ReturnToSender Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 I started a job at a restaurant a couple months ago and there's a server there that has caught my eye big time. he's put his hand on my waist to move me aside, or touch my arm or back while we're talking, and every so often I've caught him, or myself in a lingering look... its cute... Its like the single guys there I'm not interested in have hit on me or asked me out...except him! I did ask him what he does when he's not working, and he didn't bring up spending time with a gf... I want to say something, but I'm so used to guys approaching me, and have zero experience in being the one to speak up first.. A friend told me to blatantly ask him if he'd like to meet up for drinks or something sometime, and I actually would if it wasn't for it that we work together and I don't want it to be awkward if he was just being nice and not really interested. By the way, our place has no prob with employees dating, we have 3 couples who work there, so no issues with that. I was also advised to tell him theres a movie Id love to see but dont want to go alone or that my friends dont want to see it, and see if he takes the bait. Thats closer to the lines of what I can see myself doing, I mean its a clear "HINT HINT HINT" without putting myself on the line too much right? But I fear him saying, oh see it anyway, I did and its great! Or no dont worry about it, I heard that movie sucks.... and then Im back at square one...lol I could use some pointers here...what I can say or do?! Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 You're just afraid of rejection. Those other guys from work asked you out and I assume everyone is professional enough to have carried on despite the rejection. Why would it be any different in this case? Things might be awkward for a shift or two, but then will get back to normal. That being said, I for one like it better when I can get guys to ask me out. You tell us he's touched your waist etc, but you don't really tell us how you've amped the flirtation and if you're actively letting him know you're interested. Did you return the touching favor? As to the strategies you suggest, I think it's pretty lame to ask someone out by saying : "no one else wanted to go with me" . I mean, would you even ask a friend out like that? Probably not right? You wouldn't want to be rude! That's why I think the casual drinks idea is actually the best idea. It could be: hey, I had a tough night and I'm craving a drink. Wanna join me? Or, hey, I was thinking of going to watch the xyz game tomorrow night at this pub - wanna join me. Or, even, hey, I was thinking of catching xyz movie, wanna join me? Then, once out on the "casual hang out", amp up the flirtation. See how he responds. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ReturnToSender Posted March 13, 2011 Author Share Posted March 13, 2011 (edited) Yeah, I agree with the "no one else wanted to go with me" thing...it rubs me raw like if a guy said that to me Id wonder, crap man even your friends dont want to hang out with you? Well Im not gonna either! Yup youre right, Im downright terrified of rejection, and this is the restaurant business...before the end of the shift everyone and thier mama is going to know I asked him out. As it is, when my ex came in to eat yesterday, lots of people were like...heeeeey wasnt that your ex? what was he doing here? Stalker! Ill break his knees for you...lol Well, when I asked him what he does when hes not working, he said he hangs with friends, goes out for drinks..I asked him where he hangs out at and he told me...I wasnt sure what more to lead into than that, and he didnt invite me to join him sometime... But we share an interest in having a drink! So yeah, maybe Ill just swallow my pride here and go for it... Blah, I need to get this over with soon...whether we see each other or not, just so I dont drive myself crazy. How would that sound? "I just want to get this over with and ask you a question, wanna meet up for a drink sometime?" On a sidenote, sorry about that stupid link in my orginal post...I c&p and the link came with it, now I cant edit it out. Can a mod help me and remove that for me? Edited March 13, 2011 by ReturnToSender Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Don't dip your vagina in the company's ink. I don't understand people who do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ReturnToSender Posted March 13, 2011 Author Share Posted March 13, 2011 Ahh..thanks for your crude opinion, but thats not what I was asking... This isnt exactly a corporate environment with a policy against fraternization...we work part time in a restaurant in different departments, the only policy this place has about this subject is no dating the managers. Im well within whats appropriate here. But hey, Ill take your advice anyway and keep my happy place away from ink if I come across any...to be extra cautious, I wont put pens in my pockets from now on... Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 I advise against hints or anything of the sort. If he's a typical guy, he won't get the hint. Honestly, we're that oblivious. Be direct. That's absolutely the best way. Hints are terrible. They're often misunderstood or missed all together! Sure it may sound like a fun way to communicate, but it may suck for both parties at the end, hahah. Many people tell me after the fact that they were hinting/flirting/etc. with me and I would be like, "really????? I didn't see it that way at all." Men are not mind readers! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ReturnToSender Posted March 13, 2011 Author Share Posted March 13, 2011 LoL yeah I feel you Fondue...thats why I was wondering what to do over and beyond the flirting Ive been doing. Hes sweet and it appears hes flirting back, but then if hes watching me at all, he may think hes got it wrong, just like the guys there who thought I was flirting and hit on me or asked me out when I was just being nice. Someone gave me the idea of, next time he helps me out with something, tell him thanks so much and then say I owe him a date. Thats pretty bold and direct right? If hes not interested I guess he'll just laugh it off, but if he is, he'll take me up on it. Sound like a plan? Link to post Share on other sites
Kindaconfused_77 Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Being on the other half of your dilemma myself, I say yes,thats definitely a good way to go, if he is interested, as shy as he may be, he would definitely take up an offering for a date - I know if my person of interest said as much to me I'd leap on such an opportunity in a hertbeat. Remember if hes shy even in the best possible case he is jsut as insecure and nervous as you are of taking the leap, so the easier you make it for him the better. Link to post Share on other sites
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 I advise against hints or anything of the sort. If he's a typical guy, he won't get the hint. Honestly, we're that oblivious. Be direct. That's absolutely the best way. Hints are terrible. They're often misunderstood or missed all together! Sure it may sound like a fun way to communicate, but it may suck for both parties at the end, hahah. Many people tell me after the fact that they were hinting/flirting/etc. with me and I would be like, "really????? I didn't see it that way at all." Men are not mind readers! I disagree with Fondue's post here, OP, because your target knows what he's doing. It's no mistake that he knows how to touch you in accepting ways, or hasn't blatantly asked you out while drooling over you. He seems smooth; which leads me to believe he very likely understands the subtleties employed by a woman showing interest. Continue to do what you do, OP, but be patient. Just remember that since you two work together, there will be time for you both to see and talk to each other. You could let things flow naturally, or if you want, go with the movie hint. Overt hints like going to get drinks tend to be very, very direct and have been known to cause guys like me (and several of my buddies) to group such women as those that are probably easier to get into bed. But that's not everybody. In summation, I vote you play the patience card and continue batting those eyelashes whenever the time comes. He'll come to you if he's interested. This guy knows what he's doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ReturnToSender Posted March 13, 2011 Author Share Posted March 13, 2011 (edited) Thanks so much! Yeah, thats what Im hoping to do, give an obvious indication, that wont embarrass me or make him feel uncomfortable if hes not interested, Okay...looks like the game plan is in place! Im already nervous and my next shift isnt even til Thurs. I gotta wait a whole week! Aye...the torture. I promise not to chicken out by then ..Oh man just read your post ConflictedGuy and you do bring up some good points. As a matter of fact, hes the only guy that has reached out and touched me whenever we talk.... Possibly because hes the only guy Ive given any kind of vibe to feel comfortable enough doing that. Oh and maybe the way I smile at him when he does just enourages him to do it again...whooo knows. But yes, it would seem he is picking up on it that Im being flirtatious. Aye! Okay, movie idea or I owe you a date Idea, I still like the owe you a date thing, cause I can be cheeky and say it in a way that he can take it or leave it...hrm... Edited March 13, 2011 by ReturnToSender Just read ConflictedGuys response Link to post Share on other sites
Author ReturnToSender Posted March 13, 2011 Author Share Posted March 13, 2011 Btw, I kinda have to say, maybe its just be being biased but, I find him to be a very attractive guy, not even middle of the road but cute or average but with a great fill in the blank...hes take a second look attractive, so I can imagine that hes very used to girls being flirtacious with him. But...on the flip, I do have to say...Ive been watching and Ive never seen or noticed anyone else being that way, or him with anyone else. As a matter of fact, when I first started working there, he looked so serious and focused only on whatever he was doing, that I wrote him off as the stand offish serious guy. I even mused to a friend of mine, when I first working about that and told her theres a handsome guy at work but I think he doesnt like it there cause he never talks to anyone lol But then it seems that after the first time we said hi and talked, and I said something goofy that made him laugh, he wasnt so standoffish anymore. Hrm. Okay, no more analyzing... Nothing to stress over til I go to work Thurs Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 I could use some pointers here...what I can say or do?! just ask him you wouldn't mind getting together sometime. if he doesn't respond then he's either taken or not interested or gay Link to post Share on other sites
Kic Posted March 16, 2011 Share Posted March 16, 2011 (edited) Very attractive people usually have options and experience. This makes it more likely that ConflictedGuy27 is correct. While the average guy may miss flirting hints, experienced guys are more likely to detect what you're doing. I'll add that men generally date at their attractiveness level or above. Ask yourself: Are you above his level? If women take a second look at him, then he can date models. Here's a suggestion I haven't seen yet: Have you viewed him on or added him on Facebook? Might save you a lot more probing. Edited March 16, 2011 by Kic Link to post Share on other sites
Author ReturnToSender Posted March 16, 2011 Author Share Posted March 16, 2011 Im not terribly concerned about the level of my looks...not to say I think Im all that, but I get complimented a lot...its pretty common for random people to stop and say something, curious about where I get my looks from. So far other guys there have been trying to flirt, others just get flustered when I talk to them, and one has asked me out...but the guy Ive been interested in is playing it oh so cool. Dang! I always consider that maybe Im just not a guys type, but then this guy glancing at me, the lingering looks, and grazing touches...he wouldnt be doing any of that if I wasnt his type right? btw Im strict about who I add to facebook cause my whole life is on there, so family and friends only...and I woudlnt add someone just to find out about them, I do it the other way around, and find out about them before I decide whether or not to add them. Link to post Share on other sites
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