[John_Doe]

I’ve been in a relationship with this girl for nearly 4 years. We’ve known each other for years and we’ve both been dealing with her extremely emotional and depressive moods since we’ve been together.

Since day one, she has looking for me to marry her and getting her kids back to live with us. Her father has been taking care of them since just before we started dating.

She has (diagnosed) depressive symptoms, and quite simply I am worried about her stability. We have had our share of ups and downs. The bottom line is that after almost 3 years together, I’ve fallen “out of love” with her. I care tremendously about her and her welfare and cannot think of a way to break it to her. My fear is that I will drive her into a state of suicide. She’s had a very difficult past, and absolutely no support system. I’ve dragged her across the country away from her friends and family to live with me more than once in recent years. I know that all she wants is stability, and for me to marry her. She has mentioned this many times.

My question to you is how do I do this? How do I break this off without bringing her to a state of suicide???

Lately, she’s accused us of acting more like roommates than being in a relationship. And for the most part, it’s true. We don’t have much of a sexual relationship anymore. We don’t sleep together all of the time. We spend time at home separated (doing our own thing). We both work a lot, and I am out of town on business the better part of the week.

So how can I tell someone who is so dependant on something constant in her life, that I want to end it? I don’t want her to hurt herself.

HELP!!!

[Arabess]

I can't think of ANYTHING worse than being in your position. I'm the same way when it comes to having to break up. I don't want to hurt someone's feelings....but then I end up being distant....which is equally (if not worse) of a pain to someone else.

Normally though, you aren't doing anyone any favors by vaguely holding onto a relationship. Actually, you are keeping them from moving on and maybe finding someone who DOES love them and can make them happy.

No matter what your mental state was in....would YOU want someone to stay with you if they didn't want to be there? Then, if you found out later about what a long time it was that they wanted out before you found out....that would be even worse than if the person had just come face to face with you and had been honest in the first place.

Again, I'm not good at break ups.....but there is always a time you have to do what you have to do. The longer you put it off....the longer BOTH of you are unhappy and can't move on.

[ArdeaCandidissima]

A very sad situation. I would recommend talking to counselors on a suicide hotline about this very question.

How sad that you have removed a needy person from her support system (family and friends). If you have truly "dragged her across the country", at some stage you should look into your heart and ask yourself why you were so careless and perhaps even cruel. Did you perhaps exacerbate her dependency on you for reasons of your own?

Although I give lots of advice at Loveshack, I am not willing to give advice when there is a possibility it may prove fatal. God protect you both.