[winkyt]

Im the other woman but I never intended to be. I fell in love with a man a year before he got married and though I ceased contact with him after his marriage I was then unable to say no to him when he asked to meet up, especially when he said that he still loved me and would leave her. We have an intensely close relationship, we talk every day and see each other nearly every day and I truly do feel that I’ve found my soul mate. Im not in this relationship for the challenge or the thrills or the danger element. In fact I am so hurt that he’s married but I can’t change the circumstances, I can only wait for him to change his mind. Every night I go home and cry knowing that he is with her, in many ways I think the other woman suffers if not more than at least the same as the wife.

Just because I don’t have a marriage certificate people tell me it should be easy to walk away but its not. Ive put a lot into what I have with him and I genuinely love him . She has found out about us on so many occasions but she won’t leave, he won’t and I won’t and we’re all in some horrible limbo place. Im too afraid to leave because I think ill be missing out on something worth fighting for but at the same time this has gone on for nearly a year and im tired of the lies and the secrecy and of being alone more than being with him. He keeps asking for more time and says that if i love him ill wait. And then I think that maybe if I keep trying she’ll crack and leave or he’ll be sick of the deceit and just choose one of us. I know im being a coward for wanting them to make the decision but I don’t know what to do

[Arabess]

The hardest part about your situation...is that you feel it is unique and "special". The truth is (and I'll tell you like someone once told me)......you are a relationship which is worth a dime a dozen. I have NO IDEA why a guy will say you are the "best thing that ever happened to him" and you are his "soulmate".... and then remians married to someone else. It's a MAJOR contradiction!!!

As much as I would love to tell you this guy is a PEACH...and he's gonna leave the wife and be with you.....I just can't say that. I know for a fact married men rarely leave. They just keep playing the game till you are all wore out.....and feel like a used condom. It's a " no win" situation Sweetie! I don 't care what you do or how long you wait.....the "fruition" will never happen.

And I am soooooo sorry....cause I know first hand how painful this kind of crap can be. There are support groups online to help you get thru this without judgement. If you want a link....just PM me and let me know.

I really care about what you are going thru. I have been there....and wished a truck would've hit me and put me out of my misery. Three times I believed him....and three times....I got left feeling like the world's biggest fool. Trust me....just walk away now. CRY.....SCREAM......WONDER WHY.....but get it over with...and then move on.

[Arabess]

It's hard to leave this post Wink...cause I feel your pain to HERE and back! I wish I could give you a big hug and make it all go away.

[winkyt]

thanks heaps for your reply arabess, i think the worst part about all this is how isolated i feel and that no-one could understand why i feel like i do

there's actually more to the story then i said in the first post, his wife called me again recently and when she asked if i was still seeing him i said yes, hoping she would finally leave. then he found out she had called and asked me what i had told her, i lied and said nothing...but she had tape recorded the conversation so he lost it and said that i had breached his trust and he didn't think he could ever talk to me again

now i feel like its all my fault that this has happened, but at the same time ive forgiven him so many times for what he does to me and stayed but now he can so easily walk away from me...my friend said its probably a blessing in disguise but she doesn't think he really means it, he only wants some time between us so he can patch things up with his wife and then come see me again when things with her are settled

could you let me know what those links are please? at this point im just confused and hating myself for what has happened :-(

also maybe if you could tell me how you got over it and how long it took, or if you can even really get over something like this?

[ArdeaCandidissima]

"Breach of trust"? HE uses that against YOU? Because you told the TRUTH? (Which was ill-advised, by the way...but still.)

Good one! I guess the rules let him lie and cheat, but not you.

How 'bout you find someone who plays fair?

[winkyt]

i know it seems double standards to say that i feel guilty for having lied considering his position but i believe that despite his position he never really lied to me - i always knew what was going on...i know it sounds like im trying to make excuses for him, and maybe i guess i am...but i hate to think that someone im so in love with could not be genuinely reciprocating the feelings - how could anyone be so cruel?

but i also understand what arabess said, it takes a certan kind of person to be able to go from one woman to another in the space of what was often ten minutes..i think about it myself and know that i couldn't do it, but it doesn't help in terms of being able to understand why this has all happened

isn't there a reason for everything? it seems that the only reason has been for me to suffer for two years and then have nothing :-(