[autumnlover]

OK well i was really colse with this girl weh i first moved to my town 10 years ago. I will call her Jen. She was like my sister. We were always together. We had fun and did thigns that teenages do. Well about 4 years ago, we stopped being friends and she said some pretty nasty stuff about me behind my back. Well she stopped by my house and said she wanted to be freinds again. I was like OK??? SHe is now married and had a daughter. I want to be freinds with her but i am still scared that she will do what she did before. Now i understand that people can change and i have always been someone to give people second chances but i have given her like 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,. OK i am taking the number thing too far but you get the point, it has been alot.

WHat i want to know is how do I keep this freindship (if i decide to) comfortable with me. how do i stand up to her and let her know i wont take anymore S**T from her and how do i do it in a nice way.

[Thor]

Why not have a luncheon with her and discuss what has happened in the past? Ask her why she did the things she did to you, and then decide for yourself if this is adequate. Adequate in the sense that if you can forgive her for those things. If you can, then talk about who the both of you are today. Find out if you're even compatible to near each other. People do change and maybe those changes will make it clearer if you can be friends with this person or not. If you can't forgive her then it's probably best to move on and leave her in the past.

[jenny]

i respectfully disagree.

look carefully at your evidence. you have 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 cases of precedent bad behaviour by your own admission. if you enter back into a relationship with this person, you are volunteering to be abused by her. sometimes we just have to break off with people who seek to do us harm because of their own sordid problems.

users have infamously charming personalities. you now have decide which one of you is smarter.

[Iamhappy]

users have infamously charming personalities.

Why is that? I'd really like to know.

WHat i want to know is how do I keep this freindship (if i decide to) comfortable with me. how do i stand up to her and let her know i wont take anymore S**T from her and how do i do it in a nice way.

If you do decide to remain friends with her, you have no choice but to stand up for yourself. Think of it as a clean slate. If she falls into old patterns, then you have to make a choice: react how you've always reacted or do things differently. It doesn't have to be same relationship. But I wouldn't look for her to change. For you to perceive this differently, for this relationship to evolve (if at all possible), the change must be from you - how you see, think and feel about this relationship.

I once heard someone say that sometimes you have forgive someone just because you want them in your life. I'm not sure if I agree with this statement but it may be something you want to think about.