[MissinYouLikeCrazy]

I'm very angry right now!

What a crazy week! It has been pure hell for me! We just moved into this small 2 bedroom apartment ( with 5 people living here). We are living here until our new house is built which won't be for about 5 months! I have a sister who is mentally retarded along with other things, she likes to scream, attack the people in my family, spit, punch holes in the wall, and so much more. This morning she about punched a whole in the wall..everyone was yelling and screaming because we will get evicted and have nowhere to go if she does happen to damage the apartment.

So Anyways, what does that have to do with anything? I got so frustrated with my parents this morning because they were only making problems worse! They were yellin and screaming and my Dad being the jackass he is kept going after her saying that he was gonna hit her if she didn't stop (he's had the cops called on him 2 times from my sister and my brother, but both my sister and my brother got marked as unruly cuz the cops ofcourse went for my Dad's story).

Well I go to school and have a pretty good day at school and then BOOM everything starts going wrong. I got so frustrated with this stuff that I just gave up doing it, thats not like me at all. People at school just love to make fun of me and my sister because of my other sister, which drives me nuts cuz she can't help it, Sometimes I am mean to her at school but that's just to kind of get other kids off my back..I don't actually mean what I say to her and she knows I don't!

So I come home from school things once again seem to be running smooth...well BAM my sister snaps and starts going completely psycho..my parents sat their for about 4 hours with her carrying on and then they left and left her with me for me to handle..that made me mad because I am scared to death of being home alone at night..so I got her to go to sleep and I called my parents and they came home.

In the meantime my parents told me to let my work know that I can work on Wednesday night this week. Well Wednesday nights I go roller skating at my favorite place in the whole wide world, I work at another skating rink. My mom tells me I'm grounded for my behavior...I did nothing..except the other day I screamed shut up at my sister..but they say I'm grounded for telling them to **** off..when I didn't. Skating is my life and missing 1 Wednesday of it is like missing 50 years of your life...Last wednesday I had a crappy time b/c the same ppl aren't their..I like it when the same people go..mainly the same people are their each week!

I start working for the first time tomarrow. I am so nervous about it. This is my first job (I know, I'll be 18 in a month but I couldn't have a job b/c I had to stay at home with my sister).

I hate this apartment we are living in. I can't sleep at all and when I do I wake up dizzy and I always wake up with a cramp in my leg..I just get really scared and can't sleep. The first night we stayed here we heard 2 gun shots..that terrifies me! I just get all these scary thoughts in my head and can't sleep.

Sometimes I ask..why am I here? Why??? Why am I such a dork? Why am I alive? Why? I feel like a nobody...sometimes I wish I wasn't here...

[moimeme]

You're not a dork at all. You're a good guy to look out for your sister. We all feel like nobodies from time to time - but it goes away. You'll enjoy your job, I expect, and the money that goes with it. It must be scary to live where you're living, though, and it sounds like there are some big problems with your family. Have you been able to talk to a counsellor about this?

[MissinYouLikeCrazy]

Thanx for your reply! Just to let ya know I'm a girl. lol. No I haven't really talked to anyone about any of this..I just ignore the situation around other people and then once I come home I face the facts. I'm just getting so frustrated with all this crap..I'm not the type of girl to give up..I always work to the best of my ability but lately I've been going by the line "screw it"..my grades have dropped..I planned on getting straight A's all year..I started off with a good start but it seems like ever since we moved into this apartment everything has been going down the drain.

Also, it's not easy with my 1 sister. I am constantly like competing with her. It annoys me because it seems like she gets everything she wants and I'm the one stuck at home w/my sister and can't go out and do anything..as a matter of a fact she's over at her friends right now having fun while I'm playing babysitter. She gets to go out and have fun...It's hard to explain to someone if they don't have sisters or brothers..if you have sisters or brothers than you probably have an idea of what I'm talking about.

[lovestruck]

(hugs) I feel for you although i dont know what it is like to have a sister like yours

i can only imagine and if i were you I would work and save my money and move out thats what i plan to do

but your not a dork your worthy of being alive and you have a place in this world you just need to find it