nineyearsgone79 Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Hey Guys.. so I would really appreciate a little advice. Basically my boyfriend and i have been dating since June. Since we are about an hour away normally on fridays i drive over and stay with him till sunday. Recently though he just found out he will have to find a new job and has an upcoming interview on friday. The new job is about 4.5 hours away from me and here and there he mentioned maybe getting a 2 bedroom apt.. but never outright said "would you want to roomate." .. so nothing has been set in stone. Last night however we were having dinner with his mom and she asked what we were going to do.. and he just mumbled to her "i dunno.".. it was all very very awkward. We both had come out of long long distance relationships that ended poorly. We discussed when we first started dating that we would never enter into those again. So anyway... last night (once we got back to his place).. i brought up the topic of what we should do etc about the move and seeing each other. He again just mumbled "i dunno i dunno yet." Anyway... I'm a little confused about what that means and about what to do etc. Just the day before and up until this point he's been talking about planning another vacation together in 2012.. a cruise. I just can't really figure him out. I know i'm not planning any long distance thing.. as I just turned 32.. and don't want to waste another 9 years of my life in another long distance relationship disaster. ... What would you guys do.. ?? P.S. If he wanted me to move in with him i would.. i have the savings etc. .. i just don't know if he wants me to .. given by his lack of response!!??
LittleTiger Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Be honest with him. Let him know that you don't want another LDR which means, if he gets the job, you either move with him or your relationship will have to end. You can say it far more tactfully than that, of course, but that's essentially it, in black and white, from the way you've described your feelings. Maybe he really wants you to move with him but feels it's a lot to ask? You won't know until you talk to him.
folieadeux Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 To me it just sounds like he's stalling. All you can do is ask him. Assuming he's about the same age as you, I don't understand why he's acting so childish about it. You either know or you don't if you want to take the next step with someone.
Eddie Edirol Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 Ive stalled like that. he definitely doesnt want you to move in with him i know that much. he will never offer it up either.
TokyoG33kyGal Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 well nothing is set on stone yet like you said so i can understand his uncertainty. maybe he will know once he gets the job and the apartment. tell him you want to talk more about it when he does so that you know that you are included in his plans. if he is still uncertain around that time, then maybe it's time for you to think if you should cut your losses and move on. i have been in the same position before, my ex boyfriend was in the navy and at that time will go back to the US. broke up when he stopped mentioning the future and even his plans for the LDR setup were vague.
creighton0123 Posted April 11, 2011 Posted April 11, 2011 Tell him how you feel, then give him time enough to figure out what's going on. He says "i dunno" because... he doesn't know. You're asking him to provide answers when even the questions haven't been solidified yet. Trust me. Planning a cruise is much easier than, say, asking your SO to move in with you. If you care about him, which it sounds like you do, you'll want him to be comfortable. If you two live together before he's ready to give up his privacy, it will not be comfortable for him.
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