[Roxy]

Okay, my ex is being weird and just plain cruel. He's sending me super mixed signals and I just don't know how to deal. All I know is that I cannot deal with this until his graduation date because I will go insane. He broke up with me after two years because he said I was "too controlling" and it was his senior year. In other words, he's turning eighteen and he wants to drink and hit the strip clubs or whatnot. He denies it, but whatever. Anywho, first he's the biggest sweetie in the world telling me he loves me and stuff and then he is a complete jerk telling me to "get the **** away from him" and whatever. He's playing with my head and I hate it. He knows I cannot be mad at him and he takes advantage of it. Okay, well, he was my first...well...we were each other's firsts and then some. I trusted him and I never thought he would be one to kiss and tell. Now, one of his buddies that he's been hanging out with lately since we broke up, called me yesterday and tells me how he's been telling him and another friend of theirs (a girl) about all the things we've done, how many times, about a time the condom broke, etc. I could not believe my ears. He doesn't know Adrian tells me these things and I plan to keep it that way. They both have terrible tempers and it would be a huge mess if something got out. I just don't know what to think anymore. It's hard to believe that him, of all people, would do something like this. I start to deal and slowly recover and then he comes along and tells me he loves me and it just backtracks me so bad and it feels like he just broke my heart all over again. I don't want another boyfriend right now, but I just wanna go out and have fun with a guy and be carefree and sixteen. He still kinda gets jealous and I don't wanna do that so I refrain from going out and stuff. He just has so much power over me emotionally and I feel trapped. I'm only sixteen so this super sucks. I'm interested in Adrian and I know it's mutual...okay, so it's lusty wrong feelings. So sue me. We both just wanna have fun (besides the lusty wrong feelings) without the whole commitment part, but then again he is like my ex's best friend and he has a girlfriend which he isn't faithful to even though I've told her many times and he's sleeping with his best friend who would be...okay, this is just really messed up. Okay, whatever happen to being a teenager and innocent? I just feel so betrayed and I think my ex is mad at me for like the stupidest reason right now. I just don't know how to face him tomorrow. Should I just go for it with Adrian even though he's friends with my ex? He gives me more support than my ex does. Which is probably due to the fact that he wants to get in my pants...okay, boys suck! Would it be best to just cut off all ties with my ex even though it'll probably end up hurting more for now? But it has to get better. I know that. Hopefully, it won't get any worse. I just don't know how to go about the whole healing process without letting him continue playing with my heart. I feel like I'm some toy of his. He'll get fresh with me and wants to continue being physical and I was actually going to allow it until Adrian told me that he was being public with what we did behind closed doors. I love him. I'm too young to be feeling like this. Any advice? I know I really probably shouldn't be getting physical at this age..but..ha. It just..happens. I say no and eventually he'll just continue pushing my buttons until...yep. Help! Is he just being a typical teenage guy and should I just cut off all ties and move on with what little dignity I can muster up? He says he still cares and I believe him because he's my best friend I can talk to him about anything in the world. He is just being a little..unmentionable right now. He looks me in the eyes and tells me he loves me and my heart just stops and it's...terrible. Omg. Help me. And how can I say no to a guy and make him understand without letting him get me in the sack? It's not like I'm sleeping around (ew); it's just these two that are getting happy up on me. I know I'm free and all and I can do whatever I want with whoever I want...but I don't wanna mess things up between them and Adrian just cannot get it..so help. Teenagers..I tell you. Just advice on all these little things would really help. Thanks.

-Roxy

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."
...I'm drowning in lemonade, darn it.