In Search Of...Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.
I have been trying to land myself a girlfriend through one of the dating websites. The first steps were great, like sending an email, then she responded, then we arranged to chat, then that went OK, then we arranged to meet at a Cafe, some of them worked out great.
But after that, that's where it all went wrong! With one girl I arranged to meet at the movies on that Thursday Night, but we had arranged to talk to each other over the phone to talk about what movie we were going to see. Then I sent her an email and SMS, wanting to know when it was the right time to ring. No response! Then a couple of days later, I rang her to spoke to her, but before we got to the part where we wanted to know what time to meet, she said she was going out of range, and to ring back. I got her messagebank, and left a message, and tried to phone her a couple of times later that night, but still got her messagebank. She didn't ring back! Then I got a nasty email saying I was ringing her too much, and all this crap! Another girl, I arranged to have another date with, said she met another man better than me, and said sorry and all the best!
On other dates, we met for coffee, then afterwards they have all said that it just didn't work out, but didn't tell me any reason why?
Is there some reason you want to meet girls over the internet rather than in person? I mean, maybe you would have better luck if you just tried going out and meeting new people. At least that way you would know what you were getting into before you actually went on a date with them. I have always thought that internet dating was kind of creepy. There are a lot of people who will claim to be someone they aren't. It's just too risky. My advice to you is to NOT spend so much time on the internet and more time going out and getting into the social scene. I am sure you would have better luck.
Well, this is just the way that it goes. Your probably not doing anything wrong! YOu just haven't met the right person yet, and when you do, you'll know. THe best advice I can give you is : stay cool, and keep at it. Dont let things like this discourage you at all!!! IT happens to all of us. Almost the exact thing happened to me before..
Good Luck,
CyphEr
MJC,
I've done alot of internet dating. Once I was with a person for a year. The next time I was with someone for 2 years. In between that though....I've met some really nice guys but the chemistry wasn't there! I think statistically....it's probably the same if you meet someone online or offline. Only a small percentage of people you meet in ANY capacity has all the qualities that both people are looking for in a relationship. It takes time and patience.
Some people don't like internet dating.....but for me....I would rather "weed thru" stuff before we actually meet and try to make a good decision. Sometimes I do....sometimes I don't. It's just like bar hopping....you may run into a great person....or you can run into someone who has their head up their butt.
When my work hours allow me to date....I usually will run an ad awhile on a date site. Sometimes I'll get 45 answers in a day....other times I'll get 2. It just depends on who's on there and how your luck is running. Again, the odds are the same if you are in a bar or in the grocery store or you check out the work place. I have a set criteria that I won't date anyone who lives closer than one state away. I don't want the high maintenance of a close up relationship. I want to meet up when I have time. (NO...not just for sex....LOL!)
So, don't feel bad or less than. The dating life for anyone is totally unpredictable. As a female though...if I answer an ad....it'll be because I pick up on the fact that he is "witty" and fun to be around. Maybe you can play around with the verbage in your ad.
Meeting people online ain't that different than meeting them in real life.
Besides...sometimes it's tough to meet women in real life, for me. Around my area, a girl could be gorgeous but she could also be 14, it's IMPOSSIBLE to tell sometimes. I'd rather not even risk anything like that.
I live in Jax, FL in the middle of a couple Navy and Coast Guard bases. I HAVE one of those 14 year olds!!! The cops here have asked the girls to wear their Middle School ID's when they are out goofing around.....just to keep the sailors and coasties out of trouble. A guy really has no way of telling the age of a girl these days....and it's almost unfair to expect him to. To make it worse....they way they dress....it's hard not to conceive them as being hookers along the strip!! HAHA! One wrong statement though....and your butt is in jail or in the brig on base.
I have tried some internet dating also. Most of the time it has not been very good. I have ended up having lunch with woman who I would have been scared to be alone in a room with.
I live in a city where I don't know anyone and the people I work with are either married and don't go out anymore or 10 years younger and consider me a geezer at 33 so the chances of me meeting someone traditionally are about zero. A few years ago I decided I was really tired of being alone so I asked at least one random woman out a day for about 2 months ( I would strike up a conversation at a book store or coffee shop etc) I only got one yes and she stood me up. If you don't have friends or co-workers to introduce you to people I think you are out of luck.
I will repeat my advice on this: join clubs, join associations, volunteer, take courses. There are zillions of places people gather - all you have to do is pick an interest and join a related activity. There are often music festivals that need volunteers. There are charities begging for people.
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I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
In the last 5 years I have done the following to meet women:
I went bact to college
I joined three clubs
I joined Air Force Reserve
I took another job at a company that actually employed women (There were two at the previous company.)
Registered with 2 internet dating services
Almost joined "It's just Lunch." The "dating service for busy professionals (I don't consider myself one but what the heck.) They charge $1000 for 12 lunch dates. I passed
Ahhhh Kevin.....it's hard to contol everything! I suspect the minute she walks out of our house....she slaps on the makeup.....lights up a cig....and is quite the hoochey mama. I have no idea for sure......but I'm suspecting it. HAHA! I'm figuring from myself as a young teen.
Dragonfly....there is NO reason in the world some female out there wouldn't find your utterly irresistable!! You are selling yourself way short!!!!! DAMMIT MAN....you are good looking and have everything going for you. Maybe you have high standards....and that's a GOOD THING. It may take awhile.....but out there somewhere.....is the female just waiting for someone like you.
Thanks Arabess, I had a female friend who was 10 years older than me (I was in my late 20's and she her late 30's) who told me that I look really serious all the time and that it probably scared women off. I just don't have that thing is that attracts women in the first place, that certain savoir-faire or whatever
I am picky and I think that the type of women that I am attracted to are hard to find and not attracted to guys like me which is odd because the types are a lot alike. I like the pretty artistic types who wear little or no make-up, like to read but also do things like mountain biking or traveling. I have known three, dated two, and married one. Obviously it didn't work out.
That's what is so INTERESTING about 'love' Dragon. Chances are you'll fall head over heels for some girl who considers People Magazine as a real current event publication and loves to skateboard. HAHAHAHAHA! If ONLY we could draw a blueprint and stick to it!!! ALAS, we have a blueprint and fall in love with the smudged version.
mjc,
I've done the Internet dating thing too and it can be challenging. BUt, I've seen people get together after meeting on the Net. Many good relationships have come out of it...so, don't give up hope.
and DragonflyX...I'm artistic and love to bike and travel. Hee heee...if you were in my area, you'd be on my hot list Ok, sorry, just had to say that. And if people think you "look" too serious...screw them. As long as you're happy, you'll have women flocking to you.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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