I have been posting messages on another board about my breakup from my girlfriend. But theres something that really is bothering me. I get very depressed and often think about harming myself, I dont actually attempt do do it, I just think about what I could do. And sometimes think that if I did something and ended up in hospital maybe she would come back to me. Desperate I know, but its what keeps going through my head.
Is this 'normal' to think like this or am I just totally mad.
sometimes think that if I did something and ended up in hospital maybe she would come back to me
If one of your friends or relatives said this to you, wouldn't you immediately point out how irrational that is? If these feelings start to overwhelm you, see a doctor. Your loss may have caused a clinical depression that you might need meds to get out of.
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I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to my fellow creatures, let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.
hey chris- i too suffer from harming myself. i used to burn myself when i was really upset or stressed out. the reasoning for me was i do not like to show any negative feeligs, such as anger, dissappointment, etc.. it facilitated me to physically hurt, and also to punish myself because i thought what ever the problem was, it was most likely my fault anyway, and that i was such a huge waste of air, life, everything. so it helped me to do damage to myself in other ways besides the drugs, alcohal, and my eating disorder.
i started taking prozac for my depression, and it has dramatically helped and curbed me doing harm to myself, now i still do get depressed and i definately think and want to do harm to myself sometimes, but life is soo much better for me now.
have you always had thoughts like this? or is it something that bore itself after your breakup?
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In life the answers are always present, the challenge is to associate the proper questions.
See a doctor and get some meds. You will be surprised how quickly you can get these feelings under control.
BTW - would you really want a relationship based on violence (you hurting yourself) and guilt (someone coming back to you because you hurt yourself)? You can go build a new relationship based on shared values, trust and affection instead.
I don't think there is a relationship in the WORLD worth harming yourself for. You are unique and special and you shouldn't need a relationship to validate that point. If someone doesn't want to be with you....it doesn't mean something is wrong with you....it means you aren't RIGHT for THEM.
On the other side of the coin....If they no longer want to be with you...then why would you want to "force" them by making then feel obligated by you being in the hospital? If someone did that to me....I would send them a note saying "THIS is why I'm not with you!". I would never feel sorry enough for someone to return to the relationship. Wouldn't it be disrespective and dishonest to be with someone just because you felt sorry for them? Who would want a relationship on that premise?
Depression can get you to thinking some pretty goofy things though. Focus on getting help on the depression.....not on getting the relationship back.
I know lost love can be utterly painful. Moving on takes great energy and effort. One day though....you'll meet someone else and you'll wonder why you let this thing eat you up so much. Till then...hang in there and know your life is WORTH LIVING!
I know that no relationship is worth harming myself for, but I cant seem to tell my brain that.
My first 'real' girlfriend dumped me because she wanted to see someone else. That really hurt me and was the start of these stupid thoughts. But the girl who helped me back up on to my feet again is the girl thats just dumped me. This (although not her fault) has made it worse this time round. It makes me think that I'm just a waste of space and the next one will come along and do the same thing. So therefore I would rather not go through that again, thats where these thoughts come from.
The trouble is I'm too weak to handle this any other way, I'm no good at talking to people face to face so I find myself dealing with it by myself.
The first time was bad enough the second is just pure hell and I just cant see a way out. I have booked a doctors appointment for tomorrow but I fear that he will tell me to shake myself out of it.
I know that harming myself wont bring her back, and i know its a selfish thing to do, but the thoughts are running my life. I cant stand being without her.
I fear that he will tell me to shake myself out of it.
If you tell your doctor what you just told us and he says that to you, report him to the AMA immediately and get another doctor. There is NO excuse for ignorance about the symptoms and treatment of depression whatsoever.
Be sure you see the type of doctor who is skilled in the diagnosis and treatment of depression. You may not have the kind of clinical depression that will respond to medication. If we could take a pill everytime we were upset and pull right out of it, that would be great. There is simply no way here that we can tell you what kind of depression you have but my best guess is that it's reactive...a direct response to your life situation. In that case, psychotherapy by a competent counsellor will work much better than meds or at least in combintation with it.
I think people these days are way too fast to head for the medicine cabinet when something goes wrong in their life. If you feel you are too emotionally weak to handle this situation, a counsellor would be ideal to teach you coping skills in general. Life isn't all rosy. There are times when shxt happens. Some people do illegal drugs, some people go to quack doctors to write them scripts for whatever they want. However, you should get the very best treatment possible and be an informed medical consumer.
Get the counselling you need to make sailing through this life more comfortable for you...hopefully without the use of pills. Of couse, if your doctor feels they will be best for you, take them as directed and don't expect instant results. Antidepressants take a few weeks to create a sufficient blood level for you to feel improvement.
Tony's got a good point. You may need to see a medical doctor for starters to rule out any other possible underlying conditions. Here is some information about getting a proper diagnosis:
A number of professionals can help to diagnose and treat depression. In addition to your family doctor, your OB/GYN or a psychiatrist can diagnose depression and prescribe antidepressant medicine. Psychologists, social workers, and family therapists are also qualified to diagnose depression and provide psychotherapy aimed at reducing the symptoms. Often a doctor and a therapist will work together to deliver the best possible care.
Finding the right physician or therapist isn't always easy, and many people put more effort into finding the best toaster oven than the best health care professional. In the treatment of depression, the match between doctor and patient must be a good one. Much of the healing of depression is based on working together to solve the problem.
It's OK to have preferences. Many women prefer a female physician. Other people have preferences about age and experience. Speak to people you respect for a referral. Interview the doctor yourself. Ask about their basic feelings on health issues important to you. Trust your instincts. If you don't feel it's a good match, keep looking. Support groups can be an excellent source of information, including referrals.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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