my ex of 4.5 years and i broke up about 2 months ago b/c she wanted to "find herself" and she needed "space and time." needless to say, one week after breaking up, i see her on a date w/ a co-worker that had a thing for her. (and she felt feelings for him too)
anyway -- after a month of no communication, she calls me at midnight to see how i'm doing and to let me know she still cares for me. every time i thought i was going to lose my cool, i thought about how devastated i was when i saw her with that guy. she said she didn't want to be incommunicado during the holidays, and wants to stay in contact, but the ball was in my court to contact her. she also alluded to "the next time i see you" and how "[i'm] still an important part of her life." ???
i was crushed when she left me for someone else and had to cover it up with a lie, and i'm still getting over her. i'm pretty close to kicking the habit, but what now she threw me for a loop? what's with that call? i'm very sure she's still hanging out with that guy -- is she stringing me along?
My ex did the same to me -- "Oh baby, I need to find myself, I need my space, I need to find my soul, I need to experience life on my own, but you will wait for me, won't you?" -- What they really mean is, "There is this guy that I really like and want to try out and if it doesn't work out, I could always come back to you, right?" Hah!!! Not a day an hell...
Yep - It happens to the best of us. My ex dumped me and went right back to her exboyfriend. But you know what??? He can have her!!!
Don't mind me, I'm just feeling goofy!
As for the call, she probably is really curious as to what you have been up to these days. There also could be a slim possibility that she could be regretting her decision to let you go. Me, personally, I would play it cool and let her know what's going on with me. Don't get all sappy/wishy washy on her and just try and be pleasant. Also, don't relive the past -- talk about your future.
i think it could be either way - either she wants to get attention and make sure you've been devastated by her actions, or she truly misses you. so the strategy is to stay cool until she makes it clearer which way it is.
Thanks everyone. I'd like to hope that she misses me as her boyfriend, since I miss her so much, but I know better than to think about it. I'm planning on giving her a Christmas present anyway. Do you think this is a bad idea? It's nothing big, just a shirt I picked up for her since I know she wanted it a while ago.
Also, I haven't spoken to her since that last call on the 7th. I would like to see her again sometime. (Maybe during Christmas.) Do you think I should call her back? Should I just let it go? If I call her back, how long should I wait so I don't look desperate?
Don't call, don't buy gifts and don't do anything. She already made her decision, you should make yours. I would change my number if I was you. So that she doesn't re-open that wound every time she calls you. Time to move on. If you do bump into to her somewhere, just excuse yourself and tell her your late for date and that you will talk to her some other time.
Just kidding, but the situations are similar. I called my old boyfriend of years and years because I missed him. Plain and simple. He was a part of my family. He is a good person. Sometimes you leave a relationship only to find that no one else measures up.
Maybe your old girlfriend is finding that other people just don't understand her and she doesn't have the patience to open up all over again. Perhaps she is just curious to see if you're still doing well. Maybe she misses your ass. After 4 1/2 years, it's probably been weird for both of you.
Anyway, keep your options open. You probably still love her, but don't let her feel too powerful in the situation. She was the one who imparted the distance. If you want to give her a Xmas gift, do so. Only you know the dynamics of the relationship and what is/isn't within reason behavior-wise. Just don't let her feel too pampered. You can let her know you still care without sounding like you want her back. Keep her on her toes in case she is pondering a reconciliation.
Originally posted by dkoala
my ex of 4.5 years and i broke up about 2 months ago b/c she wanted to "find herself" and she needed "space and time." needless to say, one week after breaking up, i see her on a date w/ a co-worker that had a thing for her. (and she felt feelings for him too)
anyway -- after a month of no communication, she calls me at midnight to see how i'm doing and to let me know she still cares for me. every time i thought i was going to lose my cool, i thought about how devastated i was when i saw her with that guy. she said she didn't want to be incommunicado during the holidays, and wants to stay in contact, but the ball was in my court to contact her. she also alluded to "the next time i see you" and how "[i'm] still an important part of her life." ???
i was crushed when she left me for someone else and had to cover it up with a lie, and i'm still getting over her. i'm pretty close to kicking the habit, but what now she threw me for a loop? what's with that call? i'm very sure she's still hanging out with that guy -- is she stringing me along?
thanks
Hi there!!!!
Well I think she is just making an excuse and its not right. You should tell her or ask her whats her problem .
Thats what i would do.
I broke up with my ex a few months ago about two months ago and now im going out with someone else whom loves me very much. I will always have feeling for my ex he will always stay apart of me and still have feelings for him but i dont want him back on the moment im too happy.
He sms'd me the other day and asked how i am and we should do something together. I get so confused when he does that cause of the feelings that i have for him and I am so happy right now my love for my boyfriend is unexplainable deap and i liked to keep it that way. Does he still have feelings for me now all of a sudden or what?
Man, a week later and she's already on a date with someone else! I read it somewhere that when women leave, they've already got plans in the works. You won't find them sitting around looking at four walls for very long, and I guess she's your case in point.
I'd agree with the other posters: she's probably at least wondering whether or not things are going to work out with Mr. Johnny Come Lately. Hence the phonecall to you...at midnight, no less.
Normally I'd say truck on and don't give her an ounce of anything. But after 4 1/2 years, if you ended the relationship without getting too messy, I'd say she deserves some respect. Nevertheless, I do think that she dissed you by firing you and picking up a temp to replace you seven days later. I mean, think about it...it probably took her at least three or four days to set up the date (or maybe the other guy asked her out first...who knows? who cares?) I think you have to be nice about it, but the end result is the same: truck on, babe. Truck on. Head on down that there highway and keep truckin on.
The correspondence via telephone was like old times. We laughed and talked, caught up. We kept the conversation away from talk of new relationships.
I emailed him a couple of weeks later. It was a very long letter, and included many sentiments I owed him. He wrote back and gave the same amount of effort and care in his response. Basically, he was receptive. It was not the in-love with laura version, but still the same good guy coming through, and the person I know and loved.
we talked over the phone last week and she said that she wants to do something during christmastime. i said "i guess it was okay" to do something during christmas. probably not a great idea, but i can't say 'no' for some reason
i told her that she didn't have to feel obligated to call me, and she replied "what if i want to?"
also, she reiterated that she's using this time apart to find out what she wants to do with her life, and she hopes i'm doing the same.
i'm just upset that i had closure with our relationship, and now she wants to open things back up again as friends. i know it would be a nice idea *in theory*, but i really don't want to see her again. so now i'm past the point of caring about what she says, and i'm trying to focus on other things.
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