I met this guy two years ago. I had just gotten out of a long term relationship and didn't want to be involved with anyone. I met him briefly and was attracted, but didn't pursue it. A few months after we met, I ran into a mutual friend of ours and I asked how his friend was doing. He got pretty upset and told me that he had gotten married. He had only dated the woman for three months and just before he joined the military, they got married without telling anyone. When he came back from training, I ran into him and asked him if he was married and he said he was. I didn't see him again until last week. He and I got to talking and found out we had lots of things in common and we were both attracted to each other before he was married, but never pursued anything.
He and his wife have been married for 9 months. I asked him if he was happy and he said that he was happy with everything except his marriage. He told me that he wishes that he hadn't gotten married so quickly. I asked him if he loved her and he told me that she's a good person, but that he wishes they hadn't gotten married. He told me that just before they got married, they had a discussion about what they both wanted out of a relationship. She said that she was fine with him being gone all the time due to him being in the miltary and that what she wanted was to be taken care of and be a housewife, so she wouldn't have to work. At the end of the night, we ended up kissing, nothing more.
I am not going to pursue this as long as he's married. No ifs ands or buts. There is an attraction there, but I refuse to get involved with a married man. I already feel badly that we did as much as we did. However, if he did get divorced and our paths crossed again, do you think it would be very, very stupid of me to want to date him? Or do you think that the adage 'once a cheater, always a cheater' is always correct?
Take it from someone who knows..DO NOT GET INVOLVED. I was in the SAME situation...for a year and a half. I really cared for this guy and nothing ever happened b/c he had a wife...he was VERY unhappy in his marriage, he stayed there b/c he had two kids. We worked together, so rather than going home, we would stay there and talk for 4, 5 hours. Since he was NEVER home at this point, it got worse...FINALLY, I woke up one day after we kissed and realized thatas NOT me and I did NOT want to be in that situation. I told him to leave me alone. He did..for about 8months..then he got my NEW phone number and called me NON STOP at all hours of the night...blaming ME for his divorce (yep, they divorced and she took the kids)..and not being able to see his kids. I felt SO horrible..then I realized that I WAS NEVER WITH HIM..so it wasn't MY fault...he had 8 months to try to fix things and he didn't..plus it was doomed from the start...to make a long story short, if you get involved...even AFTER they divorce (if they do) you WILL feel guilty and THEY will blame you. You DON'T want that. There are plenty of other guys out there...don't sweat this one..GOOD LUCK!!!
It is never a good idea to get involved with a married man. Although I have never been in this situation, a good friend of mine almost got involved with a married man (luckily she came to her senses before anything happened!!). And I found out later that he is involved with a 16-year-old girl now~~ and he is 35!!!
If you did get involved with this married man, who's to say that he hasn't been telling 2 or 3 other women the same "sob story" about not being happy in his marriage? I say quit while you are ahead!!!
I don't think once a cheater is always a cheater. HOWEVER, the best thing you can do is tell him you care about him and would like to have a relationship with him...but you've GOT TO SEE DIVORCE papers first.
Any woman who has ever been involved with a Married Man will tell you....it's a no win situation!! It's painful, emotionally draining and your self esteem goes out the window.
Since he hasn't been married long...and there are no children involved......he needs to respect his wife enough to leave the relationship BEFORE persuing one with you. Maybe he did make a mistake in his choice. The only way he can correct it though...is to be honest with her.
If he's not willing to do this......RUN LIKE HELL! Listen to what everyone who has been in your situation say..."Until he's divorced......it's not worth it!!!".
I don't believe in "always" or "never;" no one is always anything just because it happened in the past. Splash, this man doesn't need to be ruled out entirely & forever. Only while he is married. If he is as unhappy in the marriage as he claims, he'll end it, and if your paths cross once he's single, there's no reason to pursue something.
You are wise beyond words not to allow further development while he is married... but if & when he gets a divorce (to echo Arabess: See those papers!), it would be a shame to not give it a chance.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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