Running into "female friends" from his past

raine · 29th October 2003, 2:17 PM

Lately when my boyfriend and I go out he runs into "female friends" from the past. They always hug and this really bothers me. He also calls them sweetie or babe (which he says to most women), this bothers me as well. We went to one of my co-worker's birthday dinner last weekend and he went to the restroom, when he came back he told me that he ran into yet another one. At a bar the weekend before a girl he went to school with hugged him 3 times. I hate that he has all these past female friends. This will never happen with me because I was not raised here nor do I have that many past guy friends, even so I don't think I would feel the need to hug them all. I think I just have a hard time dealing with the fact that he has a past at all, especially the college years of it, which he has only been out of for a year. He also goes around town for his job and I find myself wondering who he sees during this time. I don't think he would cheat on me but jee whiz can we go somewhere and he not run into a girl from his past??? It makes me not want to go places with him sometimes for fear of this.

any advice on how to get over this????

Girlinterrupted · 29th October 2003, 2:52 PM

Yeah that sounds annoying, I don't blame you I wouldn't like this either. Have you tried to let him know that this bothers you. I guess you'd have to be real carefull how you express your feeling on this matter to him, you don't want him to think your jeolous or insecure.

I definately think though that you should tell him that it's annoying constantly being interrupted by his freinds when you go out.

Girls are catty and they like to make a girl feel insecure in situations like this so if I was you I would stand your ground and make sure that he introduces you "each" time.

You can't really do anything other than to speak with him, honesty is always the best policy and this way you'll see if he respects your feelings. Just make sure he understands that your not insecure or jeolous.

raine · 29th October 2003, 3:16 PM

The problem is I am insecure and jealous. But it also just annoys me, especially if it is just he and i out. I mean, we are pretty much on a date. What kind of girl, glad to see him from the past, hasn't seen in so long, whatever, but what kind of girl interrupts a date! I wouldn't dream of such a thing. My personal view of it is that if I did see an old guy friend (won't happen but still) and he was with a girl. I probably wouldn't interrupt. If for some reason I did though I surely wouldn't hug him just out of respect for him. I guess not everyone see it like that.

Thanks for your input. I have mentioned it to him and he says what am I supposed to do when they hug me tell them get away? They are just friends and I enjoy seeing good friends from the past.

Girlinterrupted · 29th October 2003, 3:42 PM

Well insecurity is a really bad thing in a relationship and it is an issue that is within your self and he shouldn't have to make up for. About the girls, yes it is sort of rude but again like I said stand your ground don't just sit there and whatch this happen be active, introduce your self and be involved let the girl know that she is not going to overstep your ground. Again a lot of girls do that on purpose however some are just saying hello so just be careful. He knows it bothers you and he should tone it down if he doesn't well then maybe he likes making you jeolous.

raine · 30th October 2003, 8:53 AM

I do know that the insecurities and jealousy are my own problem and am actually in therapy to try to get past them. He once told me about a threesome he had with two girls. Now, everytime I hear any mention of it on TV or wherever it starts me thinking about his experience and makes me sick to my stomach. I wish he had never told me about it. My therapist tells me I have obsessive, compulsive thinking. I don't know how to get things out of my mind when I get to thinking about something.

We are going out tomorrow for his friends birthday and I'm sure he will see a lot of girls that he knows there. I always wonder if it is an ex or someone he has been with before. I hope that I can just get through the night without getting upset.

Wish me luck.

Girlinterrupted · 30th October 2003, 9:02 AM

Glad to hear your getting help for that. Now about him telling you about his experience, I don't know but I think that he contributes to your insecurities with his ways, I mean there was NO need for him to be telling you about his past experiences. I would think about it too, that's normal. He doesn't seem to be too good at making you feel comfertable, it even almost sounds like he likes to make you feel bad, jeolous or insecure! You've already told him that your uncomfertable with certain situations and it didn't seem that he was sympathic to your feelings at all, I'd keep an eye on that. Make sure he is out to make you feel good and not feed of the fact that he can make you jeolous, some guys love that.