. But dont count on that happening.
Author yzyzyz325 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Posted July 12, 2011 She is playing the field, she probably met another guy. Her behavior is pretty typical of someone who found someone she thought was a better fit than you. No matter how little time they have, they always find time for someone they really like. She used the time excuse because she was too chicken to tell you the real reason she broke it of with you. She wont tell you that either until she sees you with someone new. So dont contact her, your best bet is to move on and forget about her. She wont want to get back with you, especially while you still want her. You have to show her that you dont need her anymore, and that you never needed her. thats how it works. if she calls you, act like youre too busy to talk until she mentions trying your relationship again. But dont count on that happening. thx for ur advices. But I really doubt that she may like another guy, because she is a very moral person. and she is very busy and stressed, that is sth im really sure abt.
edu Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Moral Person? Wake Up Man... Morality Had long died...Believe me. The Best to do now is go NC. Just Go NC. Its very difficult. But it helps. Ignore her... If its meant to be yours, it will be yours....Just do it NC.NC NC
TheHurtProcess Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 thx for ur advices. But I really doubt that she may like another guy, because she is a very moral person. and she is very busy and stressed, that is sth im really sure abt. Let's just say that if she hasn't found someone new yet. That may be on her agenda. She may have other people that she is interested in and that may be a good part of the reason why she broke it off. Most of the time they tend to break it off because they feel that they have something to replace you with, whether that be the "party" lifestyle, another person, several people, friends, etc.
Author yzyzyz325 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Let's just say that if she hasn't found someone new yet. That may be on her agenda. She may have other people that she is interested in and that may be a good part of the reason why she broke it off. Most of the time they tend to break it off because they feel that they have something to replace you with, whether that be the "party" lifestyle, another person, several people, friends, etc. thank you dude, that makes more sense. So being too busy and stressed is not the main reason for her to break up, the main reason is she feels that she can find a better one, right?
TheHurtProcess Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 thank you dude, that makes more sense. So being too busy and stressed is not the main reason for her to break up, the main reason is she feels that she can find a better one, right? I can't answer that one for sure. However, as others have been pointing out, she is showing the classic signs that she just might ave met someone else or that she may have met a few other people she's interested in. She may also be very busy as you have pointed and any free time she has, she might just rather be spending it going out and enjoying herself (partying, out with friends, other people, etc) instead of letting a relationship tie her down. One thing I've learned and something I want to let you in on is, don't ever assume that you know someone entirely. You may feel that you know her rather well, but all of us once felt as if we knew our significant others and never thought that in a million years they could ever just up and leave and forget about us like they did. It makes you realize that you really don't know anyone, nor can you really trust anyone but yourself... Not even you best of friends at times. As I've read on these forums, many exes have left them for one of their friends... What kind of people are those? Trust me, go NC and heal!
leon88 Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Hi, I think your situation is very similar to mine. Personally, if you still desired to have her back. Maybe you can try to use some reverse pscyhology methods like let her cool down for a period of time. And called her up again to ask for a meet up to ask if she is alright. In most situation, this would work out. She would be glad to meet you.This would be your chance to express to her how much you have appreciated her and shors that you are still living happily even without her. The key here is not to show that you are desperate.
TheHurtProcess Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 Hi, I think your situation is very similar to mine. Personally, if you still desired to have her back. Maybe you can try to use some reverse pscyhology methods like let her cool down for a period of time. And called her up again to ask for a meet up to ask if she is alright. In most situation, this would work out. She would be glad to meet you.This would be your chance to express to her how much you have appreciated her and shors that you are still living happily even without her. The key here is not to show that you are desperate. Welcome to LS my friend. Check the forums out a bit... You'll see that usually this doesn't work out however. NC is best used to move on and heal. Second chances rarely happen and usually if they do, they don't work out as often as the online/ebook sales industry would like you to think.
Author yzyzyz325 Posted July 13, 2011 Author Posted July 13, 2011 Hi, I think your situation is very similar to mine. Personally, if you still desired to have her back. Maybe you can try to use some reverse pscyhology methods like let her cool down for a period of time. And called her up again to ask for a meet up to ask if she is alright. In most situation, this would work out. She would be glad to meet you.This would be your chance to express to her how much you have appreciated her and shors that you are still living happily even without her. The key here is not to show that you are desperate. hi, leon, thx for ur advice, and im sorry abt ur situation. i understand how confused and desperate ppl can be in this, and i hope u will be fine! btw, do u mind telling me ur story? how did u go through this?
leon88 Posted July 13, 2011 Posted July 13, 2011 (edited) It took place about 2 years ago. I was still young that time. She left me because she thinks that it is too stressful to be along with me. Just to give a bit about my background. I am a scholar from my country and was awarded to study in one of the most prestigious university in the world. And so i left for my study and back for every summer holiday. It was fine for the first year, however, things turn abit sour after that. She felt that she could not see me all the time and it is kind of pointless to continue with the relationship. I felt this isn't so and being desperate to show how much i am really to give my studies to come back for her. But this drove her further away from me. I read numerous post from various forums and friends. I decided to use reverse psychology method. I agree with the cool down period as she has proposed and called her after about 6 months later. I still have strong feelings for her at that time and i know she is the one for me so i just gave it a shot. I pretend that i am fine and talk to her just like a friend and asking how she is doing. What i did is to make it sound like a normal friend talk again. Well, it works, she is surprised that i talk to her and not angry with her because she initiated the break up. The following days i have more talk with her. She explained to me that she just feel insecured of having a long distance relationship despite it is just a short 3 years. But having the cool down really woke her up as she was attached with another guy during this period of time and realised that i am still the better one for her. She said she wanted to call me very much but couldn't get the courage to do so. And slowly our relationship becomes better. We have not really patch up yet but i know it will because i will be graduating this coming september. The moral of the story that i want to say is, it is not about whether my method is the best way to win back your ex or whether what works. But what you really want. If you like me want to win back your ex, then you have to be patience and may even have to see her to be with another guy. Trust me, if you are the kind of guy she wants, she will still come back to your side as she still finds you the best. But it is all about whether you want her back to your side again even she has dump or left you and be with another guy. Edited July 13, 2011 by leon88
Author yzyzyz325 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 ....She may also be very busy as you have pointed and any free time she has, she might just rather be spending it going out and enjoying herself (partying, out with friends, other people, etc) instead of letting a relationship tie her down.....QUOTE] This makes me c more clearly abt the situation. She studies nursing, one of the busiest major at uni. For example, there are only 4 wks for our winter holiday, and she has to do full-time placement in those 4 wks! Moreover, she is a perfectionist, always trying to do her best, which gives her even more stress. I understand ur points, no one can fully understand another one. But in this case, I am 120% sure that she is not interested in other guys. Of course i dont know if she will find anyone after few months, i think i would like to kill myself if she goes out with a new guy before she graduates, because that means she did not break up with me for being too busy. However, I actually dont think that will happen. There is more information abt her I would like to share with u: she is a japanese, like most japanese, she is quite polite and friendly outside, but deep inside, she is very protective and introverted. For example, she told me several times that she was a loner. I knew that, bcoz she merely open her heart to ppl, even to her 3 best friends, she also hardly tell them the things on her heart. And this time, when I told her that she needs to meet friends to ease her stress, she answered that she had her mom and exercise. She also never shows her true emotions towards other ppl. It's funny that I am almost the only one that she doesn't hide her emotions to besides her family. I think that's why she said she can just be herself in front of me, and feel secure and comfortable. Given all of those traits, it's quite hard and slow for her to find someone that she is willing to go out with. Thank you soooo much for your help and care!!!! I really really appreciate your advices!!!
Author yzyzyz325 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 So .. here is something that i think you need to realize.... she is 21 and still acts selfishly... and really thats a bad sign.. I have noticed that women in general tend to not mature more after the age of 20 .. on avereage.... so . if you see traits in her that are just .. ME ME ME..... and nothing that shows concerns for other around her.. you can surely expect her to be that same way for just about the rest of their lives... I dont know what it is... but... selfish women never change.... I can honestly say that about every woman i have met... My mom.. has been very selfish .. and from what my family has told me.. she never changed after 20 .... that doesnt mean she was a bad mother... but she made some decisions that are questionable ...... The same can be said about both my exes... One is very selfish.. and the other is very giving...... .. . both displayed those traits at age 20 .... ... and never changed... Sorry ladies... but i think you will find this to be true.... All though you learn more as you age... your personal traits never change....!!! l lol, to be honest, ur mon is quite similar to my mom. I dont know if we have the same concept of being selfish. To my mom, she is mostly giving person ,and only selfish in some aspects. What I'm trying to say is, she is a very stubborn, and never changes herself for other ppl. She only cares abt her emotions and her feelings, never cares abt other ppl's feelings, never put herself in other ppls' shoes. And my ex is similar to my mom. She is very giving when it comes to money and other stuffs, but she doesn't really consider my feelings. For example, before I went bk hometown, I tried to buy some souvenirs for my friends, so i just asked her to shop with me. She was very unhappy when we were in the souvenir shop. I asked her wat's wrong. and she said shopping for souvenir was the most boring thing in this world. So i just took her out, and shopped by myself next time.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I understand ur points, no one can fully understand another one. But in this case, I am 120% sure that she is not interested in other guys. Of course i dont know if she will find anyone after few months, i think i would like to kill myself if she goes out with a new guy before she graduates, because that means she did not break up with me for being too busy. Yeah but what YOU dont understand is, everyone that first comes to this board says the same thing you do. "Im 100% sure that they arent interested in anyone else." then 100% of the time, they come back a month or two later because they found out their girlfriend was with someone new the whole time, but didnt want to tell their ex because of guilt. Chew on that. You read around the board, you'll see alot of it. It sucks, but everyone doesnt see the full picture when they are first dumped.
Author yzyzyz325 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 So .. here is something that i think you need to realize.... she is 21 and still acts selfishly... and really thats a bad sign.. I have noticed that women in general tend to not mature more after the age of 20 .. on avereage.... so . if you see traits in her that are just .. ME ME ME..... and nothing that shows concerns for other around her.. you can surely expect her to be that same way for just about the rest of their lives... I dont know what it is... but... selfish women never change.... I can honestly say that about every woman i have met... My mom.. has been very selfish .. and from what my family has told me.. she never changed after 20 .... that doesnt mean she was a bad mother... but she made some decisions that are questionable ...... The same can be said about both my exes... One is very selfish.. and the other is very giving...... .. . both displayed those traits at age 20 .... ... and never changed... Sorry ladies... but i think you will find this to be true.... All though you learn more as you age... your personal traits never change....!!! l i actually dont know if she is too childish or wat. the only thing i know that she is very generous and giving to any friends, even someone she just met several times. I am the only one that she doesnt hide her emotions to besides her family. I dont know if i shud be happy with that or not.
leon88 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Hi brokenhartedkid1, I think it does not apply to all girls. Some are really mature at 21. To be frank, guys can be more childish in some ways at the age of 21.
Author yzyzyz325 Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 Hi brokenhartedkid1, I think it does not apply to all girls. Some are really mature at 21. To be frank, guys can be more childish in some ways at the age of 21. i actually agree with in this. female's mental age is usually 3 yrs older than male with the same age abt your story, im sooooo happy 4 u that u have the chance to get ur ex bk. and ur ex seems to be so nice. i really hope that i can be as lucky as u.
TheHurtProcess Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Yeah but what YOU dont understand is, everyone that first comes to this board says the same thing you do. "Im 100% sure that they arent interested in anyone else." then 100% of the time, they come back a month or two later because they found out their girlfriend was with someone new the whole time, but didnt want to tell their ex because of guilt. Chew on that. You read around the board, you'll see alot of it. It sucks, but everyone doesnt see the full picture when they are first dumped. This I definitely agree with. Well, I wouldn't say 100%. I'll give it more or less 80%. But, yes, this is usually the case. I told my ex that she'd better be damn sure that she's ready to move on if it is in face another male. Because I'm not to keen on chasing someone else's sloppy seconds.
Author yzyzyz325 Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 This I definitely agree with. Well, I wouldn't say 100%. I'll give it more or less 80%. But, yes, this is usually the case. I told my ex that she'd better be damn sure that she's ready to move on if it is in face another male. Because I'm not to keen on chasing someone else's sloppy seconds. omg!!! it makes me feel that women are evil!!! i cant really believe it!!! maybe most of them are just rebound relationships??? i read from somewhere saying that compared with men, women tend to have rebound relationships more.
TheHurtProcess Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 omg!!! it makes me feel that women are evil!!! i cant really believe it!!! maybe most of them are just rebound relationships??? i read from somewhere saying that compared with men, women tend to have rebound relationships more. I don't doubt it for one minute bud.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 omg!!! it makes me feel that women are evil!!! i cant really believe it!!! maybe most of them are just rebound relationships??? i read from somewhere saying that compared with men, women tend to have rebound relationships more. Be careful with that.... a rebound relationship is where someone that is completely heartbroken immediatly jumps into another relationship, that usually fails. In your case, your girl checked out of your relationship long ago, she wasnt heartbroken, so any relationship she jumps into will not be a rebound.
Author yzyzyz325 Posted November 5, 2011 Author Posted November 5, 2011 i dont know if she checked the relationship long ago. 3 wks ago she was still crazy abt me, 3 wks later, she didnt know if she still loved me. When time past by, it becomes clearer, she has been busy with study and doesnt see any new ppl. I think she was just too stressed with study
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