Jump to content

How do I see girls as being human, you know, like they're just like me?

Ross PK

By Ross PK
in Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Ross PK Established Member

Ross PK

Posted
Posted

A big problem I have is that girls, they just seem so different, like they're a different species to myself and other men.

 

If I could see them as being human, as being no different from myself, I'd feel more comfortable around them.

 

I try to remember they have insecurities and get embarrased and stuff, but it doesn't really change anything.

 

Would talking with girls and being around them a lot more help?

dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted

Yes!

 

From the amount of time you spend online titmouse think that we are either all porn stars or boxes of text!:laugh:

 

I am slowly becoming convinced that other people are really boxes of text in disguise. :laugh:

 

Go and make as many conversations as you can until you become comfortable.

orangelady Established Member

orangelady

Posted
Posted
A big problem I have is that girls, they just seem so different, like they're a different species to myself and other men.

 

If I could see them as being human, as being no different from myself, I'd feel more comfortable around them.

 

I try to remember they have insecurities and get embarrased and stuff, but it doesn't really change anything.

 

Would talking with girls and being around them a lot more help?

 

 

I think it's quite normal to feel that way about the opposite sex. I also feel men are completely different species to women. I just don't understand men. I find them generally 'cold' and 'heartless' (not in a negative way) so please don't come bashing me saying I am running down men. I am not...what I mean is, it's quite hard to relate to them unless they are NASG (New Aged Sensitive Guy).

 

 

It's pretty normal, so chill. Anyways, I encourage you to read the book by John Gray "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." I read some of it a long time ago and it was like "WOW" to me. It's like omg that's WHY men are like that????

 

My brother who is now married for 7 years also read it before he married his wife. I kinda got into his room and sneaked the book out for a read. That's when things started to connect in my brain about this thing called......MEN.

sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

Posted
Posted

Do some volunteer work in a hospital or nursing home. You'll quickly realize men and women are basically the same. Our differences predominantly reside in our personalities.

We all bleed, wrinkle up, feel pain, fear, sorrow and happiness, display an amazing capacity for bravery and inner strength, and in the end we all die. It doesn't matter who you're talking about or what gender they are. They were born, lived as the person they were, and then died. I bet if you really sat down and thought about it, you'd see there isn't an emotion or concern that is only displayed by one gender.

Romeofud Established Member

Romeofud

Posted
Posted

OP, what's with your obsession over the opposite sex? This is why you have no success with any of them: because they can sense your way in how you probably look at them, your awkwardness around them, so on so forth. Just be natural! I cant emphasize that any more. Learn to strike up innocent conversation with them. Keep it light, simple, toss in a joke here and there, then keep it moving. Stop making your agenda in talking with a woman about dating her. You have to first get comfortable with them way before you can take that leap. I'm getting on you because almost all your threads are about HER!

 

Take it from a man that's been there. I used to be a failure with women in a lot of different ways. This goes back to my HS days. Since college, I've broken out wild, had good enough success (mind you, I still get rejections. We all do) and can talk to a woman any time of the day as easy as taking a walk in the park.

 

I hope some of this advice is getting across to you, Ross. And only then, will you view women as human beings: when you stop trying to analyze them and just take them for who they are.

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted

Seeing women as human just like you is a great way to make friends with them.

 

If you want to date and have sex with women, you cannot see them as human. You would need to see them as sexual creatures.

 

Ross, what is your goal?

  • Author
Ross PK Established Member

Ross PK

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I think it's quite normal to feel that way about the opposite sex. I also feel men are completely different species to women. I just don't understand men. I find them generally 'cold' and 'heartless' (not in a negative way) so please don't come bashing me saying I am running down men. I am not...what I mean is, it's quite hard to relate to them unless they are NASG (New Aged Sensitive Guy).

 

 

It's pretty normal, so chill. Anyways, I encourage you to read the book by John Gray "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." I read some of it a long time ago and it was like "WOW" to me. It's like omg that's WHY men are like that????

 

My brother who is now married for 7 years also read it before he married his wife. I kinda got into his room and sneaked the book out for a read. That's when things started to connect in my brain about this thing called......MEN.

 

Yeah I have that book, it's in the loft somewhere.

 

How come you had to sneak into his room to borrow it? Couldn't you have just asked him?

  • Author
Ross PK Established Member

Ross PK

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Yes!

 

From the amount of time you spend online titmouse think that we are either all porn stars or boxes of text!:laugh:

 

I am slowly becoming convinced that other people are really boxes of text in disguise. :laugh:

 

Go and make as many conversations as you can until you become comfortable.

 

Okay, I'll try that.

 

Lol, what's a titmouse?

  • Author
Ross PK Established Member

Ross PK

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Do some volunteer work in a hospital or nursing home. You'll quickly realize men and women are basically the same. Our differences predominantly reside in our personalities.

We all bleed, wrinkle up, feel pain, fear, sorrow and happiness, display an amazing capacity for bravery and inner strength, and in the end we all die. It doesn't matter who you're talking about or what gender they are. They were born, lived as the person they were, and then died. I bet if you really sat down and thought about it, you'd see there isn't an emotion or concern that is only displayed by one gender.

 

I'm still looking into doing volunteer work with animals. There's a place I'm planning on going to to check out. Usually at these sorts of places there's loads of girls. Not that that's the reason why I'm going of course.

dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted
Seeing women as human just like you is a great way to make friends with them.

 

If you want to date and have sex with women, you cannot see them as human. You would need to see them as sexual creatures.

 

Ross, what is your goal?

 

Hun, we were talking about dating and having sex on Planet Earth not PUA-land.

 

Seeing girls as human beings to relate to is how to continue getting dates past date 1 with a girl and then maybe you get to have sex. If you wish to hump around like a dog, then by all means keep sexualizing and limiting your perspective of women. You may have some success.

  • Author
Ross PK Established Member

Ross PK

Posted
  • Author
Posted
OP, what's with your obsession over the opposite sex? This is why you have no success with any of them: because they can sense your way in how you probably look at them, your awkwardness around them, so on so forth. Just be natural! I cant emphasize that any more. Learn to strike up innocent conversation with them. Keep it light, simple, toss in a joke here and there, then keep it moving. Stop making your agenda in talking with a woman about dating her. You have to first get comfortable with them way before you can take that leap. I'm getting on you because almost all your threads are about HER!

 

Take it from a man that's been there. I used to be a failure with women in a lot of different ways. This goes back to my HS days. Since college, I've broken out wild, had good enough success (mind you, I still get rejections. We all do) and can talk to a woman any time of the day as easy as taking a walk in the park.

 

I hope some of this advice is getting across to you, Ross. And only then, will you view women as human beings: when you stop trying to analyze them and just take them for who they are.

 

I've got no idea why I'm obsessed, it's probably because of being an Incel.

 

It's very hard sometimes though to just be natural, and to just take women for what they are. If there is a way of doing these things I'd like to know.

  • Author
Ross PK Established Member

Ross PK

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Seeing women as human just like you is a great way to make friends with them.

 

If you want to date and have sex with women, you cannot see them as human. You would need to see them as sexual creatures.

 

Ross, what is your goal?

 

At the very least to just not feel awkward around them.

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted
Hun, we were talking about dating and having sex on Planet Earth not PUA-land.

 

Seeing girls as human beings to relate to is how to continue getting dates past date 1 with a girl and then maybe you get to have sex. If you wish to hump around like a dog, then by all means keep sexualizing and limiting your perspective of women. You may have some success.

No, seeing girls as human beings won't even get a guy date 1.

 

I bet Ross's problem is that he doesn't act sexual at all with girls.

 

I have the same problem. When I'm with girls I'm too friendly and there is no sexual energy.

 

Girls love being my friend, but they would never even consider me as a sexual being.

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted
At the very least to just not feel awkward around them.

If your goal is to stop feeling awkward then there is nothing wrong with going down the friend path.

 

All that matters is what you want to gain.

  • Author
Ross PK Established Member

Ross PK

Posted
  • Author
Posted
No, seeing girls as human beings won't even get a guy date 1.

 

I bet Ross's problem is that he doesn't act sexual at all with girls.

 

I have the same problem. When I'm with girls I'm too friendly and there is no sexual energy.

 

Girls love being my friend, but they would never even consider me as a sexual being.

 

Seeing them as human beings just like you doesn't have to mean you can't act sexual or see them in a sexual way though I don't think.

  • Author
Ross PK Established Member

Ross PK

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Romeofud's right, I need to stop obsessing. No wonder I'm feeling like crap a lot of the time.

Dust Established Member

Dust

Posted
Posted
Seeing women as human just like you is a great way to make friends with them.

 

If you want to date and have sex with women, you cannot see them as human. You would need to see them as sexual creatures.

 

Ross, what is your goal?

 

Seeing women as sexual is part of the range of being human. To simply see them as sexual is the wrong approach. For me, as other men past a certain age I just stopped being afraid of women. Ravishing a woman is something I look forward to rather then stress about going wrong etc. Problem is social awkwardness is much more a problem for men than women when it comes to dating. I think if you keep trying, and make real efforts which include actions like getting out there and talking to women you will succeed. Don’t give up.

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted

When I see the term, "see them as human beings" it registers in my head as, treat them like were a dude.

 

Since I have no interest in men, I don't flirt with them, tease them etc.

 

In order to get women to see you as a man they would act sex with, you need to treat them as girls, not the same as you would treat a guy.

tman666 Established Member

tman666

Posted
Posted (edited)
Seeing them as human beings just like you doesn't have to mean you can't act sexual or see them in a sexual way though I don't think.

 

Exactly.

 

somedude, have you stopped to think about what you're saying? Of course women are sexual. That's part of being human, ffs. The point of seeing them as other humans and acknowledging their strengths and weaknesses as such is not to sterilize relations, but to ease the anxiety that a lot of guys feel when interacting with women.

Edited by tman666
betterdeal Established Member

betterdeal

Posted
Posted

Go out of your bedroom and talk to some women. Any women. Listen to them too. Get on a bus, listen to them on the bus. Go into town and ask directions, from a woman. Go into a shop and buy a magazine, from a woman. Go into a pub and buy a pint, from a woman. Phone your bank and find out your balance, from a woman.

 

Make mistakes. Smile, wink, do double takes. Point out the curious rendering on the church clock to a woman. Speak consiprationally about the cakes on the cake aisle with an old dear.

 

Your nervousness is yours. The way you choose to handle it is yours too. It is also inauthentic, unemotional, unexciting, unhuman. Accept you will make mistakes and it's going to be a case of trial and error. Short of that, you appear to want either for me to experience women for you and somehow inject myself into yourself, or for women to like taking all the risks for you.

 

The former is impossible. The latter will only happen if you are in some way available and of interest. That means going out and doing something that interests you. Could be reading reference manuals in the library. Counting manhole covers. Robbing banks. Lying in the park counting clouds. Anything. by literally making yourself available by virtue of not being on your computer, you will have increased your chances of actually doing something other that might involve contact with an actual woman.

 

You know all this. Stop asking the same question over and over again, just framed slightly differently each time. You're just going to get the same answer.

  • Author
Ross PK Established Member

Ross PK

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Go out of your bedroom and talk to some women. Any women. Listen to them too. Get on a bus, listen to them on the bus. Go into town and ask directions, from a woman. Go into a shop and buy a magazine, from a woman. Go into a pub and buy a pint, from a woman. Phone your bank and find out your balance, from a woman.

 

Make mistakes. Smile, wink, do double takes. Point out the curious rendering on the church clock to a woman. Speak consiprationally about the cakes on the cake aisle with an old dear.

 

Your nervousness is yours. The way you choose to handle it is yours too. It is also inauthentic, unemotional, unexciting, unhuman. Accept you will make mistakes and it's going to be a case of trial and error. Short of that, you appear to want either for me to experience women for you and somehow inject myself into yourself, or for women to like taking all the risks for you.

 

The former is impossible. The latter will only happen if you are in some way available and of interest. That means going out and doing something that interests you. Could be reading reference manuals in the library. Counting manhole covers. Robbing banks. Lying in the park counting clouds. Anything. by literally making yourself available by virtue of not being on your computer, you will have increased your chances of actually doing something other that might involve contact with an actual woman.

 

You know all this. Stop asking the same question over and over again, just framed slightly differently each time. You're just going to get the same answer.

 

I'm not asking the same question over and over again at all.

Dust Established Member

Dust

Posted
Posted
I'm not asking the same question over and over again at all.

 

All your questions are about life. You need to go out there and make mistakes and learn from that. Only so much information about women can be written. Most of it has to be experienced. My advice go out and interact with women.

 

Push the boundaries as far as you will. Do something like putting your hand on the bare skin of an attractive strangers arm. Then when she turns to you take your hand off and say “do you know what time it is.” That there is a simple interaction but one I’m guessing you’ve never had. It’s also some what flirtatious to single an attractive woman out and ask her what time it is.

betterdeal Established Member

betterdeal

Posted
Posted
I'm not asking the same question over and over again at all.

 

You really are, although it makes me glad that you are starting to frame it better and recognising it's about your interaction with women, rather than projecting it entirely onto women. So yes, you are progressing. I think that you just need to take more ownership of your feelings and find ways to express them better, and you can also benefit from some general tips for encouraging self-esteem. Not that you lack self-esteem, per se, but that things like saying "you're welcome!" when someone compliments you can keep the positive vibe ball rolling.

 

You're becoming more self-aware and more honest about yourself here. Keep up the good work. Explore yourself more. Know yourself well and the world will be your oyster.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...