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Let me give you a personal story that relates to yours. I was dating my ex fiance at the time and one of my former girlfriends (who I thought was just a friend for the longest time) decided she was going to try to win me back. At first it really put me in between a rock and a hard place because while I was completely faithful and loyal to my fiance, I thought I would be able to talk some sense into my former gf. Unfortunately, it didn't work. She kept after it by emailing me every now and again. My fiance and I eventually got into a big argument over this, at which point I finally realized that I had to completely sever all relations with my former gf, and I did just that. I told her to leave me alone and go make a new life, which was very hard for me to do because, like I say, she had become a good friend until that point. Got an email from her six months later wanting to know how I was doing and all, but I didn't respond. Then about two weeks after that, my ex just out of the blue asked if she had tried to contact me. Figuring I'd be the good, honest man, I disclosed to her that she had sent me an email and that I had erased it and not responded. All that did was start one hell of an argument that nearly broke us up THAT DAY. She said that I was dishonest and lying to her by not telling her about it, which I thought was ridiculous. While we patched this over, her jeaolousy was by no means restricted to this girl. It soon became apparent she was suspicious of me and my secretary, who was happily married, and she was jealous of another girl whom she once met (she was happily dating one of my good friends). I finally realized that she was uncontrollably jealous and that she simply didn't trust me to behave on my own. She called me at work a few times and got mad when I was too busy to talk to her. She then tried to get me to change jobs because she said I was on the road too often. She basically became a controller, and I couldn't stand it anymore. We split up about 2 years ago.
Based on that experience, I'd say that, in your girlfriends defense, she might well be an honest person but didn't want to get into a big argument with you. If all she has on her record is a white lie, then I'm not sure that would be a deal breaker. I would be concerned, though, about why she has found herself slumbering in the same house with guys after having a night of drinking. You're right to be a bit concerned about it, though I'm not entirely sure you can jump to conclusions about her integrity just yet. Maybe I'm wrong but I bet many of us have at some point throughout the course of a meaningful relationship made a decision to get ourselves out of a situation knowing that the truth was going to be more harmful than a white lie that would likely never be exposed. I've done it, though I think the record would show I'm an honest person on the whole.
What is far more serious is her perceived need to control you. If she can't trust you, then you're going to bear the brunt of her jealousy and her nagging from now til the end of time. Sounds like she has issues to sort out (her parents aren't divorced by any chance, are they? I mean I'm no shrink, but sometimes this leads to abandonment issues). My attitude about it is that if this is as good as it gets after 4 years, it's probably the end of the line.
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Advise please!
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