[glamrock]

Gary and I have been fighting a lot lately. It would be about the most stupid things, but I gues maybe it centers around how I want his attention and he is distracted with other things. These things are relevant, like work and his own needs. We've been together for over five years, but last night we had another fight. I deliberatly inflicted minor pain on myself to get his attention, he found out and got mad at me. I know that this was stupid and desperate but I was intoxicated and I realize now that it was not right. I already feel irresponsible, but when I wanted to talk to him about it (because I was depressed, I thought I was going crazy) he made me feel even worse. Maybe that was his intention, but whatever. I know that I made a mistake. Please don't berate me, I don't need that, I feel bad enough as it is. We want to stay together, but it feels like we're always fighting. I want to save this relationship, is there any advice you can give me?

[quankanne]

a couple of suggestions:

First, get counselling -- through your church, through your community center, through the yellow pages. It's available, and best of all, it helps give you tools to work through the rough patches. It's not about pointing fingers or placing blame, as some folks mistakenly believe. The more proactive you are, the better off your relationship will be.

Second, stop trying to hurt yourself. At somepoint we humans do things that are bad for us simply because we are in pain and we figure that this is the answer. And it can range from drug or alcoholic episodes to one-night stands to self-abuse. You don't need those kinds of problems on top of whatever problems you face in your relationship, because once you let that mindset take over, it's hard to figure out how to get healthy again.

Think of it this way: your relationship with Gary is a fragile living thing. You need to nurture it when it means as much to you as it obviously does to me in just reading this post. Don't let your ego demand bad behavior just to be noticed -- that's being reactive, not proactive.

Good luck!
quank