Okay, so I JUST broke up with my ex...two days later, I meet this REALLY nice guy. He takes me to a bar on our first date (mutual agreement) and I ended up drinking too much and getting sick ( ON HIM)...he was totally cool about it..he sat right next to me and held my hair back...and to top it off, HE CALLED ME AGAIN. We went out again twice..things were going good and then like an idiot, I got a little agressive...I pretty much asked him why he hadn't made a move on me in 3 dates. He informed me that he likes to take things slow. I told him I was sorry and that I wasn't used to that and that I just couldn't tell if he was interested. He said "I can tell you right now, I AM interested, I just like to take things slow". I go into my car and he said "I'll call you tomorrow". He DID call, on his way home from work, (Wednesday) and we only talked for like 15 minutes because he had to get ready to go out and meet his brother. Anyway, yesterday (Thursday) he never called me. I know he has been working really hard at work, plus he is moving this weekend..but I am trying to figure out if I just ruined a chance with him because of what I had said to him. Do guys HAVE to call if it's just DATING?? Am I overreacting?? Please give any advice!!!
Location: Alberta (Born in the Hometwon of the Calgary Flames!!)
Posts: 1,422
I think hes just one of those guys that truly do like to take it slow and because he hasnt called you one day.... so far..... doesnt mean hes not interested.... it could mean that hes just wanting to chill or it could be he was actually busy..... dont panic .... i think if it goes on past the weekend that he doesnt call then maybe you could toss your fears in the air and come to your conclusions...... however until then id just relax..... but just dont sit and wait for the phone to ring cuz youll drive yourself crazy.....
My God girl, even if you are dating seriously, there is no reason that you have to call each and every day. You seem to move way to fast. Just take your time and enjoy when you do speak and hang out. There is no need to obsess about one day of no phone call.
I don't necessarily mean he should call everyday..I just find it odd that he didn't call AFTER that conversation...I agree that I do move a little fast. I guess I should just wait 'til Tuesday or so..that way he has moved and has no reason not to call....Thanx for the advice!
Believe it or not, there are guys out there that like to take things slow. When my husband and I were dating, we took it very slow because we both had been hurt in relationships from the past. My advice to you is to just chill and take things day by day. Get out there and have fun and don't sit by the phone waiting for him to call -- you will just drive yourself crazy analyzing everything he did/said, or what you did/said. Just give it some time, and let the relationship "gel."
I think he doesnt mean anything by not calling you ONE day. I think he's interested in you, dont question it so much. I think it's nice that he'll give you your space, and maybe he wants you to call him.
Well, it turns out not that he DID call...Friday, he called and told me he had been moving most of that day and that he was sorry for not calling on THursday, but he fell asleep as soon as he got home from work to get ready for the move. I told him I was going to a bar with some friends that night and asked if he wanted to go. He said he was probably just gonna sit home and drink with his new roomate. I ended up calling him later on that night and he didn't answer, so my drunk friend called him from her cell phone and he answered. He said "Tell her I am not avoiding her, I am just really drunk and I am sick so I will call her tomorrow." Well, Saturday, I left a message and just said "Hope you are feeling better, we are going to the bar tonight if you wanna go, just gimme a call"...he never called..ALL weekend. I am SO not used to guys taking things slow, so is that what he is doing by not calling or is that just blowing me off??? WHY IS THIS SOOOO CONFUSING?
It is sooooo confusing because you are looking way to into things! Ok, he had a legitimate reason for not calling the first time. Why not just give him the benefit of the doubt for a while. This is obviously in the beginning stages of some sort of relationship, just wait it out. You have invited him to do things, and he wants to he will. You can't force him into calling and spending time with you. If you did, it wouldn't be worth it anyways because you would be thinking the only reason he was there was because you nagged him to death. Just take it day by day. I know it drives you nuts by him not calling, but return the favor. Don't call him either. If this is supposed to work, he will call you. I promise, and if not, then it's good to know now rather than later.
I know that I over-analyze EVERYTHING..Always have. I am HONESTLY just NOT used to guys taking things slow. I know it's a GOOD thing..and I AM happy that for once I am doing things the right way...but is this what "taking it slow" is??? If he IS just going slow is THAT why he isn't calling? I know he moved all weekend and he probably went out and got drunk...I can almost GUARANTEE that..but if I leave a message and he doesn't call back, do I take that as a hint???I just don't know how "SLOW" works!
Taking it slow yes, most definitely means that he does not have to call every day, so your answer to that is yes. Now, if you have left a message and he has not called back, then give it a couple of days. It was Saturday you called and left the message right? Well give it til the middle of the week. Go ahead and try again, if he answers great. If not, leave him another message just simply saying you were just calling to see what was up and see what he was going to up to and possibly getting together or something. Then, take his response as hint. You have obviously went out of your way to try to contact him and possibly see him. If he does not respond, DO NOT call back. I repeat, DO NOT call back. Do you really want to make yourself available at the drop of his hat? Rearrange your life when it is convenient for him? If he has respect for you, he will call regardless, just to return the call and let you know honestly if he is interested of not. If he cannot return your call, don't beg him to. It should be done out of pure respect!
Yeah, I guess that sounds pretty reasonable to me. I was actually gonna wait 'til Thursday to call him because my friend, her husband and I all wanted to go to this place here in Charlotte...so I was gonna ask him to go...I guess THAT is enough time to wait and call....I need to get used to this SLOW thing..LOL!!! Thanx for all the advice!!!
Anytime!! To be honest with you, I was in a long-term relationship for quite a while and I was obsessed with him calling and always spending time together. I am no longer in that relationship but learned A LOT from it. I realized that that is not what life is all about - spending every minute with him or at least on the phone with him. You have to have your own life. I am at the point now where when someone wants to spend all of there time with me, I am turned off by it because I have my own life now and am not ready to give that up. you will figure things out for yourself, it just takes time.
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