We have been going steady for 4 years. He is now assigned to a different place for work for approximately 2-3 months. Things have been fine so far, until recently. I have always believed I cannot carry on a long distance relationship but then since this is temporary, I thought we can handle it.
We had an argument one morning and it turned that he felt I was pressuring him about the relationship. I said I was sorry 3 days after but he stopped speaking to me since that morning when we had that argument. He would not return my call so I could only send him text messages to expresses what I feel. After 6 days, he send me a message saying "he needs time", and he also said " i will be the one to contact you when I am ready to talk. Right now, I am not. I need to think." and then I asked him if he still loves me because I really love him so much he said "i dont know"
I am confused and scared. Could it be that he said "I dont know" because he was angry? Did he mean it? Is it really possible for him to fall out of love immediately? Should I still expect he'd return?
In these kinds of situations, I think when someone says "I don't know" it means the bad answer, whether it's yes or no.
Like:
Do you love me? "I don't know." That means no.
Are we over? "I don't know." That means yes.
As I've recently found out, it's not so much that he's immediately fallen out of love, but it could've been a long process that you didn't even know was happening and it just SEEMED immediate.
I'm sorry about this, but it's probably over. I hope I'm wrong, though.
Perhaps maybe he just needs time to think like he said. It's hard as hell not to contact someone that you love but trust me - if you leave him alone to think and that's all he needs it will be worth it. Instead of contacting him do things for yourself. Try to give him some space. If you spend your time enjoying life then no matter if it's over or not it won't be time wasted.
If she's like me, she won't be able to think of anything else, regardless of what she's doing.
Some people out there can shut things out and force things to the back of their mind and focus on other stuff. I am not one of those people. Once something's on my mind, it's on my mind and it ain't going anywhere. Granted, it gets less and less as time goes on, but still.
I dunno. After my experience from the past few months, I have to say anyone who wants a break and wants you to stick around is selfish and ridiculous and should just break up with you. It'll hurt more at first but trust me, sticking around and waiting for three months, you'll wish it was over to begin with. Having hopes crushed constantly is a hell of a lot worse than having them crushed once and leaving it at that.
Have you thought of asking him how much space he needs.
If he seriously just needs time, he should be able to give you a time frame.
Can you agree to have no contact for two weeks, and then talk at that time?
If he won't compromise, he is not worth it...and he is stringing you along if he cannot tell you how much time he needs.
I have to say I agree with you a bit there. I gave my bf some space and he came back but it was agony during that time apart. He was totally being selfish but I forgive him. He's making up for it now though. I thought about him constantly - I picked up the phone to call and didn't - I wanted to drive by his house but didn't - I went through all the nutty crap. But he went through the same stuff. Almost calling, missing me - he just had all these fears that his single lifestyle was ending and he didn't know how to deal with it. Now he knows what he has and I'm adding to his life not taking away.
REally, why when you're in a break up period and you ask your lover if s/he still loves you they usually say "I don't know" ?!?!?! you do or you don't!!! wow, sometimes you see people who you loved to death for such a long period of time and everything you went through just flip and become totally different
If he tells you he doesn't know, tell him "well when you know, it ll be too late because I ll be far away". So he d better know right then.
We're not seeing each really coz he is far away and I have to stay here coz of work. So I guess what he is saying is, "he needs time."
[color=brown]Trying: [/color] I wish we could have a time frame. My problem is he won't even talk to me to set this up or whatever. But just thinking that "what if after the given time frame, nothing happened?"
[color=red]Zankon:[/color] It just hurt me big time to hear that "i dont know" from him. It hurts so much when you are in a relationship and gosh, you love him to death and he'd say "i dont know".
[color=green]Toots307: [/color] That is a happy ending story you have there. I hope it turns out the same to me. How long did it take before you started talking again? and what what his reasons for that "space and time". I'm kinda confuse... what does it really mean when someone asks for space and time and how does it differ with someone who is just needing time?
[color=blue]UCFKevin:[/color] I know I should just go on with my life and not think of him. I can't. Tried so many times, tried so many ways, but I failed. This is my real first heartbreak.
I really don't know what to do now. I came to a point where I had to beg for him (thru text message) to give our relationship another chance... but still he is acting like he doesn't care coz he's not replying.. all because he wants to be left alone to think!
I do agree with Kevin, it is very hard to stop thinking about someone when you have been in a relationship for a long time. But you have to remember that if you keep sending messages, calling, emailing, whatever he may take this the wrong way from you and you might be pushing him away from you even farther. Easier said than done of course, but give him his time. I hope that he is taking the time to grow up and into your relationship and you will have a positive outcome of this issue. But it does sound like to me that he is just distancing himself from the relationship and you. So maybe you need some you time. Get together with some girlfriends, and party, party, party!!! Go out and have a great time and forget about your troubles for a while. You never know, you may find Mr. Wonderful that lives closer to you.
Getting an "I don't know" from a guy always reminded me of the "We'll see" from my Dad. BOTH MEANT NO!
If you are in a situation where someone who previously admitted they love you and are now saying "I don't know".....what they are saying is.....I don't know how to get out of this without hurting your feelings. They TRY to bow out gracefully. LET THEM GO!!!
If you keep persuing an answer of your choosing.....you are only pushing them against a wall of saying something to you they didn't want to say. THEN....you will question how they can be so CRUEL. Take the hints....respect the circumstances.....and move on.
Losing someone you love is NEVER easy. Persuing them....only makes it harder.
Yeah. The whole going after them pushing them away thing is something you realize after the fact. I fought hard for my ex, and the fact that I did just made things worse, sometimes. I should've just backed off, but chances are she probably would've gotten interested in this other guy even if I WAS leaving her completely alone. It's a lose lose situation.
The second the other person begins to lose happiness and feelings in a relationship is when it should end completely. One-sided relationships don't work, and once they don't work, it's hard to get them to work again.
It would probably be hard as hell to get back together after this. The fear that something like this could happen again.
It's tough, kiddo, believe me, I of all people know, but you have to move on. Move to Orlando, I'll take you out.
For three weeks, I felt so alone. I couldnt resist the temptation of not sending him SMS, or attempt to call him. I feel that I have sacrificed my career (did not take a very promising career abroad just to be with him as I know I cannot handle LDR) and 4 years of my life just to make the relationship work - and now that its starting to crumble, I feel soooooo bad about everything. For the first time in my life, I feel very weak, totally helpless.
Yesterday, surprisingly, he replied to my SMS. I was telling him to just please answer whether he still wants to fix our relationship or does he want a breakup totally. He replied. He said "not now". So i confirmed by saying "do you mean you still want to fix the relationship however you're not ready yet now?", and he said "yes".
What is so difficult is... he might or might not be coming back anymore (he is away for work). He told me that he maybe going back here next year (January) because he is still waiting for the project to be awarded to him. I know that will mean more money for him, so maybe that is why he is holding on there. Thing is, I dont understand why he still wont keep the communication line open, but everytime I ask him if he wants a breakup, he is indirectly saying "no".
I am thinking, if he no longer has plans of coming back and is seeing someone there, he could have chosen to break up with me coz I was already giving him the option. Why is he still holding on?
What does this mean? Do you think he still loves me? I really love him so much, and just the thought of not ending up with him is just too much for me.
We talked via SMS for 1-1/2 hour today. Its because he doesnt want to talk on the phone. I told him that we need to talk to make things straight and then we can give each other the time and space needed so we can think about what we have talked about.
First, I asked him what the issues are. He said that we need to give each other time and space because everytime we have an argument and get back together at once, things are not changing. He meant, we'd still fight again. And it becomes like a ritual. So he wanted time and space for me to realize the mistakes and so we can change it.
What bothers me, is when I asked him if he still loves me he said "i dont know". He said he is not feeling the "flame". But he also said "we will get back together when it is the right time", and "to give each other time for now for in that way we can fix things nicely", and when I asked him if he thinks we can still fix our relationship, he said "maybe we can".
What do you think? Is there still hope? Do you think he still loves me but is trying to hide it?
When an individual says that they need time or they need to find themselves, that usually indicates that they want out. This man is leading on a string, so you might want to sever all ties with him and give him that space.
I know that curiosity kills. If you continue to talk to him, try not to ask questions like, 'do you still love me -- can we fix things'. This will probably annoy him and push him away even farther.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
